Marriage.
At one time, according to one authority, when a youth had fixed his affections upon a maiden of suitable condition, he disclosed his passion by attaching a branch of a certain shrub (the Celastrus alatus) to the house of the damsel's parents. If this emblem of his passion was neglected, it implied that his suit was rejected; if accepted, so was the lover; and should the young lady wish to express reciprocal tenderness, she forthwith blackened her teeth, though she must not pluck out her eyebrows until after the wedding.[113] In other times, the affair was arranged by a go-between. A young man would get a married friend to help him select a bride, to make his wants known to the girl and her family, and to arrange a meeting between the young people at the home of a mutual friend, where they could decide the matter. Again the matter may have been arranged by the families, it might be a long time in advance, so that the young people did not have much to do with it.
When the matter was decided on, then presents were exchanged, the young man usually sending a piece of handsome silk, used for the obi or girdle, which corresponded to the engagement-ring of Europe and America, but sometimes the young man sent other presents, and because of which a handsome daughter was considered rather an addition to the fortune of a family. A formal betrothal was then entered into, and a lucky day found for the wedding.
Just before the wedding, generally on the morning of the wedding-day, the bride's trousseau and the household goods, which the bride was expected to take with her, were sent to the house of the bridegroom. These varied according with the rank and position and wealth of the bride's family. The trousseau would contain dresses for all seasons and sashes of all kinds, and since fashion unchanged a woman might enter her husband's home with a supply of clothing that could last her through a lifetime.
As in old times the wedding ceremony occurred in the afternoon, toward noon there was a bridal procession from the bride's home to the home of the bridegroom. The bride was seated in a palanquin, clothed and veiled in white, escorted by two bridesmaids, and accompanied by relatives, neighbors, and friends, the men all in their dress of ceremony and the women in their gayest robes. When the procession reached the bridegroom's home, the bride was escorted by the bridesmaids into the room of state, where sat the bridegroom in the post of honor, surrounded by parents and nearest relatives.
When the real ceremony was performed there were present the bridegroom and his parents, the bride and her parents, a few of the most intimate relatives or friends, and the cupbearers, perhaps not over a dozen people in all. There was no religious ceremony, no words were spoken, no promises, no vows, no prayer. When all was ready, the wedding-cup, a two-spouted cup, was filled by a young girl with native wine (saké) and presented to the mouths of the bride and groom alternately, till all was drank by them, being a symbol as husband and wife of the equal sharing of their joys and sorrows of married life. Then the young couple arose and offered cups of saké to their parents, after which the bride removed her veil, and the ceremony was ended. Then the wedding-guests, who had been in other rooms during the ceremony, joined the wedding-party and all partook of a feast prepared for the occasion, with the mirth and joy that usually accompany weddings among all peoples and in all times.
On the third day after the wedding, the newly-married couple were expected to make a visit to the bride's family. The bride's family prepared a dinner for the occasion, with music and dancing by professional performers, and other entertainment. A large number of the relatives and friends were invited and the bride appeared as hostess with her mother. Within the course of two or three months, the newly married couple were expected to entertain either in their own home, the home of the bridegroom's parents, or at a tea-house.
"There are wedded couples who labor and save heroically for years, in order to pay the expenses of their marriage festival. There is one rather amusing custom, however, whereby this expense may be avoided. A couple of respectable people have a daughter, who is acquainted with a good young fellow who would be an excellent husband for her, except that he lacks the necessary means to give her the customary wedding-presents and keep a free table for a week, for the two families. The parents, coming home from the bath one fine evening, do not find their daughter at home. They inquire in the neighborhood; nobody has seen her, but all the neighbors offer their services in assisting to find her. The parents accept the offer, and the procession, constantly increasing in numbers, passes from street to street, until it reaches the dwelling of the lover. The latter, protected by his closed screens, in vain pretends to be deaf; he is at last obliged to yield to the demands of the crowd. He opens the door, and the lost daughter, in tears, throws herself at the feet of her parents, who threaten her with their malediction.
"Then, the tender-hearted neighbors, moved by the scene, intercede; the mother relents; the father, remains haughty and inexorable; the intercession of the neighbors increases in eloquence, and the young man promises to be the most faithful of sons-in-law. Finally, the resistance of the father is overcome; he pardons his daughter, pardons the lover, and calls the latter his son. All at once, as if by magic, cups of saké circulate among the crowd; everyone takes his or her place on the matting of the room; the two outlaws are seated in the midst of the circle, drink their bowl of saké together, the marriage is proclaimed in the presence of a sufficient number of witnesses, and the police officer enters it upon his list the next morning."[114]
There is another side of Japanese marriage, where the young man enters the home of the bride. If in a family there was no son to inherit the name and no son was adopted, upon the eldest daughter's coming of age, her family would seek some young man who would be willing to marry the daughter and give up his own name and take that of the family. The young men were usually attracted to such a marriage because thereby they could inherit wealth or rank or both, but sometimes such was entered upon solely on account of the attractiveness of the young lady.
It is a question whether polygamy in itself ever existed in Japan, but there is no question about concubinage, as it began at an early time, for the Emperor was allowed twelve supplementary wives and the nobles (samurai) two. It seems from the earliest there was one legal wife, and whatever the other women were they were subservient to her. But concubinage did not prevail very much among the middle and lower classes, and with the upper classes only with the wealthier members. These concubines were kept in the home unless the legal wife was strong enough to keep them out, when they were furnished separate dwellings. They were ever a discordant element in the life of the family. Since both Shintoism and Confucianism called for ancestral worship, where there were no offspring by the legal wife, this might call for concubinage to raise up children, and sometimes where there was no heir, the wife might for that cause urge the husband to take a handmaid to raise up sons to preserve the ancestral line. If the child of a concubine was adopted into the family, it was taken from the mother and she became no more to it than any other of the servants and had no more to do with it than they did.
During feudalism in Japan, the legal status of women was very low. They had no legal rights and their evidence was not admitted in a court of justice. The husband had unlimited power of divorce, but under no circumstances could a wife demand to be separated from her husband, but she had to abide his will. A great reason for a wife suffering much and not leaving her husband was that the children belonged to him and in case of a separation their disposal rested absolutely with him.
"Seven causes for justifiable divorce are laid down in the classics of Confucius, which are the basis of legal morals in Japan as in China, or as those of Justinian are with us. The wife may be divorced:
1. If she be disobedient to her parents-in-law. (After marriage, in her husband's home, his parents become hers in a far more significant sense than among us.)
2. If she be barren. (If the husband loves his childless wife, he keeps and supports her.)
3. If she be lewd or licentious. (She must not be given to loose talk or wine. It is not proper for her even to write a letter to any other man.)
4. If she be jealous (of other women's clothes, or children, or especially of her husband).
5. If she have a loathsome or contagious disease. (If dearly beloved, she may be kept in a separate room and cared for.)
6. If she steal.
7. If she talk too much.
"It is needless to say that the seventh and last reason is the one frequently availed of, or pretended. The Japanese think it is a good rule that works but one way. The husband is not divorced from the wife for these equal reasons. Of course, woman in Japan, by her tact, tongue, graces, and charms, is able to rule her husband generally by means invisible to the outer world, but none the less potent. Though man holds the sword, the pen, and divorce, and glories in his power, yet woman, by her finer strength, in hut as in palace hall, rules her lord."[115]