THE REBEL DIVISION GENERAL
The sentinel listened very patiently to the explanation of Owen Raynes; but, as he proceeded, the face of the soldier relaxed till his muscles had contracted into a broad grin. The sergeant of the guard was then sent for, and the explanation repeated. At its conclusion, both the sentinel and the sergeant seemed to be disposed to laugh in the faces of the twin friends, so keenly were the former alive to the ludicrous.
“That’s a very pretty story, my men! You, without the pass, are going to see that everything is right about the man that has the pass; in other words, the devils are going to see that the angels don’t do anything wicked,” said the sergeant, laughing at the awkward position of Owen and Allan, and perhaps quite as much at the sharpness of his own illustration.
“We are entirely satisfied in regard to this young man,” said Owen; “but we have come in order to satisfy another person, who believes that he is an impostor. We promised to take him to Major Platner.”
“You can’t enter these lines without a pass,” replied the sergeant firmly. “This man can go through; for he has a pass,” he added to Somers.
“As I am all right, and in a hurry, I will proceed to the brigade headquarters,” said Somers. “Now, good-by, my friends; I am very glad to have met you, and much obliged to you for the trouble you have taken to come so far with me.”
“You take it coolly,” laughed Owen.
“Perhaps, if you desire to go to the brigade headquarters, the sergeant will let you pass, if I will vouch for you,” continued Somers with great good humor.
“We are not very particular.”
“What do you say, sergeant?”
“My orders are to permit no stragglers from other camps to pass these lines, and I shall obey my orders to the letter,” replied the official, who, for some reason or other, seemed to be prejudiced against Somers’s friends.
“Stragglers!” exclaimed the sensitive Allan. “I think we have gone far enough.”
“I think you have,” added the sergeant; “and, if you don’t leave at once, it will be my duty to arrest you.”
“Whew!” exclaimed Owen. “That would be carrying the joke altogether too far. I think my pater ought to be satisfied with what we have done.”
“Move on,” said the sergeant.
They did move on; and Somers, attended by the officer of the guard, walked towards headquarters.
“Those are the coolest fellows that ever came near my lines,” said the sergeant. “Men without a pass looking out for one who has a pass!”
“Well, they are good fellows; but I played a joke upon them, which makes them a little sour towards me,” replied the scout. “I am even with them now.”
“What was the joke?” demanded the sergeant, who was filled with interest at the mention of the word.
Somers gave him a modified account of the affair at the house of Mr. Raynes; which he embellished a little for the occasion, to allay any suspicion which might arise in the mind of the auditor. But the officer of the guard had no suspicion. Why should he have any? for Somers, armed with a pass signed by the officer of the day, was walking as directly as he could towards the headquarters. The sergeant of the guard left him when they reached the guard tent; and Somers proceeded to report in due form to the major, whom he found smoking his cigar under a tree as complacently as though there was not a traitor or a spy in the land.
“Well, young man! you have returned promptly at the time specified,” said the major, as Somers very deferentially touched his cap to this magnate of the rebel army.
“Yes, sir; I have endeavored to discharge my duty faithfully,” replied Somers.
“Did you find the regiment?”
“No, sir; I lost my way; and finding I should not have time to go to the place where it is, without overstaying my time, I hastened back, knowing that the service upon which you wished to employ me was very important indeed.”
“You did right, young man. Where is your coat?”
“It was one I picked up just after I had passed the lines, and a soldier down below claimed it. I gave it up when he convinced me it was his property.”
“You are very honest as well as patriotic.”
Somers bowed, but made no reply to the compliment; which, however, was fully appreciated.
“You seem to be a young man of good address, and you can render your country a great service, but it will be at the peril of your life,” said the major with impressive formality.
“I am willing to serve my country, even with my life.”
“I do not doubt it. I was impressed by your manner, and I have recommended you to the general for the service he has in view. I hope you will do credit to the selection I have made; for the most important duty which a commander has to perform is to select proper persons for the execution of special missions.”
“I will endeavor to serve my country to the best of my ability; and I am satisfied that I can go all over the Yankee camps without difficulty.”
“Very well! You have confidence in yourself; and that is the first requisite of success. If you discharge this duty with fidelity and skill, you may be sure of being made a sergeant the moment you return.”
“Thank you, Major Platner. I am very grateful to you, sir, for the opportunity you thus afford me to distinguish myself.”
“You will find me a good friend, if you are faithful and intelligent.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Now you shall go with me to General M——’s headquarters, and he will give you your final instructions.”
Major Platner led the way; and Somers reverently followed a pace or two behind him, flattering the officer in every action as well as word. They reached the division headquarters, and our hero was ushered into the presence of the general. He was a large, red-faced man, and had evidently taken all the whiskey he could carry, at his dinner, from which he had just returned.
“What have you got there, Platner?” demanded the general, in a tone so rough, that Somers was reminded of the ogre in Jack the Giant-killer.
“The young man of whom I spoke to you this forenoon. He is a person of remarkable address, courage and skill; and is just the man you need.”
“All right; adieu, major!” added the general, bowing to the other.
Major Platner took the hint, and took himself off, leaving Somers standing alone and somewhat abashed in the presence of the great man.
“Young man!” said, or rather roared, the rebel general, as he raised his eyes from the ground, and fixed them with a half-drunken leer upon our hero.
“Sir!”
“How much whiskey can you drink without going by the board?”
Somers did not know, had never tried the experiment, and was utterly opposed to all such practices. But he desired to conciliate the tipsy general; and, if he had not been fearful of being put to the test, he would have signified his belief that he could carry off half a dozen glasses. As it was, he did not dare to belie his principles.
“Not any, sir! I never drink whiskey,” he replied, with the utmost deference in his tones.
“Hey?” gasped General M——, darting a sudden glance at the young man.
“I never drank a glass of whiskey in my life, sir,” added Somers.
The general jumped off his camp-stool with a sudden jerk, and stared at our lieutenant in silence for an instant.
“Give me your hand,” said he.
Somers extended his hand.
“Yes! you are flesh and blood. You are the first man I ever saw that never drank a glass of whiskey. You drink brandy, don’t you?”
“No, sir! I never drank a glass of liquor or wine of any kind in my life.”
“Give me your hand,” said the general again.
“Flesh and blood! You are the first man I ever saw that never drank a glass of liquor or wine of any kind. ’Tis a bad practice,” he added with an oath.
“I think so, sir,” replied Somers with due deference.
“Young man!”
“Sir.”
“The greatest enemy—hic—that the Confederate army has to contend against is whiskey. Yes, sir! whiskey. If the Confederate States of—hic—of America ever win their independence, it will be when the whiskey’s all gone.”
“I am very glad to hear officers of your high rank condemning the practice,” said Somers, alive to the joke of the general’s proceedings, but prudently looking as serious as though it had been a solemn tragedy instead of an awful farce.
“Yes, sir! I’m opposed with all my might to the practice. Yes, sir! Whiskey is the greatest enemy I have on the face of the footstool, young man.”
Somers believed him.
“Always be temperate, young man. You are in the sunshine of—hic—of life. Never drink whiskey. It will ruin your body and soul. Don’t touch it, young man,” added he, as he sank back on the camp-stool, whose center of gravity was nearly destroyed by the shock, and closed his eyes, as if overcome by the potency of his great enemy, which was just then beginning to have its full effect, and which produced a tendency to sleep.
“I will endeavor to profit by your good advice, sir,” said Somers.
“That’s right; do so,” added the general, as he jerked up his head to banish the drowsy god, who was struggling for the possession of his senses. “That will do, young man. You may go now.”
The general, in his drunken stupor, had certainly forgotten the business for which Major Platner had brought him to the division headquarters; and Somers began to fear that he should have no errand that day.
“I beg your pardon, general; but Major Platner was kind enough to say that you had some service for me to perform.”
“Eh?” demanded he, tossing up his head again.
Somers repeated the remark more explicitly than before.
“Exactly so; I remember. Do you know what I was thinking about just then, young man?” said the general, spasmodically leaping to his feet again, as though the thought was full of inspiration.
“No, sir; a man in my humble position could hardly measure the thoughts of a great man in your situation.”
“I’ll tell you; I was thinking about issuing a division general order on the subject of temperance. What do you think of it?”
“It would be an excellent idea,” replied Somers.
“Young man!”
“Sir.”
“I believe you said—hic——”
Somers did not say anything of the sort; but he waited patiently for the rebel general to recover the idea which he appeared to have lost.
“I believe you said you never drank any whiskey?”
“I never did, sir.”
“Then you never was drunk?”
“Never, sir.”
“Sir.”
“Are you a—hic——”
Somers was not a “hic;” but he was an impatient young man, and very anxious to be instructed in regard to his difficult and dangerous mission.
“Are you a minister of the gospel?” demanded the general, after a mighty effort.
“No, sir; I am not.”
“I’m sorry for—hic—for that; for I wanted to appoint you a division chaplain, to preach against whiskey to the general officers. Some of them are—hic—drunken fellows, and no more fit for a command than the old topers in the streets of Richmond.”
“I am sorry I am not competent to fill the office; but I think, if you should lecture them yourself, it would have a better effect.”
“My words are—hic—powerless. They laugh when I talk to them about the error of their ways,” added he with a string of oaths, which seemed to exhibit a further necessity for a chaplain on the division staff.
“I beg your pardon, sir; but I am afraid your interest in the moral welfare of your officers——”
“That is it, young man!” interrupted the drunken general, catching at his idea with remarkable promptness. “My interest in the moral welfare of my—hic—of my officers! You are a trump, young man [big oath]. You are a major now?”
“No, sir.”
“No, sir; nothing but a private.”
“Then you shall be a captain. I haven’t heard any such—hic—sentiments as you expressed used in this division before. You ought to be a—hic—a brigadier-general.”
“Thank you, sir. You are very kind. I came to you for instructions in regard to my mission over to the enemy.”
“Bless me! yes; so you did. Well, I have not written them yet.”
“I only want a pass from you, general, with such verbal instructions as you may please to give me.”
“So you do; the fact of it is, my interest in the moral welfare of my men had driven the matter out of my mind.”
The general called an orderly; and Somers was sent off to the adjutant for the pass, which was given to him under the name he had assumed. When he returned, the general was sound asleep on his camp-stool, rolling about like a ship in a gale, with a prospect of soon landing at full length on terra firma. Somers would gladly have received some military information from the general, who was in a condition to tell all he knew; which, however, could not have been much, under the circumstances. He concluded that it would be best for him not to awaken the tipsy moralist; and, after waiting a short time on the spot to avoid suspicion, he joined Major Platner, who was smoking his cigar under a tree near the headquarters.
“Well, young man, did you obtain your instructions?”
“Yes; all I require.”
“Perhaps we ought to have seen the general before dinner,” added the major, using the remark as a “feeler” to induce his companion to inform him what had transpired during the interview.
“Perhaps it would have been more agreeable to the general. However, he seemed to be in a very talkative mood.”
“He commonly is after dinner.”
“He is a very jovial, good fellow.”
“Very.”
“But he appears to feel a deep interest in the moral welfare of those under his command. He expressed himself as very averse to habits of intemperance.”
“Humph!” coughed the major.
“He said that whiskey was the great enemy the army has to contend against, and intends to issue a general order directed at the vice of intemperance.”
“Did he?”
“He did; but I ought to add, that he took me to be a major in the service; a mistake which was very natural, since I wore no coat.”
“Very natural—after dinner,” replied Major Platner suggestively.
“I told him I never drank any strong drink; and he kindly advised me never to do so.”
“The general is a brave man, and I hope he will be able to overcome all his enemies.”
The major permitted the conversation to go by default, and Somers respectfully dropped a pace or two behind him. They reached the brigade headquarters, and then repaired to the guard tent, from which the scout took his departure upon his arduous and difficult mission, with the best wishes of the rebel officers.
With his pass he had no difficulty in going through any line, and made his way down to the woods on the left of the open fields. He began to feel easier when he had passed the field-works, and experienced a sensation of exultation as he thought of the reception which awaited him at headquarters as well as in the regiment.