Jeppe on the Hill; Or, The Transformed Peasant: A Comedy in Five Acts

by Ludvig Holberg

Scene 6.

Two lawyers. The judge. Jeppe.

(The judge comes in with an attendant and seats himself by a table, while Jeppe is tied by the hands and brought before the court. One of the lawyers steps forward and makes his charge thus:)

First Lawyer—Here is a man, your honor, who, we can testify, has stolen into the Baron's house, pretended he was the Baron, put on his clothes, tyrannized over his servants, which, since it is an outrageous act, we insist, on behalf of our client that it should be punished severely, so that other criminals may take warning from him.

Judge—Are you guilty of the offence which is charged against you? Speak up. What have you to say in your own defence, for we do not wish to judge until we hear both sides?

Jeppe—Ah, my poor soul! What shall I say? I admit that I have deserved punishment, but only for the money which I drank up and which I was to have bought soap with; I confess, also, that I have lately been at a castle, but how I got there and how I got away from there, I do not know.

Plaintiff (First Lawyer)—Your honor hears from his own confession that he has drunk to excess, and in his intoxication committed such an unheard-of misdemeanor. And it now only remains to determine whether such a serious crime can be excused on the ground of drunkenness. I say no! Since if that is the case, no crime would be punished. Everyone would be seeking some such excuse and say that it was done in drunkenness; and even if he can prove himself to have been drunk, his case will not thereby be improved; for it is a rule in law that what a man does in drunkenness he shall be held responsible for when he becomes sober.

Defendant (Second Lawyer)—Your honor! This matter appears so strange to me that I can hardly believe it, even if there were more witnesses. How could a guileless peasant steal in upon his lordship's estate, and assume his position, without being able to assume his face or his form! How could he come into my lord's sleeping-chamber? How could he get to his wardrobe without some one seeing him? No, your honor, one can see that it is a conspiracy hatched up by the poor man's enemies. I hope, therefore, that he will be acquitted.

Jeppe (weeping)—Ah! God bless your lips! I have a plug of tobacco in my pocket, if you would like some; it is good enough for any honest man.

Second Lawyer—No thanks, keep your tobacco, Jeppe. I am defending you not for money or gifts but only from a sense of Christian charity.

Jeppe—I beg your pardon, Mr. Lawyer, I had not thought that lawyers were so honest!

First Lawyer—That which my colleague adduces for the acquittal of this felon is based entirely on guess work. The question in this case is not whether it is probable that such a thing could occur, for it has already been proved, by witnesses as well as by his own confession, that it did occur.

Second Lawyer—What a man confesses through fear and intimidation cannot be considered in law. I ask, therefore, that this poor man be given time for reflection, and that he be asked the same questions once more. Listen, Jeppe, mind now what you say. Do you confess that of which you are accused?

Jeppe—No! I make my oath that everything which I have said before is a lie; for I have not been out of my house for three days!

First Lawyer—Your honor, I am firmly of the opinion that anyone who has first been proved guilty by witnesses, and later has confessed his own misdeeds should not be permitted to make a sworn statement.

Second Lawyer—I say yes,—

First Lawyer—I say no!

Second Lawyer—When the case is of such a peculiar nature.

First Lawyer—No circumstances can prevail against witnesses and the defendant's own confession.

Jeppe (aside)—Ah, if they could only get into a scrap with each other! In the meantime I should get hold of the judge and pound him, so he would forget both law and justice.

Second Lawyer—But listen, Herr Colleague! Although he confesses the deed, he has not deserved punishment; for he has committed no crime on the estate, neither murder nor robbery.

First Lawyer—That makes no difference; intentio furandi is the same as furtum.

Jeppe—Talk Danish, you dirty dog! Then we'll be able to defend ourselves all right.

First Lawyer—For whether it is found that a person intends to steal, or does steal, he is a thief.

Jeppe—Ah, my gracious judge, I should gladly be hanged, if that lawyer could be hanged at my side.

Second Lawyer—Don't talk that way, Jeppe, you only injure your own cause by it.

Jeppe—Why don't you answer, then? (Aside.) He stands there like a dumb fool.

Second Lawyer—But how do you prove furandi propositum?

First Lawyer—Quicumque in aedes alienas noctu irrumpit, tanquam fur aut nocturnus grassator existimandus est, atqui reus hic ita, ergo.

Second Lawyer—Nego majorem, qvod scilicit irruperit.

First Lawyer—Res manifesta est, tot legitimis testibus exstantibus, ac confitenti reo.

Second Lawyer—Quicumque vi vel metu coactus fuerit confiteri—

First Lawyer—But where is that vis? Where is that metus? That is but chicanery.

Second Lawyer—No, you are using chicane.

First Lawyer—No honest man shall accuse me of such a thing.

(The lawyers grapple, and Jeppe runs over and pulls the wig off the first lawyer and strikes him on the head with it.)

Judge—Order in the courtroom! Stop, I have heard enough! (Reads his verdict:) Whereas Jeppe on the Hill, son of Niels on the Hill, and grandson of Jeppe from the same place, is proved by legal witnesses as well as by his own confession to have surreptitiously entered the Baron's castle, put on his clothes, and maltreated his servants, he is condemned to die by poison, and when he is dead his body shall be hanged on the gallows.

Jeppe—Ah! Ah! Gracious judge! Is there no pardon?

Judge—None. The sentence shall be executed immediately in my presence.

Jeppe—Ah! Won't you give me a glass of whiskey before I drink the poison so that I can die like a soldier?

Judge—Yes, that is permitted.

Jeppe (drinks three glasses of whiskey, falls on his knees and asks:)—Is there then no pardon?

Judge—No, Jeppe! It is too late now.

Jeppe—Ah! But it isn't too late! The judge can surely change the sentence, and say that it was all wrong the first time. Why, that happens often, for we are all human.

Judge—No, you shall feel yourself in a few minutes that it is too late; for you have already taken the poison in the whiskey.

Jeppe—Ah, poor me! Have I already taken the poison? Ah, goodbye, Nille! Still, you fiend, you don't deserve to have me bid you farewell; goodbye Jens, Niels and Christoffer! Goodbye, my daughter Martha; goodbye, the apple of my eye! You have your father's face; we look as much alike as two drops of water. Goodbye, my dappled horse, and thanks for every time I have ridden on you; next to my own children I have loved no beast as much as you. Goodbye, Fairfax! My faithful dog and watch; goodbye Mo'ns, my black cat! Goodbye, my oxen, my sheep, my hogs, and thanks for good company and for every day I have known you. Goodbye—Ah! Now I can say nothing more, I am so weak and helpless.

(Falls over and remains lying.)

Judge—It works well; the drugged liquor has already done its work; he sleeps like a stone. Now hang him up; but see to it that he receives no injury from it, and that the rope comes only under his arms. Now we shall see how he acts when he awakes and finds himself hanging aloft.

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