CHAPTER VIII.
An energetic pianiste.—Vigorous dancers.—A bevy of quadrumanous beauties.—The parasol polka.—Amatory tomfooleries.—I am compelled to take part in a new musical air.—Am commanded to climb up a tall pole.—Am forced to jump through hoops, throw somersaults, and cut capers.—Am indebted to Saïmira for a respite.
I traversed the dining-hall, passed into the reception-room, where I placed one of my candles on a window-seat; I then lighted a second, which I fixed elsewhere. Having observed me do this—what, indeed, did they not observe?—they hastened to place their candles wherever they could discover a support for them. I congratulated myself on my success; the candles had ceased to play any further an incendiary part in the apish orgie. No sooner, however, had they done this than they appeared to recall to mind that they had seen the room lighted up in this fashion before—doubtlessly on some occasion when the vice-admiral gave a soirée or a ball. They exchanged glances with each other, and in the twinkling of an eye climbed up on one another’s backs and placed the candles in the chandeliers and in the ormolu brackets fixed against the walls.
If I had required any further proof that my apes must have seen both balls and evening parties given in this room, it was supplied me when one of them, happier in his efforts of memory than the rest of his companions, sprang on to the keys of the piano, and struck them with his fore hands. He had evidently seen a piano played. Judging from the enthusiastic contortions of his hearers that his performance was appreciated, he commenced to strike the keys with his hind hands, when, finding himself applauded still more by his auditory, he proceeded to beat the keys not only with his four brawny hands, but with his elbows and his knees, his hairy head, his bearded back, and ended at last by sitting down upon the instrument, and, rising and falling with an adagio movement, produced the final notes of his fantasia after the style of a celebrated German instrumentalist whom this ape must have seen perform on some occasion or other; for this extravagant action was far too original to have been evolved from the brain of an ape. This music, although a little mad, was, as they say, very lively; so much so, indeed, that when the performer resumed, coaïtas, mangabeys, ourang-outangs, talapoins, capuchins, green monkeys, douroucoulis, magots, tee-tees, pig-tailed macaques, siamangs, propitheces, baboons, vervets, sapajous, marmosets, mandrills, and alouattes commenced to dance with ardour—indeed, one may say frenzy—to the sound of this piano. It was not a noble sight, certainly; but pardon me the comparison, I fancied I saw in these apes, dressed up in their long swallow-tailed coats and with their bushy beards, a striking resemblance to some of our European fops.
Decidedly it was a ball—a ball given by apes, a ball such as, there was now no longer any doubt, they themselves had often seen given by the admiral of the station to his officers and their wives.
Karabouffi, I know not why, had deserted the ball-room. As yet, however, the dancers did not appear to have felt this august absence over-much. Ah, how the creatures waltzed and polked! It was a perfect tempest—a whirlwind, in fact. I was nearly knocked to pieces by them. In the midst of my surprise I discovered something new which explained to me Karabouffi’s absence.
The fête had scarcely lasted an hour, when, to my intense surprise, I witnessed the arrival of fluttering groups of young and lively guenons, attended by cavaliers in straw-coloured gloves, who were all attired in superb robes of silk and muslin, and draped in magnificent shawls from Lahore—displaying, in short, the most charming details of toilet that one can well imagine. This ball was not to be without ladies any more than spring was to be without its flowers. But let us ponder a little over these beauties and their costumes. The subject is always an interesting one. Without doubt some of them had red noses and white chins; others, too, were what is styled scraggy about the neck and shoulders, of which they made a greater display than was necessary by wearing extremely low dresses, while all of them shocked you with their hairy and bony arms. But has the reader never observed at balls in Europe, delicate and select as they may be, red noses and white chins, angular shoulders and flat breasts, and bony and even hairy arms?
At the point at which I have arrived in the recital of my troubles, there is no need, I suppose, for me to explain how the lively and foolish guenons had managed to procure their headdresses, gloves, shoes, shawls, and robes. Every one can guess that they had much the same title to them as their husbands and lovers had to the officers’ coats and straw-coloured gloves—in other words, they had stolen them from the wives and daughters of the English officers.
Let me now continue my description of the ball, and yield my meed of praise to an innovation worthy of introduction on the other side of the equator, and of being naturalised in Europe, either at Vienna, Madrid, London, or Paris. Many of these charming monkeys danced with pink, green, orange, or blue parasols, which they held open over the heads of their partners with a certain coquetry of attitude and movement that was perfectly irresistible. I shall never forget the parasol polka, which I still think worthy of European adoption. My only fear is that on its subsequent introduction to New York, where, as we all know, every fashion is pushed to excess, they would go from parasols to umbrellas, which would not look anything like so graceful.
It was in the midst of this brilliant crowd that I suddenly caught sight of Karabouffi the First offering his arm to Saïmira—to the beautiful and interesting Saïmira—who was trembling all over with fear at being thus made an exhibition of in public. I pitied the poor chimpanzee, who had evidently been torn apart from the loving Mococo by the detestable Karabouffi. Karabouffi regarded her as his own. But Saïmira was not one of those miserable creatures who, in order to wear a few pearls on their foreheads and a piece of velvet over their shoulders, sell their youth and beauty, their lips and heart, when they have already given their heart to another. And I could see that although she was present in all her youth and charms, her thoughts were wandering around the iron cage, the prison bars of the unfortunate Mococo.
Among these swarms of she-monkeys I recognised several who had formerly belonged to my menagerie at Macao. I recollected having taught them to march like grenadiers, to shake hands vigorously with me, to wear petticoats, so ample and round that one was often tempted to take them by the head and shake them like bells, for they looked so much like them; to smoke cigarettes both of a morning and evening, the smoke of which they would emit through their noses as the Spanish smugglers are in the habit of doing; and to wear little pork-pie hats stuck on the top of their heads. I had also taught them to dance, throwing their bodies forward and from side to side, to salute with rude familiarity, to use a fan artfully, and to represent among themselves scenes from pantomimes. I had hardly done wrong in making them so different from others of their species, since in comparison with these they were true actresses. When monkeys of this class are young, they generally have no talent; when they come to possess talent, they no longer have any beauty. Thus those whom I recognised at this soirée were for the most part old and broken down; some were even toothless; still this did not prevent their being a thousand times more sought after, a thousand times more flattered, than their youthful companions, and this by the most handsome and seductive cavaliers. There was no kind of respectful attention, delicate officiousness, or demonstrative weakness which they did not exhibit towards them. One unfastened his gold chain and put it over the wrinkled neck of one of these parchment-looking ladies; another threw his whole soul into the look which he darted at the desolate breast of one of his companions. What a pity! This elegant sapajou, young, agreeable, and well made, who even passed for the son of Karabouffi’s prime minister, was dying with love, the idiot! at the feet—at the big feet, too—of an insignificant-looking monkey with a pug nose, and as yellow and shrivelled as any Egyptian mummy. All this was absurd enough, still no one will pretend to say that the same kind of ridiculous fooleries are not constantly indulged in by people moving in the most refined society. I cannot, therefore, venture in this particular respect to exalt my own species high above these poor apes, deprived, as we know them to be, of the light of reason. As it is quite certain that they will never read these lines, I do not hesitate to give, in passing, this little lesson in modesty to readers of my own species, to the end that our pride should not accustom us always to consider ourselves superior in every respect to the rest of Nature’s creatures.
If the reader is astonished at the repose which I was permitted to enjoy after the perilous adventures through which I had passed, he would utterly misunderstand one peculiar characteristic of this fantastic race into whose power my ill-luck had thrown me. It has the faculty of remembering or forgetting things with the swiftness of electricity. I have been too often witness of this strange reaction. At the very moment that one of these animals rushes forward to attack you, he will frequently stop short to scratch his ear or to walk with stealthy feet behind an ant or a fly. At other times, when you believe him to be intently watching the movements of a fly, he will throw himself roughly upon you, and tear your face. Such is the ape.
This period of calm, at which I confess I was myself astonished, was broken in the following manner:—I have said that there was a guitar and an accordion in the room where these animals were dancing. At a sign from Karabouffi they invited me to take part in a trio which was thus organised:—A guenon seated herself at the piano, a sapajou took possession of the accordion, and I was offered the guitar. As I hesitated to acknowledge this complaisance on their part in a becoming manner—pride we all know is incorrigible—I received on the top of my head such a brutal blow with the back of the instrument disdainfully refused by me, that for the moment I believed myself killed, and for three days afterwards I was tormented with an insupportable singing in the ears. Of course I required no further pressing. I knew immediately how to play the guitar, and proceeded to take part in the trio; and what a trio it was! Nevertheless, on listening attentively, one discovered—at a great depth, it is true—the elements of primitive music among these creatures of Oceania. If I had had sufficient self-possession to take down that air, it would have figured by this time at the concerts of the Conservatoire de Paris and of the London Philharmonic Society, as a specimen of lyrical and religious sentiment amongst a savage race at the moment they see the Father of Nature, the sun, begin to rise.
The reader will perceive from this incident how very necessary it was for me to be quite certain of the precise dispositions of these furious fools, bent upon maltreating me; who pursued their persecutions in a spirit of diabolical calculation, and were bent upon imposing on me the humiliating obligation of doing as a man all that I had formerly made them do as apes. I had made them play the violin in public when they were with me: they compelled me to strum the guitar now that I was their prisoner. I had forced them to dance on the tight-rope, and to climb to the top of a pole: they brought a pole, and commanded me in the most imperious way, by signs which I could not fail to understand, to commence ascending it.
A cold sweat ran down my forehead, although the ball-room was frightfully hot, at the bare idea of the brutish part I was condemned to perform—to amuse apes—I, one of the first citizens of Macao, the descendant of an honourable Portuguese family, and who had been baptised in the church of St. Philip the Elder! The pole was placed in the centre of the apartment, and to sustain it in a perpendicular position thirty quadrumana of three different heights arranged themselves in a very ingenious manner, which I am about to explain.
The smallest, after all having seated themselves on the ground, held the pole, fixed upright in their midst; those of intermediate height grasped the pole with their hands a few inches above, keeping their feet firmly planted on the ground about a yard off; the tallest, and these were ourang-outangs and mandrills, threw their gigantic arms above the arms of the others, and their legs, which were to serve as props, beyond the legs of the lower ranks. It was, in fact, a kind of wheel, formed of sinewy legs and shoulders pressed one against another, and arms of steel, of which the axis was the pole, rising up before me, uncommonly like a gibbet.
A glance which Karabouffi directed towards me enjoined me a second time to climb this pole. As I was balancing myself and preparing to swing over this living pedestal, in order to grasp it firmly within my arms, a mangabey, a giant nearly seven feet high, stiffened his long tail, and by way of incentive struck me with it two smart blows, one on the back and the other on the legs. These had the desired effect, for, bursting with rage, I bounded forward and commenced climbing.
What shall I say with regard to my performance? In spite of my utmost efforts I could not raise myself even half-way up the pole. Unaccustomed as I might have been to this kind of exercise, I must nevertheless confess that I failed most disgracefully. I tugged, I slipped, I tried anew, I slipped again; fresh efforts only caused a still further descent, and, what took the heart quite out of me, I was all the while subjected to undisguised expressions of disapprobation on the part of the audience. They murmured here, they grunted there, they were hissing everywhere. What a revenge these wretches took! It was quite true that I had thrashed them when they climbed awkwardly at Macao, and that I used to laugh at them after having beaten them; still, after all, I was a man possessed of the double light of reason and faith, whilst they were unintelligent beings. But did this give me the right of coercing, insulting, and thrashing them whenever I felt so disposed? My efforts to climb the pole had resulted in certain bruises to my frame, and in tearing my trousers and coat-sleeves—already sufficiently tried in the various turns of fortune they had undergone—almost to tatters. How could I manage to renew them in the destitute condition in which I was? For this moment, however, my skin demanded more of my solicitude than my clothes did, and, in truth, I only turned my attention to these when the incident of my climbing efforts was pretty nigh forgotten.
I never arrived at the upper half of the pole. Probably I should still be occupied with my hopeless task but for a lucky accident which put an end to my ridiculous punishment. Too weak apparently to support the weight of my body at the point to which I had managed to drag myself after unheard-of efforts, the confounded pole snapped asunder and I fell into the arena, bruised with my fall and crushed by the mockeries with which I was overwhelmed. Here I lay stunned, motionless, and degraded, in the midst of an unpitying and jeering crowd.
When I recovered myself, had it not been for the encouraging look which Saïmira—who I could see was occupied with the project of rescuing me from my present frightful position—I should have been tempted to have blown out my brains with my pistols and so made an end of it. But Saïmira was the cause of my resisting the temptation.
Ere, however, she found the means of saving me, I was called upon to perform a new interlude at this brilliant soirée.
I was aroused from the reverie into which I had fallen by a blow like that which had compelled me, in spite of myself, to make an attempt to climb the pole. Only the stiff and sinewy tail of the mandrill struck me this time somewhat more tenderly. He only wished to arouse me, I fancy. On looking up I saw before me one of my new masters—I had now become their creature as completely as they had formerly been creatures of mine—comically scratching his thigh, describing in the air joyous capers, thrusting out his tongue at me in a mocking way, whirling about on his head with his legs spread out like a fork—going through, in fact, a thousand grimaces and contortions such as I had taught my apes to practise at Macao. After some minutes of this performance, which appeared to be rather for my benefit than for that of the other spectators, he suddenly stopped, looked at me with signs of impatience, and waited. But what could he possibly expect from me? A second blow from that vital cord which formed the termination of the mandrill’s back warned me that what was expected from me was nothing less than a public exhibition of my tumbling accomplishments similar to those which he had deigned to display before me. What proved to me that I was not mistaken in my idea was, that having attempted at all hazards a timid somersault, the mandrill’s tail rose and fell without striking me. I had, then, perfectly comprehended him, and all that now remained for me to do was to perform before the company: I had merely to copy the grimaces and contortions which I had just witnessed, that was all. Alas! what misery the vanquished are called upon to endure! Could human degradation sink below this? To be obliged to imitate an ape! The colour rose to my face. I commenced my performance; but who can tell what I endured? Every time that my manly dignity checked me in the midst of a somersault, at that very same instant the sinewy tail of the mandrill caught me a blow in the face. Courage, Polydorus! courage! Indeed I had need of all I possessed. I jumped through hoops, danced the Pyrrhic dance, and imitated the movements of a dancing bear; saluted the gentlemen, and blew kisses to the ladies; finally, I went round, hat in hand, and asked, according to custom, some money from the company.
I was almost dead from fatigue and moral prostration when an uproar louder than any I had previously heard burst forth in the saloon. In a minute the apartment was half emptied: the apes that remained watching me soon followed the example of their fellows. What could possibly have happened? Karabouffi, whom I recognised in the obscurity of the verandah courtyard, appeared to be at the head of this great movement.
It was to the excellent Saïmira that I owed this diversion, and to whom I was, moreover, indebted to my not dying of suffering and shame during that terrible night.
This is how she managed to deliver me from my tormentors. By an affected coquetry she aroused Karabouffi’s jealousy so thoroughly, that, exasperated and furious, he dragged her from the saloon, when, as a matter of course, he was accompanied in his exit by his entire court.
In a word, I was left alone.
This unhoped-for respite inspired me with a project which I proceeded to put in execution with the promptitude of despair.
