WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS FOR A FISH STORY?
Last spring, while a party of tourists were fishing up North, a well-known lawyer lost his gold watch from the boat in which he was sitting.
Last week he made another visit to the lakes, and during the first day’s sport caught an eight-pound trout. His astonishment can be imagined when he found his watch lodged in the throat of the trout.
The watch was running and the time correct. It being a “stem-winder,” the supposition is that in masticating his food the fish wound up the watch daily.
TREATMENT OF CHILDREN.
An absent-minded doctor was called in to see a child two years old suffering from convulsions. After a careful diagnosis, he prescribed as follows:
“Nervous excitement. Avoid all violent emotions; abstain from wines and spirits; avoid excess at table and other indulgences; travel a good deal; go frequently to the theater. Beware of reading a certain class of novels.”
SMALLEST RACE OF PEOPLE.
The inhabitants of the Andaman Islands are the smallest race of people in the world taken as a whole. The average height of a full-grown Andaman is three feet, eleven inches, and the average weight less than seventy pounds. They are very warlike, and, as they throw poisoned spears with marvelous accuracy, it is not at all strange that travelers do not care to encounter them.
HER FATHER HAD NO OBJECTION.
“How does your father seem to regard my coming here?” anxiously asked Adolphus of little Bobby, while Maud was upstairs, getting ready to present herself.[Pg 53]
“I guess he don’t care nothin’ about it,” replied Bobby carelessly.
“So he has no objection, eh? But what did he say, my little man?”
“He said if Maud was a mind to make a fool of herself, why, let her.”
THE RUSE WORKED.
“Bobby is attending to his pianoforte lessons very faithfully of late,” said the youth’s uncle.
“Yes,” replied his mother. “I don’t have any trouble with him about that now.”
“How did you manage it?”
“Some of the neighbors complained of the noise his exercises made, and I told him about it. Now he thinks it’s fun to practice.”
A HORSE STORY.
“Mamma”—sorrel colt gazes anxiously to his dam—“the chestnut filly wants me to run away with her the next time we go driving together.”
He looked down shyly.
“What shall I say?”
The mare bridled up.
“Turn to her, my son, and whisper gently: ‘Neigh, neigh, Pauline!’”
And with a horse laugh they resumed the discussion of their table d’oat.
BOBBY’S BAD BOX.
Mrs. Suburb—“Bobby, I wish you would weed this flower bed.”
Bobby—whimpering—“If I sit out here in the hot sun, a-pullin’ weeds, I’ll get all sunburned, and my skin will be so sore I can’t sleep.”
Mrs. Suburb—“That’s easily remedied. After you get through with the flower beds you may pull all the plantain weeds out of the lawn and bring them to me. Plantain leaves are good for sunburn.”
SHOWING HIS WISDOM.
Housekeeper—“I wish to get some borax.”
New Boy—“Powdered?”
“I hardly know. I saw in a paper that roaches could be killed with borax.”
“Guess you’d better take the other kind, ma’am. It’s ’most as hard as rocks. Have you a little boy?”
“Y-e-s?”
“Well, if I was you, I’d let him do the throwing.”
BETTER THAN ALARM CLOCKS.
Bright Boy—“You don’t have to wake up the girl any more do you?”
Mother—“No, for a wonder; she has awakened herself every morning for a week.”
“I thought she would.”
“Why so?”
“All the flies I caught in that fly trap I took upstairs and let out in her room.[Pg 54]”
THE NEWS OF ALL NATIONS.