§ 5
He had not long to wait. In a few minutes the hall had filled up nicely. There was Mr. Mortimer in his shirt-sleeves, Mr. Bennett in blue pyjamas and a dressing-gown, Mrs. Hignett in a travelling costume, Jane Hubbard with her elephant-gun, and Billie in a dinner dress. Smith welcomed them all impartially.
Somebody lit a lamp, and Mrs. Hignett stared speechlessly at the mob.
“Mr. Bennett! Mr. Mortimer!”
“Mrs. Hignett! What are you doing here?”
Mrs. Hignett drew herself up stiffly.
“What an odd question, Mr. Mortimer! I am in my own house!”
“But you rented it to me for the summer. At least, your son did.”
“Eustace let you Windles for the summer!” said Mrs. Hignett incredulously.
Jane Hubbard returned from the drawing-room, where she had been switching off the orchestrion.
“Let us talk all that over cosily to-morrow,” she said. “The point now is that there are burglars in the house.”
“Burglars!” cried Mr. Bennett aghast. “I thought it was you playing that infernal instrument, Mortimer.”
“What on earth should I play it for at this time of night?” said Mr. Mortimer irritably.
“It woke me up,” said Mr. Bennett complainingly. “And I had had great difficulty in dropping off to sleep. I was in considerable pain. I believe I’ve caught the mumps from young Hignett.”
“Nonsense! You’re always imagining yourself ill,” snapped Mr. Mortimer.
“My face hurts,” persisted Mr. Bennett.
“You can’t expect a face like that not to hurt,” said Mr. Mortimer.
It appeared only too evident that the two old friends were again on the verge of one of their distressing fallings-out; but Jane Hubbard intervened once more. This practical-minded girl disliked the introducing of side-issues into the conversation. She was there to talk about burglars, and she intended to do so.
“For goodness sake stop it!” she said, almost petulantly for one usually so superior to emotion. “There’ll be lots of time for quarrelling to-morrow. Just now we’ve got to catch these....”
“I’m not quarrelling,” said Mr. Bennett.
“Yes, you are,” said Mr. Mortimer.
“I’m not!”
“You are!”
“Don’t argue!”
“I’m not arguing!”
“You are!”
“I’m not!”
Jane Hubbard had practically every noble quality which a woman can possess with the exception of patience. A patient woman would have stood by, shrinking from interrupting the dialogue. Jane Hubbard’s robuster course was to raise the elephant-gun, point it at the front door, and pull the trigger.
“I thought that would stop you,” she said complacently, as the echoes died away and Mr. Bennett had finished leaping into the air. She inserted a fresh cartridge, and sloped arms. “Now, the question is....”
“You made me bite my tongue!” said Mr. Bennett, deeply aggrieved.
“Serve you right!” said Jane placidly. “Now, the question is, have the fellows got away or are they hiding somewhere in the house? I think they’re still in the house.”
“The police!” exclaimed Mr. Bennett, forgetting his lacerated tongue and his other grievances. “We must summon the police!”
“Obviously!” said Mrs. Hignett, withdrawing her fascinated gaze from the ragged hole in the front door, the cost of repairing which she had been mentally assessing. “We must send for the police at once.”
“We don’t really need them, you know,” said Jane. “If you’ll all go to bed and just leave me to potter round with my gun....”
“And blow the whole house to pieces!” said Mrs. Hignett tartly. She had begun to revise her original estimate of this girl. To her, Windles was sacred, and anyone who went about shooting holes in it forfeited her esteem.
“Shall I go for the police?” said Billie. “I could bring them back in ten minutes in the car.”
“Certainly not!” said Mr. Bennett. “My daughter gadding about all over the countryside in an automobile at this time of night!”
“If you think I ought not to go alone, I could take Bream.”
“Where is Bream?” said Mr. Mortimer.
The odd fact that Bream was not among those present suddenly presented itself to the company.
“Where can he be?” said Billie.
Jane Hubbard laughed the wholesome, indulgent laugh of one who is broad-minded enough to see the humour of the situation even when the joke is at her expense.
“What a silly girl I am!” she said. “I do believe that was Bream I shot at upstairs. How foolish of me making a mistake like that!”
“You shot my only son!” cried Mr. Mortimer.
“I shot at him,” said Jane. “My belief is that I missed him. Though how I came to do it beats me. I don’t suppose I’ve missed a sitter like that since I was a child in the nursery. Of course,” she proceeded, looking on the reasonable side, “the visibility wasn’t good, but it’s no use saying I oughtn’t at least to have winged him, because I ought.” She shook her head with a touch of self-reproach. “I shall get chaffed about this if it comes out,” she said regretfully.
“The poor boy must be in his room,” said Mr. Mortimer.
“Under the bed, if you ask me,” said Jane, blowing on the barrel of her gun and polishing it with the side of her hand. “He’s all right! Leave him alone, and the housemaid will sweep him up in the morning.”
“Oh, he can’t be!” cried Billie, revolted.
A girl of high spirit, it seemed to her repellent that the man she was engaged to marry should be displaying such a craven spirit. At that moment she despised and hated Bream Mortimer. I think she was wrong, mind you. It is not my place to criticise the little group of people whose simple annals I am relating—my position is merely that of a reporter—; but personally I think highly of Bream’s sturdy common-sense. If somebody loosed off an elephant-gun at me in a dark corridor, I would climb on to the roof and pull it up after me. Still, rightly or wrongly, that was how Billie felt; and it flashed across her mind that Samuel Marlowe, scoundrel though he was, would not have behaved like this. And for a moment a certain wistfulness added itself to the varied emotions then engaging her mind.
“I’ll go and look, if you like,” said Jane agreeably. “You amuse yourselves somehow till I come back.”
She ran easily up the stairs, three at a time. Mr. Mortimer turned to Mr. Bennett.
“It’s all very well your saying Wilhelmina mustn’t go, but, if she doesn’t, how can we get the police? The house isn’t on the ’phone, and nobody else can drive the car.”
“That’s true,” said Mr. Bennett, wavering.
“Of course, we could drop them a post-card first thing to-morrow morning,” said Mr. Mortimer in his nasty sarcastic way.
“I’m going,” said Billie resolutely. It occurred to her, as it has occurred to so many women before her, how helpless men are in a crisis. The temporary withdrawal of Jane Hubbard had had the effect which the removal of the rudder has on a boat. “It’s the only thing to do. I shall be back in no time.”
She stepped firmly to the coat-rack, and began to put on her motoring-cloak. And just then Jane Hubbard came downstairs, shepherding before her a pale and glassy-eyed Bream.
“Right under the bed,” she announced cheerfully, “making a noise like a piece of fluff in order to deceive burglars.”
Billie cast a scornful look at her fiancé. Absolutely unjustified, in my opinion, but nevertheless she cast it. But it had no effect at all. Terror had stunned Bream Mortimer’s perceptions. His was what the doctors call a penumbral mental condition.
“Bream,” said Billie, “I want you to come in the car with me to fetch the police.”
“All right,” said Bream.
“Get your coat.”
“All right,” said Bream.
“And cap.”
“All right,” said Bream.
He followed Billie in a docile manner out through the front door, and they made their way to the garage at the back of the house, both silent. The only difference between their respective silences was that Billie’s was thoughtful, while Bream’s was just the silence of a man who has unhitched his brain and is getting along as well as he can without it.
In the hall they had left, Jane Hubbard once more took command of affairs.
“Well, that’s something done,” she said, scratching Smith’s broad back with the muzzle of her weapon. “Something accomplished, something done, has earned a night’s repose. Not that we’re going to get it yet. I think those fellows are hiding somewhere, and we ought to search the house and rout them out. It’s a pity Smith isn’t a bloodhound. He’s a good cake-hound, but as a watch-dog he doesn’t finish in the first ten.”
The cake-hound, charmed at the compliment, frisked about her feet like a young elephant.
“The first thing to do,” continued Jane, “is to go through the ground-floor rooms....” She paused to strike a match against the suit of armour nearest to her, a proceeding which elicited a sharp cry of protest from Mrs. Hignett, and lit a cigarette. “I’ll go first, as I’ve got a gun....” She blew a cloud of smoke. “I shall want somebody with me to carry a light, and....”
“Tchoo!”
“What?” said Jane.
“I didn’t speak,” said Mr. Mortimer. “Who am I to speak?” he went on bitterly. “Who am I that it should be supposed that I have anything sensible to suggest?”
“Somebody spoke,” said Jane. “I....”
“Achoo!”
“Do you feel a draught, Mr. Bennett?” cried Jane sharply, wheeling round on him.
“There is a draught,” began Mr. Bennett.
“Well, finish sneezing and I’ll go on.”
“I didn’t sneeze!”
“Somebody sneezed.”
“It seemed to come from just behind you,” said Mrs. Hignett nervously.
“It couldn’t have come from just behind me,” said Jane, “because there isn’t anything behind me from which it could have....” She stopped suddenly, in her eyes the light of understanding, on her face the set expression which was wont to come to it on the eve of action. “Oh!” she said in a different voice, a voice which was cold and tense and sinister. “Oh, I see!” She raised her gun, and placed a muscular forefinger on the trigger. “Come out of that!” she said. “Come out of that suit of armour and let’s have a look at you!”
“I can explain everything,” said a muffled voice through the vizor of the helmet. “I can—achoo!” The smoke of the cigarette tickled Sam’s nostrils again, and he suspended his remarks.
“I shall count three,” said Jane Hubbard, “One—two—”
“I’m coming! I’m coming!” said Sam petulantly.
“You’d better!” said Jane.
“I can’t get this dashed helmet off!”
“If you don’t come quick, I’ll blow it off.”
Sam stepped out into the hall, a picturesque figure which combined the costumes of two widely separated centuries. Modern as far as the neck, he slipped back at that point to the Middle Ages.
“Hands up!” commanded Jane Hubbard.
“My hands are up!” retorted Sam querulously, as he wrenched at his unbecoming head-wear.
“Never mind trying to raise your hat,” said Jane. “If you’ve lost the combination, we’ll dispense with the formalities. What we’re anxious to hear is what you’re doing in the house at this time of night, and who your pals are. Come along, my lad, make a clean breast of it and perhaps you’ll get off easier. Are you a gang?”
“Do I look like a gang?”
“If you ask me what you look like....”
“My name is Marlowe ... Samuel Marlowe....”
“Alias what?”
“Alias nothing! I say my name is Samuel Marlowe....”
An explosive roar burst from Mr. Bennett.
“The scoundrel! I know him! I forbade him the house, and....”
“And by what right did you forbid people my house, Mr. Bennett?” said Mrs. Hignett with acerbity.
“I’ve rented the house, Mortimer and I rented it from your son....”
“Yes, yes, yes,” said Jane Hubbard. “Never mind about that. So you know this fellow, do you?”
“I don’t know him!”
“You said you did.”
“I refuse to know him!” went on Mr. Bennett. “I won’t know him! I decline to have anything to do with him!”
“But you identify him?”
“If he says he’s Samuel Marlowe,” assented Mr. Bennett grudgingly, “I suppose he is. I can’t imagine anybody saying he was Samuel Marlowe if he didn’t know it could be proved against him.”
“Are you my nephew Samuel?” said Mrs. Hignett.
“Yes,” said Sam.
“Well, what are you doing in my house?”
“It’s my house,” said Mr. Bennett, “for the summer, Henry Mortimer’s and mine. Isn’t that right, Henry?”
“Dead right,” said Mr. Mortimer.
“There!” said Mr. Bennett. “You hear? And when Henry Mortimer says a thing, it’s so. There’s nobody’s word I’d take before Henry Mortimer’s.”
“When Rufus Bennett makes an assertion,” said Mr. Mortimer, highly flattered by these kind words, “you can bank on it. Rufus Bennett’s word is his bond. Rufus Bennett is a white man!”
The two old friends, reconciled once more, clasped hands with a good deal of feeling.
“I am not disputing Mr. Bennett’s claim to belong to the Caucasian race,” said Mrs. Hignett testily. “I merely maintain that this house is m....”
“Yes, yes, yes, yes!” interrupted Jane. “You can thresh all that out some other time. The point is, if this fellow is your nephew, I don’t see what we can do. We’ll have to let him go.”
“I came to this house,” said Sam, raising his vizor to facilitate speech, “to make a social call....”
“At this hour of the night!” snapped Mrs. Hignett. “You always were an inconsiderate boy, Samuel.”
“I came to inquire after poor Eustace’s mumps. I’ve only just heard that the poor chap was ill.”
“He’s getting along quite well,” said Jane, melting. “If I had known you were so fond of Eustace....”
“All right, is he?” said Sam.
“Well, not quite all right, but he’s going on very nicely.”
“Fine!”
“Eustace and I are engaged, you know!”
“No, really? Splendid! I can’t see you very distinctly—how those Johnnies in the old days ever contrived to put up a scrap with things like this on their heads beats me—but you sound a good sort. I hope you’ll be very happy.”
“Thank you ever so much, Mr. Marlowe. I’m sure we shall.”
“Eustace is one of the best.”
“How nice of you to say so.”
“All this,” interrupted Mrs. Hignett, who had been a chaffing auditor of this interchange of courtesies, “is beside the point. Why did you dance in the hall, Samuel, and play the orchestrion?”
“Yes,” said Mr. Bennett, reminded of his grievance, “waking people up.”
“Scaring us all to death!” complained Mr. Mortimer.
“I remember you as a boy, Samuel,” said Mrs. Hignett, “lamentably lacking in consideration for others and concentrated only on your selfish pleasures. You seem to have altered very little.”
“Don’t ballyrag the poor man,” said Jane Hubbard. “Be human! Lend him a sardine opener!”
“I shall do nothing of the sort,” said Mrs. Hignett. “I never liked him and I dislike him now. He has got himself into this trouble through his own wrong-headedness.”
“It’s not his fault his head’s the wrong size,” said Jane.
“He must get himself out as best he can,” said Mrs. Hignett.
“Very well,” said Sam with bitter dignity. “Then I will not trespass further on your hospitality, Aunt Adeline. I have no doubt the local blacksmith will be able to get this damned thing off me. I shall go to him now. I will let you have the helmet back by parcel-post at the earliest opportunity. Good-night!” He walked coldly to the front door. “And there are people,” he remarked sardonically, “who say that blood is thicker than water! I’ll bet they never had any aunts!”
He tripped over the mat and withdrew.