Wonders of Spiritualism.
"Spiritualism is a wonderful thing," said the Observer in a retrospective tone. "As a source of valuable information, it beats the Encyclopedia Brittanica in an easy hand gallop; the tonsorial artist is not in its class and even the 'Intelligence Office,' pales into innocuous desuetude beside it.
"Had it not been for a recent visit to a medium, I should never have learned many important truths which affect me very closely. In the first place I should not have known that I have a little brother and sister in 'spirit life.' I had always considered myself an only child and all of my relatives and friends cherished the same illusion. You may imagine my astonishment, then, at receiving messages from Brother Charley and Sister Ida, both of whom the medium described with marvelous attention to detail. They told me not to worry—that it would all come right, and that they were always with me, which is comforting and shows how affectionate children can be—even in spirit life.
"The next revelation which came from the 'other side' was the statement that a dark cloud which was then hovering over me, would soon pass away. This was interesting as well as instructive and, as I was idly speculating as to the exact location of the cloud, I was suddenly startled to learn that two beautiful young women—one fair and wealthy, the other dark and poor, but accomplished—had won my heart and that I was hesitating as to which one I loved the more.
"This was somewhat distressing and wholly unpremeditated on my part. I caught myself hoping, with a vague sense of guilt, that my wife wouldn't hear of it, for I knew it would worry her and bring about complications between us. Perhaps this was the dark cloud, I ruminated, and felt cheered by the assurance that it would soon pass away. The spirit that told me these things was evidently in a communicative mood and had, no doubt, looked up my case very carefully.
"'You are very sensitive,' she told me—I use the word 'she' advisedly, for no masculine spirit could possibly have ferreted out all these facts. 'You touch many natures closely and benefit by this faculty.' I had just borrowed a little money from a friend and wondered if anything personal was intended by the word 'touch.' But I cast this thought aside as unworthy—no spirit would resort to slang.
"'Do you often hear voices, indistinctly?' continued the spirit, 'strange voices which seem to call you and then sink away?' I thought of the telephone and wondered how she could have known.
"'Yes,' I said, I hear them every day.'
"'Ah!' said the spirit, 'you are mediumistic.'
"I started. 'Is it painful?' I asked, 'or likely to become chronic?'
"The medium sat bolt upright in her chair and rubbed her eyes violently. 'Your levity has destroyed the conditions,' she said. 'Two dollars, please.'
"I paid the money, and, in going out, I met a man looking at his watch in an irritated way.
"'I engaged a sitting for 3 o'clock by telephone,' he said. 'Why have I been kept waiting half an hour?'
"The medium's jaw dropped with peculiar suddenness and she sat down heavily in a chair. A sudden revelation came to me.
"'Sir,' I said, addressing the stranger, 'pardon the inquiry, but have you a Sister Ida and a Brother Charley in spirit life? Do you love two women—one fair and wealthy, the other poor and dark, but talented? Does a dark cloud hover over your life and do you hear voices calling you from afar? Are you sensitive and have you developed the sense of tou—?'
"'Enough!' cried the man, hoarsely. 'I am convinced—here is your money,' and he handed me a five-dollar bill.
"'Thanks,' said I, and left them there together."
"Did you ever read the testimonial letters of noted persons?" said the Observer, thoughtfully, stirring his coffee. "There are many things which come with fame besides public adulation; they are material things and have a certain commercial as well as sentimental value, such as soap and corsets, patent medicines, face powder, vapor baths, books, cigars, corned beef, fountain pens, and patented trouser hangers. As soon as a man gets his name in print a few times he is deluged with samples by every manufacturer in the country. I know an actor who hasn't bought a cake of toilet soap since he began to play leading parts. All he's got to do is to write a testimonial for some new brand, saying he would use no other, and he gets a case; then, there is a leading lady who once endorsed a certain kind of shoe, and now she's got a dozen pairs in her trunk, which didn't cost her a cent.
"Among the personal effects of the late Senator D—— were six dozen porous plasters and nearly a gross of Casey's Liver Regulator. Whether the senator's demise was due to his strenuous efforts to deplete this generous supply has never been made known, but I very much doubt if the doctor, who attributed his death to heart failure was familiar with these facts at the time.
"Another famous statesman, who was as bald as he was absent-minded, once mailed a testimonial to the manufacturer of Blank's Hair Restorer, enclosing a photograph of himself. In their next advertisement they made two cuts from the picture, painting a profusion of wavy hair upon one, and ran them over a reproduction of his letter, labeled, 'Before and after using.' When the old gentleman saw it he was so pleased with his appearance in the latter cut that he straightforth bought a wig and ever afterwards kept up the delusion.
"Then there's the man who is cured by X-Y-Z Cough Cure, or Blither's Sarsaparilla. He may not be known to half a hundred people before he tries this wonderful stimulant; but after he takes half a dozen bottles and is 'snatched from the jaws of death,' his name and features become familiar to several millions of people. I know a carpenter in a northern county who resorted to this method and was so well advertised that, when the national representative for that district died, B—— was nominated for Congress and elected by a big majority.
"There is a saying that 'some men are born great; some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.' I don't know who made this statement, or why it was made, but it's dollars to doughnuts that the fellow who did was saved from an untimely grave by the curative powers of Bunker Hill Stomach Bitters and rose from obscurity to high position as a result."
