SCENE 2
(Enter Peer and Jesper.)
JESPER. My dear Monsieur Montanus, we have been working hard for you this day.
MONTANUS. What's that?
JESPER. We have intervened between your parents and your parents-in-law to bring about a reconciliation.
MONTANUS. Well, what have you accomplished? Did my father-in-law give way?
JESPER. The last words he said to us were, "There has never been any heresy in our family. You tell Rasmus Berg"—I merely quote his words; he never once said Montanus Berg—"You tell Rasmus Berg from me," said he, "that my wife and I are both honest, God-fearing people, who would rather wring our daughter's neck than marry her to any one who says that the earth is round, and brings false doctrine into the village."
PEER. To tell the truth, we have always had pure faith here on the hill, and Monsieur Jeronimus isn't far wrong in wishing to break off the match.
MONTANUS. My good friends, tell Monsieur Jeronimus from me that he is committing a sin in attempting to force me to repudiate what I once have said—a thing contrary to leges scholasticas and consuetudines laudabiles.
PEER. Oh, Dominus! Will you give up your pretty sweetheart for such trifles? Every one will speak ill of it.
MONTANUS, The common man, vulgus, will speak ill of it; but my commilitiones, my comrades, will praise me to the skies for my constancy.
PEER. Do you consider it a sin to say that the earth is flat or oblong?
MONTANUS. No, I do not, but I consider it shameful and dishonorable for me, a Baccalaureus Philosophiae, to repudiate what I have publicly maintained, and to do anything that is improper for one of my order. My duty is to see to it that ne quid detrimenti patiatur respublica philosophica.
PEER. But if you can be convinced that what you believe is false, do you consider it a sin to give up your opinion?
MONTANUS. Prove to me that it is false, and that methodice.
PEER. That is an easy thing for me to do. Now, a great many fine people live here in the village: first, your father-in-law, who has become distinguished by the mere use of his pen; next, myself, unworthy man, who have been deacon here for fourteen full years; then this good man, the bailiff, besides the parish constable, and various other good men established here who have paid their taxes and land rent in both good times and bad.
MONTANUS. That's the deuce of a syllogismus. What does all such nonsense lead to?
PEER. I'm coming to that directly. I say, just ask any one of these good men who live here in the village and see if any of them will agree with you that the world is round. I'm sure a man ought to believe what so many say, rather than what only one says. Ergo, you are wrong.
MONTANUS. You may bring all the people on the hill and let them oppose me both in this matter and others, and I shall close the mouths of all of them. Such people have no convictions; they must believe what I and other folk say.
PEER. But if you should say the moon was made of green cheese, would they believe that, too?
MONTANUS. Why not? Tell me, what do the people here think you are?
PEER. They believe that I am a good, honest man and deacon here in this place; which is true.
MONTANUS. And I say it is a lie. I say you are a cock, and I shall prove it, as surely as two and three make five.
PEER. The devil you will! Now, how can I be a cock? How can you prove that?
MONTANUS. Can you tell me anything to prevent you from being one?
PEER. In the first place I can talk; a cock cannot talk; ergo, I am not a cock.
MONTANUS. Talking does not prove anything. A parrot or a starling can talk, too; that does not make them human beings by any means.
PEER. I can prove it from something else besides talking. A cock has no human intelligence. I have human intelligence; ergo, I am not a cock.
MONTANUS. Proba minorem.
JESPER. Aw, talk Danish.
MONTANUS. I want him to prove that he has the intelligence of a human being.
PEER. See here, I discharge the duties of my office irreproachably, don't I?
MONTANUS. What are the main duties of your office wherein you show human intelligence?
PEER. First, I never forget to ring for service at the hour appointed.
MONTANUS. Nor does a cock forget to crow and make known the hour and tell people when to get up.
PEER. Second, I can sing as well as any deacon in Sjaelland.
MONTANUS. And our cock crows as well as any cock in Sjaelland.
PEER. I can mould wax candles, which no cock can do.
MONTANUS. Over against that, a cock can make a hen lay eggs, which you can't do. Don't you see that the intelligence you show in your calling fails to prove that you are better than a cock? Let us see, in a nutshell, what points you have in common with a cock: a cock has a comb on his head, you have horns on your forehead; a cockcrows, you crow, too; a cock is proud of his voice and ruffles himself up, you do likewise; a cock gives warning when it is time to get up, you when it is time for service. Ergo, you are a cock. Have you anything else to say? (Peer cries.)
JESPER. Here, don't cry, Peer! Why do you heed such things?
PEER. A plague on me if it's not sheer falsehood. I can get a certificate from the whole village that I am not a rooster; that not one of my forbears has been anything but a Christian human being.
MONTANUS, Refute, then, this syllogismus, quem tibi propano. A cock has certain peculiarities which distinguish him from other animals: he wakes people by a noise when it's time to get up; announces the hours; plumes himself on his voice; wears protuberances on his head. You have the same peculiarities. Ergo, you are a cock. Refute me that argument. (Peer weeps again.)
JESPER. If the deacon can't shut you up, I can.
MONTANUS. Let us hear your argument, then!
JESPER. First, my conscience tells me that your opinion is false.
MONTANUS. One cannot pass judgment in all matters according to a bailiff's conscience.
JESPER. In the second place, I say that everything you have said is sheer falsehood.
MONTANUS. Prove it.
JESPER. In the third place, I am an honest man, whose word has always deserved to be believed.
MONTANUS. That sort of talk will convince no one.
JESPER. In the fourth place, I say that you have spoken like a knave and that the tongue ought to be cut out of your mouth.
MONTANUS. I still hear no proof.
JESPER. And, finally, in the fifth place, I will prove it to you abundantly either with swords or with bare fists.
MONTANUS. No, I do not care for either, thank you; but as long as you wish to dispute with the mouth only, you shall find that I can justify not only the things which I have said, but more, too. Come on, Mr, Bailiff, I will prove by sound logic that you are a bull.
JESPER. The devil you will.
MONTANUS. Just have the patience to hear my argument.
JESPER. Come, Peer, let's go.
MONTANUS. I prove it in this way. Quicunque—(Jesper shrieks and puts his band over Erasmus's mouth.) If you do not wish to hear my proof this time, you can meet me another time, whenever you please.
JESPER. I am too good to associate with such a fanatic.
[Exeunt Jesper and Peer.]