Negro Finds Rope with Cow Attached.
A negro, Arthur Chairs—his name was part of the set—brought into the Memphis city court on a charge of larceny, carried with him a minstrel joke that Dan Rice used to knock ’em off the seats with years ago. It was so old that it became new when viewed in the serious light in which the negro placed it.
Nobody ever thought that there was any foundation for the old, exculpatory joke that a thief picked up a rope that had a horse at the other end of it, until Arthur Chairs demonstrated beyond doubt that the joke had a foundation in serious fact.
The negro was charged with the larceny of a cow from the rural districts around Oakville. Henry Grant, a negro, appeared as prosecutor. Henry lost the cow.
“Your honor,” said the detective who apprehended the prisoner and his bovine charge, “Henry Grant, here, the prosecutor, lost a cow, and we found Arthur Chairs trying to sell it.”
“What was the cow worth?” asked Justice Biggs, who was wielding the gavel at the session.
“About fifty dollars,” said Grant.
“Must have been a Jersey,” said the judge.
“It was, judge,” said the detective, “and a young heifer, at that.”
“Arthur.”
“Yessah, jedge.”
“Ever been up here before on a charge of this kind?” asked the judge.
“Nossah, jedge, I sho nevah wah heah befo’ in mah life.”
“What do you do for a living?”
“I wucks, jedge, wucks all de time.[{66}]”
“What sort of work do you engage in?” asked the judge.
“I does mos’ any kinds of wuck I kin find ter do dese days.”
“Now, then, Arthur, the preliminaries are settled. Tell us about this cow.”
“I don’t know much ’bout dat cow, jedge, I sho don’t.”
“Your associations with this bovine were of a pleasant nature, if not of much duration, were they not?” smiled the judge.
“Yassah, jedge, yassah.”
“Just to come right down to plain words, you stole that cow, did you not?” asked the judge sharply.
“Nossah, jedge, I can’t say dat I done stole dat cow at all.”
“Does your high regard for the truth prevent you making a statement to that effect?”
“Yassah, jedge, yassah. I sho gwine ter tell yo’ de trufe ’bout it.”
“I feel justified in expecting that,” laughed the judge.
“Yassah, jedge, yassah.”
“If you did not steal the cow, tell us how you became the possessor of it.”
“Tells yo’, jedge. I’s passin’ ’long de road, an’ dis cow standin’ dah, seemin’ lak she lost. I stops and ’gins ter see if I kin identify huh. Den she ’pears ter know me, an’ I rubs her about de neck, an’ she lay huh haid ovah on me jes’ lak she wants me ter take care ob huh. Den I drap de rope aroun’ huh horns an’ walked away.”
“She followed you?”
“Yassah, jedge, yassah; she sho did.”
“Didn’t have to pull on the rope?”
“Nossah, jedge, not er bit.”
“Hold him for the State,” ordered the judge, and the cow’s guardian pro tem. was escorted below.