SCENE 4
HERMAN. Henrich, there will be trouble for you if you let in any more women or lawyers after this, for both of them kill me in their own way. If any others come and want to talk to me, you must tell them to be careful not to talk Latin, as I have given it up for a special reason.
HENRICH. I have given it up, too, for just the same reason.
HERMAN. You can say that I talk only Greek.
(Another knock. Henrich goes to the door and returns with a huge bundle of papers.)
HENRICH. Here is a heap of papers from the syndics, which the burgomaster must look over and give his opinion on.
(Herman sits down at a table and fumbles among the papers.)
HERMAN. It isn't so easy to be a burgomaster as I thought, Henrich. I've got some things here to look over that the devil himself couldn't make sense of. (Begins to write, gets sweat from his brow, sits down, and scratches out what he wrote before.) Henrich!
HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!
HERMAN. What's that noise you are making? Can't you keep quiet?
HENRICH. I'm not moving, Mr. Burgomaster.
HERMAN (gets up, wipes his face, and throws his wig upon the floor, to see if he can think better with his head bare. He steps over the wig, kicks it to one side, sits down to write again, and calls out). Henrich!
HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!
HERMAN. You 'll get into trouble if you don't stand still. That's the second time you have interrupted my train of thought.
HENRICH. Honestly I didn't do anything but tuck my shirt in and measure on my leg how much too long my livery coat is.
HERMAN (gets up again and pummels his forehead with his fists to make the thoughts come). Henrich!
HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!
HERMAN. Go out and tell the women that are hawking oysters on the street that they mustn't yell in the street I live in, because they disturb my political deliberations.
HENRICH (calls from the doorway, three times in succession). Listen, you oyster-women! You rabble! You carrion! You shameless wenches! You married men's whores! Is there no decency in you, that you dare to yell like that in the burgomaster's street and disturb him in his business?
HERMAN. Henrich!
HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!
HERMAN. Shut up, you brute!
HENRICH. It does no good, anyhow, to shout any more, because the town is full of people like that, and as soon as one goes by another comes in his place and—
HERMAN. No more talk. Stand still and keep your mouth shut. (Sits down, and again scratches out what he has written; writes more, gets up, stamps in anger, and calls.) Henrich!
HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!
HERMAN. I wish the devil would run off with this burgomastership. Do you want to be burgomaster in my place?
HENRICH. I'd rather be damned. (Aside.) And any one who would want the office deserves to be damned.
HERMAN (tries to sit down and go on writing, but he absent-mindedly picks the wrong place and lands on the floor). Henrich!
HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!
HERMAN. I'm lying on the floor.
HENRICH. So I see.
HERMAN. Come help me up.
HENRICH. But the burgomaster has just said I mustn't move from where
I stand.
HERMAN. That boy is damnable. (Gets up unassisted.) Isn't some one knocking?
HENRICH. Yes. (Goes to the door.) Whom do you want?
CITIZEN (off stage). I am the alderman of the hatters' guild, and I have a complaint to make to the burgomaster.
HENRICH. Here's the alderman of the hatters with some grievances.
HERMAN. Oh, I can't keep more than one thing in my head at a time.
Ask him what it is. (Henrich asks what he wants.)
CITIZEN. It's too long. I must speak to the burgomaster in person. It can be attended to in an hour, for my complaint consists of only twenty points.
HENRICH. He says he must talk to the burgomaster in person, for his point consists of only twenty complaints.
HERMAN. Oh, God help me, poor man, I am all jumbled up in my head already. Let him in.