ACT IV. The same. Later that day.
Jenny: Go on, go on, fear nothing. Laura is beginning to open her eyes. Our man will soon be taken, I tell you.
Worthy:
I am more afraid than ever.
Olivia:
Frankly, I have trouble persuading myself that your plan will succeed.
All that's happened will make him more careful.
Jenny: Him! It will make him more crazy. You don't know much about human nature. He's counting right now that he can make Laura believe black is white. Experience will only make him more bold. You will see if I don't know people.
Worthy:
If you can make me happy with your cunning, believe that—
Jenny: Stop, you owe me nothing for whatever I do. I do it only because I want to do it. It's a natural bent I have to ruin all these little animals with beautiful manners and cold hearts. Ah, if all women were like me! I am furious when I think that they cause more honest men to be shunned, with their devilish jargon, their oaths, and endless tricks and rascalities. It puts me in a whopping rage.
Worthy:
Your man is warned.
Jenny:
He is instructed in what he must do.
Olivia:
He is not a man to be won over by money?
Jenny: Oh, as to that I cannot say. I don't know if the mediocrity of his fortune and the natural desire to acquire money wouldn't tempt him from an untested probity. But there is a remedy for that. Promise to pay him only if all goes well and you will see that he will manage it.
Worthy:
As to that, Jenny, he can be assured. Where is he?
Jenny:
He's waiting in the Park for me to send for him.
Worthy:
I will go there myself.
Jenny:
You will do well.
(Exit Worthy)
Olivia: I won't hide from you, Jenny, that I wouldn't get involved in this for anything or anyone but my brother. I don't like doing wrong.
Jenny:
You were not so scrupulous this morning.
Olivia:
I admit that and I don't know why.
Jenny:
I do.
Olivia:
Why?
Jenny:
You want me to say it?
Olivia:
Yes.
Jenny:
It's because he told you he loved you.
Olivia:
Yes, I admit it. If only his heart agreed with his manners.
Jenny: (interrupting) Already more than half the way is taken. On my word, I thought I was speaking with a reasonable person, but I see that—
Olivia:
How you twist things around!
Jenny: Eh! My God, I understand that talk "his heart agreed with his manners." There's the jargon about which I was just speaking to you.
Olivia:
How crazy you are!
Jenny:
I am not crazy; I know what I'm talking about.
(Enter Laura)
Laura: (to Olivia) Well, madam, again you bring me to the point of being disabused. Alas, when will you disoblige me by proving that Cadwell is unfaithful?
Jenny:
There's time remaining in the day.
Laura: No, no, Jenny. Don't misunderstand. It's more than a day since I distrusted Cadwell. But can one separate so easily?
Olivia: Listen, madam, for myself, I will say no more. An error which pleases —contents us; a different state would seem harsh. I don't wish to poison your life's peace.
Laura: No, no, madam, let's finish it. It's time. I cannot remain for the rest of my life in the condition I am in. And I am tired of complaining.
Jenny:
Ah, that's better. Here's a woman. Courage, madam.
Laura:
I believe he's with Charlotte. Shall I send for him?
Jenny: To what good? They are not going to tell you anything, and you will merely increase their happiness.
Laura:
Then do what you wish.
Jenny:
I will do only what I said. (Seeing Captain Slice appear)
Here's Captain Slice. This is the man I spoke to you about.
(Enter Slice)
Laura:
Jenny has told you what must be done?
Slice:
Don't worry about anything, madam.
Jenny:
Have you some strong friends with you?
Slice:
I've got all I need.
Jenny:
Don't mess up, at least.
Slice:
Not my intention.
Olivia: (aside) In truth, it makes me sad. (to Laura) Madam, yet once more— Don't push this any further. You will be unhappy.
Laura:
No, madam, I tell you I am dying of it.
Jenny: (hearing someone)
I hear someone on the little landing. Retire. Perhaps it's Cadwell.
Oh, quickly. He mustn't see Captain Slice.
(Exit Laura, Olivia, and Slice) (After a moment enter Bendish)
Bendish:
Jenny, have you seen my master?
Jenny:
Bah! Silly, you know where he is better than I do.
Bendish:
No, may the Devil take me!
Jenny:
I just heard his porters.
Bendish:
It's true but I was using them.
Jenny:
But why in a chaise? Were you ill?
Bendish: Me? No. I wanted to make them earn their wages. I lost my master at the Opera. I don't know what has become of him. I believe one of his friends brought him home.
Jenny:
Ah, I hear him. Assuredly it is he. Goodbye.
Bendish: Goodbye, my Princess. (exit Jenny) Pretty language. That's what you get from service—always learning something. My princess, my pretty lady, my little angel, my queen, my petite. Killing words like these and a few sighs, and behold, no more is needed to turn the heads of several ladies of my acquaintance.
(Enter Cadwell)
Cadwell: (laughing)
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Bendish:
What's making you laugh so?
Cadwell: (still laughing)
Ah, ah, ha, ha.
Bendish:
Tell me what it is, so I can laugh, too.
Cadwell:
I was at the Opera as you know.
Bendish: Indeed, you were there. What the devil do you want? You were in the pit, on the stage, in the balcony—there wasn't a place there you didn't get into.
Cadwell:
Didn't you see me in one of the wings?
Bendish: Indeed, I saw you there, and I saw it when the house began to hiss you. They didn't hiss you like they do bad actors. If you persist, you will start a fashion of being hissed by spectators, fools, obviously. What the devil contortions were you making first on one foot, then the other?
Cadwell:
I was ogling a lady in the second balcony that I believe I know.
Bendish: Do you call that ogling? Oh, at least I am not so gauche, now I know how to ogle. To shrug, turn one's head, kiss the tip of your gloves very tenderly, that's called ogling, right? Well, did she respond to this ogling?
Cadwell: So well that I went up to her lodge, where I stayed but a moment with her because of a jealous husband who put his head through the curtain to find us. We didn't wait for him so we went to another lodge where we watched him quarrel with a woman who had taken our original seats. I believe he even struck her with his fist. This caused such a disturbance that the music stopped. We didn't want to wait for the end of the adventure. So I took her home. Don't you find that funny?
Bendish: Not at all. Of all this, I only like the ogling part. I intend to study under you. You seem to me to be an expert at this work.
Cadwell: Me? I am only a school boy. I will show you a chap at the Opera who can put the whole stage down.
Bendish: Isn't he the one who's always sweet, who believes all the ladies are in love with him, who gushes, sighs,—and who can be heard from the back of the theatre.
Cadwell:
You've got him.
Bendish:
Ah, yes, I know him. Is he a lively fellow, too?
Cadwell:
He says so.
Bendish:
Is he rich?
Cadwell:
Why?
Bendish: That's what I call lucky. Ah, I could be, too, since it's so easy. I intend to return to the Opera to ogle. (looking about him) Isn't there anybody here who likes ogling?
Cadwell:
Shut up, you are so stupid.
Bendish: (hearing a knocking)
Someone's knocking at the little stairway.
Cadwell:
Who can it be?
Bendish:
I don't know. Shall I see?
Cadwell:
See. At this hour I won't wait on anyone.
(Bendish goes to the door and after an instant returns)
Bendish:
They ask to speak to you and they want to know if you are alone.
Cadwell:
Who is this fellow?
Bendish:
He won't say. I've never seen him before.
Cadwell:
His name?
Bendish: He won't say. Send him off, sir. For fear of a mischance. He doesn't look right.
Cadwell:
You say that you've never seen him before?
Bendish: Right. But his mysterious demeanor, a pushed down hat, a cape that hides his nose—how the devil can I tell?
Cadwell:
Is it his cape or his face that doesn't look right?
Bendish:
Sir, there's talk of thieves. Suppose he's one?
Cadwell:
Aren't there two of us?
Bendish:
We are only one all the same.
Cadwell:
Do what I tell you.
(Bendish goes and returns with Captain Slice)
Bendish:
Enter, sir.
Slice:
Is it you, sir, they call Mr. Cadwell?
Cadwell:
Yes, sir.
Slice:
Can we be overheard?
Cadwell:
Not if you don't speak very loud.
Slice:
Would you please have your man retire?
Bendish: (frightened and glad to go)
Willingly.
Cadwell: Stay! (to Slice) Sir, Bendish is discreet. One can say anything before him.
Slice:
It's a matter of some consequence.
Cadwell:
I hide nothing from him—
Slice:
If you like, but—
Cadwell: (interrupting Slice)
Sir, in that case, I prefer not to know what you have to tell me.
Slice: As you prefer it thus, sir. In short, a widow lady of the finest quality—
Bendish: (aside)
I can breathe again. For this we have courage.
Slice:
A lady of quality, I tell you wishes to meet you in an hour.
Cadwell:
Who is she?
Slice: Far from telling you her name, sir, you will not speak to her except on certain conditions—which perhaps you will not accept.
Cadwell:
We must see.
Slice:
Will you permit yourself to be blindfolded while I take you to her?
Also, permit your hands to be tied?
Cadwell:
Why all these precautions?
Slice: Sir, she wishes it so. You have too much wit, sir, not to see as well as I, that she intends to know the state of your heart before discovering herself to you. I say too much perhaps, and overstay my commission.
Cadwell:
Are you something to her?
Slice:
Sir, I have nothing to say to you about that.
Cadwell:
I know who it is.
Slice:
Perhaps.
Cadwell:
Is she a brunette?
Slice:
She could be.
Cadwell:
Large green eyes?
Slice:
Getting closer.
Cadwell:
Mouth neither large nor small?
Slice:
I say no more.
Cadwell:
Pretty hand?
Slice:
I won't reply.
Cadwell: Admirable teeth? The nose— Come, come, my boy, I know who she is. (to Bendish) Bendish, she's the one at the ball. Yes, it's she for sure. (to Slice) Yes, my boy, I will go. Yes, I will go, I tell you. Oho, there my friend, admit to me that I have discovered her. Doesn't she lodge near the Arsenal? Eh? If you please? Oh, I will go on my word. I've figured her out, right?
Slice: (hesitating to respond)
Sir . . .
Cadwell: Oh, you are stupid, my poor heart, I am more clever than you. In what direction? At what time? You haven't said.
Slice:
In an hour. From wherever you wish.
Cadwell:
In the Palace Courtyard, in half an hour.
Slice:
No, that's too soon.
Cadwell:
Well, in an hour.
Slice:
That's fine.
(Exit Slice)
Cadwell:
It's Lady Julia—without a doubt.
Bendish:
Oh, I believe it. But didn't you promise to have supper with Laura?
Cadwell: I will return. That doesn't worry me. What worries me is what I will do here for another hour. (looking at his watch) It's not yet— For me, I cannot remain here a minute longer. I have to do something.
Bendish: The time you employ doing nothing is the time you employ the least badly.
Cadwell:
And you—you never are more witty than when I tell you to shut up.
(Making Bendish examine his face) Tell me—how do I look? This jerkin
appears to me to have a short waist. What do you think?
Bendish:
Effectively,—I don't know. Yes, you're right.
Cadwell:
Give me another.
Bendish:
Which one?
Cadwell:
Whichever you please. Bring me the one I wore yesterday.
Bendish:
Fie!
Cadwell:
Why?
Bendish:
It won't go well with you. Keep this one.
Cadwell:
I don't like it.
Bendish:
The other one makes your shoulders too large.
Cadwell:
Never mind.
Bendish:
When you want something, you want it.
Cadwell:
What talk! Are you going?
Bendish: (hesitating to reply)
Sir?
Cadwell:
What?
Bendish:
You are going to be angry with me.
Cadwell:
What's the scamp trying to say? Are you going to give me my jerkin?
Bendish: (half crying)
Sir.
Cadwell:
Well?
Bendish:
I spilled tallow on it trying to clean it.
Cadwell:
Where is it?
Bendish:
I took it to have the grease taken off before I brought it back.
Cadwell:
Go get it right away.
Bendish:
Sir, it won't be ready.
Cadwell:
Bring it to me in whatever condition it is.
Bendish:
Sir.
Cadwell:
What now? Will you go?
Bendish:
Sir.
Cadwell:
What now? Will you go?
Bendish: Sir, I must tell you the truth. I loaned it to a student for a tragedy.
Cadwell:
My jerkin to a college boy? To a child?
Bendish: No, sir. He's a big fellow, handsome, well made—like you, and he plays the king in a tragedy.
Cadwell:
Ah, truly, I am pleased to know that you loan my clothes. But the
moment this tragedy is finished get it back the very instant. (Seeing
Bendish hesitate) What then? You won't do what I tell you?
Bendish: (hesitating)
Sir?
Cadwell:
Ah, I see what it is. You put it in pawn, correct?
Bendish: Sir, you've divined it. As you never give me my wages or advance money to me, I've had recourse to prompt expedients.
Cadwell:
You will pay me for this, I promise you. Give me the red one, Bendish.
(Bendish goes into Cadwell's room) But look at this little scoundrel.
Put my clothes in pawn.
Bendish: (returning with a red jerkin and presenting it to Cadwell)
Here it is.
Cadwell: (not putting on the jerkin that Bendish brings him but asking for different garments, as soon as they are brought) Ah, I know how to live, I assure you. Another wig. I will teach you to play such tricks. Another hat! But just watch and see, I beg you. A mirror. Who has ever heard of such a thing. A scamp that I have showered benefits on. The orange flower.— To abuse me so easily. Ah, you don't know me yet, I see that clearly. A handkerchief. You will repent, mark my words. (listening to rapping) Go open up. You will see a little the difference there is.
(Bendish opens the door and introduces Mr. Martin)
(Enter Martin, holding a scarf)
Bendish:
Mr. Martin, your scarf—
Cadwell:
Ah, Mr. Martin, your servant. You see me in a rage.
Martin:
Sir, it's not my fault.
Cadwell: (to Bendish)
Will you take this mirror? (Bendish holds the mirror for him)
Martin:
I've come—
Cadwell:
I am very glad to know you—
Martin:
I'm in despair—
Cadwell: (to Bendish)
I jut remembered.
Martin:
I must tell you—
Cadwell: (to Bendish)
A cad—
Martin: (astonished)
Sir!
Cadwell:
An insolent—
Martin:
Sir!
Cadwell:
An impudent.
Martin:
Sir.
Cadwell:
A rogue, a cheat—
Martin:
Oh, sir!
Cadwell:
Don't you see that I am talking to this scoundrel!
Bendish: (low to Martin)
Want to be in it for half?
Martin: (low to Bendish)
No, I won't play such a rotten game.
Cadwell: (to Bendish)
I believe you are joking
Bendish: (pointing to Martin)
Ask if I haven't spoken—
Cadwell: (to Martin)
There, let's see. Do you have my scarf?
Martin: (displaying the scarf)
Here it is.
Cadwell: (examining it)
It's very pretty. How much did you pay him?
Martin: This morning a masked lady in a chaise came to my shop to purchase it from me. It was only ten o'clock. I believed that you would not be awake. Another lady, also masked paid my wife for it. My wife went out. A third purchased it from my daughter. What shall I do with this money? I don't know who gave it to me?
Cadwell:
Make me two more scarves.
Martin:
Same kind?
Cadwell:
No, different. You have some wit, to adjust things like that.
Martin:
Fine, sir, you will have them in the morning.
(Exit Martin)
Bendish: Sir, in favor of so many scarves, won't you pardon me for a little jerkin?
Cadwell: I will pardon you, but if ever in your life—I am going to spend a few minutes with this little shop girl near here, waiting for the hour.
Bendish:
Shall I go to find you?
Cadwell:
No, I have no need of you. I must be alone. Didn't they say that?
(Exit Cadwell)
Bendish: Plague! At least I wasn't so stupid as to give him the jerkin he asked for! It's a lucky jerkin for lucky men. They usually are employed in great matters, and I intend to use it in a great affair. For once in my life I intend to know what it is to be a man of fortune. I already know how to ogle, as for small talk I know that. I have only to dress quickly. (taking Cadwell's clothes from an armoire, and dressing with difficulty for Cadwell's clothes are a bit tight) Oh, let's begin with this divine jerkin. Plague! It's tight. Oh, who cares! A snip with the scissors and two or three stitches with a needle are no great matter. All right hips—get smaller. No good. What's the difference. I will say that they brought it this way. You will see that I will start a fashion of high hips. I have been seen before with big shoulders and elbows in arrear. Here's a jerkin which seems very easy for me to put on. These cursed tailors put the buttons so far from the button holes. I will burst. Well, who would not suffer for good luck. Was ever a man better dressed? Large head, small waist, low hips. Dammit, I intend to forget that Cadwell exists. Damnation, I almost forgot the best part. Orange flower water. Can one have good fortune without orange flower water? (he takes a flask from the toilet and sprays himself) It seems to me I have all the attributes of a lucky man. God protect us from mishap!