SCENE 3
GERT. I 'll teach her to keep quiet at home another time. I confess that if it is statesmanlike to let yourself be dragged about by the hair by your wife, I shall never be a statesman.
HERMAN. Oh, qui nescit simulare, nescit regnare; that is easily said, but less easily done. I admit it was a great indignity my wife did me. I believe I shall run after her yet and beat her on the street. But one, two, three, four (and so on), nineteen, twenty. Now, that's all over. Let us talk of other things.
FRANZ. The women have altogether too much to say here in Hamburg.
GERT. Yes, that is so. I have often thought of bringing forward a proposal on the subject. But it is dangerous to fall out with them. Still, the proposal has its good points.
HERMAN. What is the proposal?
GERT. It consists of several articles. First, I argue that the marriage contract should not be eternal, but should be made for a term of years, so that if a man were not content with his wife, he could make a new contract with another one. A man ought to be bound, as he is with a rented house, to give a quarter's notice before moving-day, which should be at Easter or Michaelmas. If he were satisfied, the contract could be renewed. Believe me, if such a law were passed, there wouldn't be a bad woman to be found in Hamburg. Every one of them would try to gain favor in her husband's eyes so that her contract might be renewed. Have you good men anything to say against that article? Franz, you smile so knowingly, you surely have something to say against it. Let us hear it!
FRANZ. But couldn't a woman sometimes take the opportunity to separate from a husband who either was cruel to her or was an idler and only ate and drank, and refused to work to support his wife and children? Or she might take a fancy to some one else and make it so hot for her husband that, contrary to his intention, he would let her go. I argue that worse trouble might arise from such an arrangement. There are methods enough for coercing a woman. If every one would count twenty like you, Master Herman, when he got a box on the ear, we should have a fine lot of women. My humble opinion is that the best way when a woman is unruly is for the husband to threaten to sleep alone and share no bed with her till she improves.
GERT. I couldn't stick to that. To many men that would be as much of a hardship as it would be to the woman.
FRANZ. But a man can go elsewhere.
GERT. But a woman can go elsewhere.
FRANZ. Anyhow, Gert, let us hear the other articles.
GERT. I see myself! You just want to scoff some more, Nothing is so good that no fault can be found with it.
HERMAN. Let us talk of other things. People who heard us talk would think we were holding a consistory or a divorce court. I was thinking last night, as I lay awake, how the administration in Hamburg could be best arranged so that certain families whose members are born, as it were, to be burgomasters and councillors could be excluded from the highest positions of authority and complete freedom be introduced. I figured that the burgomasters should be taken in turn, now from one trade-guild, now from another, so that all citizens might share in the government and all classes flourish. For instance, when a goldsmith was burgomaster he could look after goldsmiths' interests, and a tailor after tailors', a tinker after tinkers'; and no one should be burgomaster for more than a month, so no one trade should prosper more than another. When the government was arranged like that, we might be called a really free people.
ALL. The proposition is splendid. Master Herman, you talk like a
Solomon.
FRANZ. The plan is good enough, but—
GERT. You always come in with a "but." I believe your father was a butler.
HERMAN. Let him express his opinion. What were you going to say?
What does that "but" of yours mean?
FRANZ. I wonder if it might not be hard at times to get a good burgomaster from every common trade? Master Herman would do, for he is well educated. But when he is dead, where shall we find another among the tinkers fitted for such responsibility? For when the republic is brought to its knees, it is not so easy to make it over into another form as it is to make over a plate or a pot that is spoiled.
GERT. Oh, nonsense! We shall find capable men a-plenty, and among artisans, too.
HERMAN. Listen, Franz. You are still a young man and so you can't see so deep into things as the rest of us, albeit I perceive that you have a good head and in time may amount to something. I can show you, briefly, that this objection of yours has no foundation, by a consideration of ourselves alone. We are twelve men in this guild, all artisans; each one of us can surely see hundreds of mistakes which the council makes. Imagine, now, that one of us becomes burgomaster and corrects all the mistakes that we have talked about so many times and that the council cannot see. Do you suppose the city of Hamburg would lose by such a burgomaster? If you good gentlemen are so disposed, I shall make that motion.
ALL. Yes, indeed.
HERMAN. But enough of these matters. Time flies, and we have not read the newspaper yet. Henrich, let us have the latest paper.
HENRICH. Here are all the latest newspapers.
HERMAN. Give them to Richard the brushmaker, who usually does the reading.
RICHARD. It is reported from headquarters on the Rhine that recruits are expected.
HERMAN. Oh, they have reported that twelve times in succession. Skip the Rhine. I could worry myself to death when I hear of such things. What is the news from Italy?
RICHARD. From Italy it is reported that Prince Eugene has broken camp, crossed the Po, and gone past all the fortifications to surprise the enemy, who thereupon retreated four miles in the greatest haste. The Duke of Vendome laid waste and burned right and left in his own territory as he retreated.
HERMAN. Upon my soul his Excellency is struck blind. We are done for. I wouldn't give fourpence for the whole army of Italy.
GERT. I maintain that the prince did right, for that has always been my plan. Didn't I say last time, Franz, that they ought to do that?
FRANZ. I don't remember that you did.
GERT. Of course I have said so, a hundred times. For why should an army lie idle? The prince has done right. I dare maintain it against any one, whoever he be.
HERMAN. Henrich, give us a glass of brandy. I swear, gentlemen, it went black before my eyes when I heard this news read.—Your health, gentlemen!—I must admit I consider it a fatal mistake to go past all the forts.
SIVERT. On my word, I should have done the same thing if the army had been entrusted to me.
FRANZ. You will see when they make generals of baggage inspectors.
SIVERT. You have no call to sneer. I should have been as good as another.
GERT. You are right there, Sivert. The prince did well to make straight for the enemy.
HERMAN. Ah, my good Gert, you are much too self-satisfied. You still have something to learn.
GERT. But not from Franz the cutler.
(They get into a violent quarrel and talk all at once. They rise from their chairs, threaten, and shout.)
HERMAN [knocking on the table and bellowing]. Silence! Silence! Gentlemen! Let us say no more about it, and each one hold to his own opinion. Listen, gentlemen! Keep still, will you? Do you think that it was from fear that the Duke of Vendome retired and set fire to the countryside? No, the fellow has been reading the Chronicle of Alexander the Great, for that's what he did when Darius followed him, and thereby he won as great a victory as we won before Hochstadt.
JENS. It has just struck twelve by the postmaster's clock.
HERMAN. Then we must go.
[They go out disputing, and make a great noise as they continue the argument.]