SCENE IV.
Justice’s Study—the Justice is writing.
Old M. Well!—I shall have but few days’ more misery in this world!
Just. (looks up). Why! why—why then, why will you be so positive to persist in a lie? Take the money and leave the box! Obstinate blockhead! Here, William (showing the committal), take this old gentleman to Holdfast, the constable, and give him this warrant.
Enter Lucy, running, out of breath.
Lucy. I’ve found it! I’ve found it! Here, old man; here’s your money—here it is all—a guinea and a half, and a shilling and a sixpence, just as he said, papa.
Enter Landlady.
Land. Oh la! your worship, did you ever hear the like?
Just. I’ve heard nothing yet that I can understand. First, have you secured the thief, I say?
Lucy (makes signs to the landlady to be silent). Yes, yes, yes!—we have him safe—we have him prisoner. Shall he come in, papa?
Just. Yes, child, by all means; and now I shall hear what possessed him to leave the box. I don’t understand—there’s something deep in all this; I don’t understand it. Now I do desire, Mrs. Landlady, nobody may speak a single word whilst I am cross-examining the thief.
(Landlady puts her finger upon her lips—Everybody looks eagerly towards the door.)
Re-enter Lucy, with a huge wicker cage in her hand, containing a magpie—The Justice drops the committal out of his hand.
Just. Hey!—what, Mrs. Landlady—the old magpie? hey?
Land. Ay, your worship, my old magpie. Who’d have thought it? Miss was very clever; it was she caught the thief. Miss was very clever.
Old M. Very good! very good!
Just. Ay, darling, her father’s own child! How was it, child? Caught the thief, with the mainour, hey? Tell us all; I will hear all—that’s poz!
Lucy. Oh! then first I must tell you how I came to suspect Mr. Magpie. Do you remember, papa, that day last summer, when I went with you to the bowling-green, at the “Saracen’s Head”?
Land. Oh, of all days in the year! but I ask pardon, miss.
Lucy. Well, that day I heard my uncle and another gentleman telling stories of magpies hiding money; and they laid a wager about this old magpie and they tried him—they put a shilling upon the table, and he ran away with it, and hid it; so I thought that he might do so again, you know, this time.
Just. Right, right. It’s a pity, child, you are not upon the Bench; ha! ha! ha!
Lucy. And when I went to his old hiding place, there it was; but you see, papa, he did not take the box.
Just. No, no, no! because the thief was a magpie. No man would have taken the money and left the box. You see I was right; no man would have left the box, hey?
Lucy. Certainly not, I suppose; but I’m so very glad, old man, that you have obtained your money.
Just. Well then, child, here—take my purse, and add that to it. We were a little too hasty with the committal—hey?
Land. Ay, and I fear I was, too; but when one is touched about the credit of one’s house, one’s apt to speak warmly.
Old M. Oh, I’m the happiest old man alive! You are all convinced that I told you no lies. Say no more—say no more. I am the happiest man! Miss, you have made me the happiest man alive! Bless you for it!
Land. Well now, I’ll tell you what. I know what I think—you must keep that there magpie, and make a show of him, and I warrant he’ll bring you many an honest penny; for it’s a true story, and folks would like to hear it, I hopes—
Just. (eagerly). And, friend, do you hear? you’ll dine here to-day, you’ll dine here. We have some excellent ale. I will have you drink my health—that’s poz!—hey? You’ll drink my health, won’t you—hey?
Old M. (bows). Oh! and the young lady’s, if you please.
Just. Ay, ay, drink her health—she deserves it. Ay, drink my darling’s health.
Land. And please your worship, it’s the right time, I believe, to speak of the goose-pie now; and a charming pie it is, and it’s on the table.
Will. And Mr. Smack, the curate, and Squire Solid, and the doctor, sir, are come, and dinner is upon the table.
Just. Then let us say no more; but do justice immediately to the goose-pie; and, darling, put me in mind to tell this story after dinner.
(After they go out, the Justice stops.)
“Tell this story”—I don’t know whether it tells well for me; but I’ll never be positive any more—that’s poz!