CHAPTER XIV. A SILLY PAIR.
I have often been taunted, by people who know nothing (multiplied into a million fibs) about me, that my mind is as volatile as my body, and goes about, in an unsettled manner, for want of the leaden belt, which motherly care so long kept round my stomach. It is equally needless, and useless, to present reason to such irrationals; and I try to be proud, in my loftier moments, of affording them amusement, which amuses me.
But, to reasonable persons, who can hearken to a thing, and take it into common sense, and weigh it—whenever it concerns their own affairs enough—to these (if any) I would simply say, "follow my own history of my own acts, and judge, by my own account, of what nobody else can know so well." And any one, proceeding upon this fair principle, will find more to approve than to condemn in me, however much I may tell against myself.
Hoping that fair-play will prevail—as it generally does in the end—I confess, that at this very tender age of fifteen, I proved for the rest of my holidays, untrue to the image of Polly Windsor. Polly was not there; and even if she had been, how would she have looked, I should like to know, by the side of Laura Twentifold? She was double her size, that is certain at the least; but in quality, oh what a difference! And yet again, manners, and the fear of what I might say greatly against my own interest, enable me to speak in a chastened style; and to do that, I had better leave Polly still absent.
On the very day after Professor Megalow returned to his duties in London, my dear lady comforted her mind, by returning to the place still full of him. You must understand, that the Professor had never been actually staying at the Towers; because, without any other fullgrown gentleman dwelling in the house, it might have looked amiss. So he had his own camping place at Crowton-on-the-Naze, which is ten miles further up the coast than the rising watering-place, called Happystowe. Yet there had not been many days, when he failed to put himself into spruce attire—so far as his nature permitted—and to dine, and make a pleasant evening, with my lady, and her gallant son, Sir Roland. And when he was gone, it could not be helped, that the evenings should grow long, and dull.
It must have been August, and about the middle of it (according to our holidays, which were sadly near their end), when my dear Lady walked down the sands, to talk to an ancient fisherman, about keeping the relics of the whale upright. Roly was gone, with the Keeper, inland, to see about exercising some young dogs, in preparation for the shooting-time; and the lovely little lady, and myself, were left, to look for pretty shells, and to amuse each other. And I never grew tired of obeying her commands; so sweet was her voice, and so gentle were her eyes.
"Now I want to show all these," she said, "to my darling Dorothea, that she may choose exactly what she likes; and it is high time to put her necklace on, that you have made so beautifully, Ariel."
She always called me "Ariel;" because she had heard her mother do it, once or twice, and she said it was so much prettier than "Tommy." And although she was more than ten years old, she had not outgrown the wholesome joy of a little woman in her baby-doll. Dorothea, moreover, was quite young at present, and sweetly instructive in the newest fashions, having only come two days ago from Paris, with the kind introduction of Professor Megalow.
"You may sit down quite close to dear Dorothea; because you are not clumsy and rough, like Roly; who cannot at all enter into the feelings of a lovely and delicate creature, like this. And, Ariel, I am quite sure that Dolly will like you, as soon as she opens her eyes, which are shut now—you must understand—from the sea-air being too much for her. But you must let me put her necklace on, although you have made it so beautifully; not that I would not trust you to do it, but because you cannot understand her hair. It would hardly be proper, if you did, you know."
She was always like this, such a sweet little love; so afraid of hurting anybody's feelings, and so ready to think everybody good. When I sat down near her, on a bank of bed-rushes, with the doll sitting carefully between us, I could not help feeling ungrateful in my heart, for the prospect of Miss Polly Windsor to-morrow. And I could not quite fancy that Maiden Lane—though alive with delights of its proper class—could supply such contentment to sight, and thought (not that I put it so grandly then) as the place I sate in, and the things I saw. For the tide was coming in, with pleasant feeling of the air, and ready briskness of the things, that had been waiting for it. At every short step that it made in advance—for the waves toddled in, like babies—there was some pretty thing, starting up in front, to run, and to glisten before it. But the prettiest thing of all sate there by me.
"You are always at work," she said, "always doing something. Why do people want us to be educated so? Those funny letters are all Greek, I know; because Roly has got some that he learns at Harrow. But he doesn't seem to like it, more than I like French; and he puts it in a cupboard, for the holidays. Ariel, why should you work more than Roly does? He never does a thing, unless he likes it."
I had thought this out, and my reply was ready. "Roly will be a rich man, and I shall not. He belongs to great people, and I belong to small ones. He will get on all the same, whether he works, or not."
"Then I call that as unfair as anything can be. And I could not have believed it, though I know you tell the truth, unless I had heard of such things before. We all ought to work, to do good, of course; but not in the middle of the holidays."
"I have got to go back to old Rum, on Monday;" I answered, with a wistful gaze at her; "and unless I can say a hundred lines of Homer, beginning at the place where we left off, cracks will be the word, and no mistake. And he's come to be so sharp, from being done so often, that there's not a fellow now with the pluck to run a tib, or a crib, or a leary round the corner. Ton d' apameibomenos is the only cock that fights."
"What a lucky thing it is to be a girl!" She cast her eyes down, after looking at me, to learn my opinion of this sentiment; for that opinion showed itself as opposite as could be, to hers. "I only mean because we don't get cracks, and we don't jump on one another, as they do to you sometimes; oh, Ariel, how can you put up with that? And then they tie a string to your toe at night. What courage it must take, to be a boy!"
"Before Bill Chumps went to Oxford," I replied, while looking at the tiny foot, she put forth on the sand; "he shut up all bullying, in our school. There used to be a lot of it; and after getting taw, or togy, in the playground, and rats in school, a fellow couldn't sleep, for fear of cramp. But Bill set up a different fashion altogether; and the little fellows now begin to cock over us, who are their seniors. I am getting bigger than I used to be, and so well up in the school, that I am very useful, in doing the big fellows' exercises. And they never jump on me, as they used to do, when I couldn't try to fly for them. Grip would have something to say to them, next morning, if they tried it."
"Oh, I do love Grip, because he is so ugly; and I love you, Ariel, because you are so pretty, and so kind, and gentle; and you never do mischief, unless Roly sets you the example. I shall cry, when you go away; I'm sure I shall; and I shall put Dorothea into mourning for you. I don't believe a bit that your papa makes candles; and if he does—how could we go to bed, without them? I should just like to ask people that. And what could they say, I should be glad to know?"
To me this appeared an extremely sensible, and large-minded view of the case, and I did not hesitate to promote it.
"And what would you do without soap, Lady Laura? My father makes soap of the finest quality. A great deal better, as everybody says, than any turned out by Mr. Windsor, though he put his name on every cake—'Windsor's best brown Windsor.' And no better than curds, every square of it."
"Then if I see any of it in my room, I shall throw it straight out of the window, and say 'Please to bring me Ariel's soap.' But you must not call me 'Lady Laura.' My mother is a lady, but I am not; till I marry my cousin, Lord Counterpagne; as they say I shall have to do, when I grow up. But I don't care about him at all, till then. He has got red hair, and his eyes are crooked."
Although it was no concern of mine, this arrangement appeared to me most unfair. But I did not dare to say a word against it.
"Oh, Ariel," my little beauty went on, after taking up her doll, and coaxing it; "can you think of anything so bad, as marrying a person you don't like? Because you can never get away, you know; according to the law of the land, I believe, and according to the Bible. My mother has never said a word about it; but Roly declares that I am bound to do it, and he is always determined to have his own way. Oh, Dorothea, what would you do?"
I knew very little of the world as yet, and in matters above me, I was loth to speak; but I could not help saying—"There is lots of time yet. You may trust me to help you, if you only let me know."
"How stupid I am! I never thought of that;" she turned over towards me, and put up her hands, as if for me to help her; and then suddenly began to stroke my hair, as she had often longed to do, but had hitherto refused my invitation. "I must do it once, before you go, to see how the whole of it is fastened on. Don't be afraid; I won't hurt you, Ariel. I know how Ethel Jones does mine. And if they want to marry me, and I don't like it, all you will have to do, is this—to get into the train, and come down here, and then take off your lead, and fly away with me, and come back when the ceremony is over."
"But how could they do it, without you?" I asked.
"You musn't expect me to be reasonable always;" she answered, and began to play with me, gently, and beautifully, and laughing all the time.
"What a pair of silly little things you are!" Lady Twentifold came upon us suddenly, while Laura was trying to uncurl my hair, and I was offering to kiss her, but afraid to do it; while she was dodging in and out, to tempt me more; "Ariel, you told me this morning, that unless you learned a hundred lines of Greek to-day, you had better not be born, next Monday. And you asked me to write a letter of apology, to your learned Dr. Rumbelow. He is likely to be our new Bishop, I was told this morning; and it will put Roly down, for he made sure that his Master would receive the offer. So I hope that you will never call him 'Old Rum,' any more."
"Old Rum to be the Bishop, my dear lady!" I cried, as if I had quite lost my place. "And who is to be our master, I should like to know? Oh, I won't learn another line; 'twould be trouble thrown away."
My practical conclusion was borne out by facts—sad facts for all sons of the Partheneion. Dr. Rumbelow's luck was a joy to us, at first; because we all liked him, and got off a lot of work. But our joy soon went, and a bad time followed; as we all found out, and pretty quickly too. For the new master's name, was Crankhead, "Ernest Mauleverum Crankhead," M.A., a Cambridge man, and a lofty Wrangler; but without much Greek, as we soon found out.
Now, before I left Twentifold Towers, and returned to the smell of our works,—which had changed very greatly for the worse, while I was away down here,—Sir Roland Towers-Twentifold (being well sixteen, and tall for his age, and of long experience, at one of our largest public schools) took me aside into a saddle-room, wherein he was learning to smoke cigars, and put into a nutshell all the essence of the British Constitution. How I wish, I could remember what he said! But it sank into my mind, too deeply ever to be brought up again; and it blended with, and flourished in, the flower of my life; as liquid manure reappears in bright flowers, "inscripti nomina regum."
"Tommy," he went on, as soon as ever he had put into ten words the lessons of a thousand years, "you will see now, how it is that we don't get on. We never get a man to take the lead, who knows his own mind, and will stick to it, and throw up his situation, rather than carry it on, against his own lights. And then, there come a lot of fellows swarming for first pull, as we rush to the swipes-can after cricket; and the louder any cad is for his rights (which are sure to mean the wrongs of some quieter chap), the surer he is to get served first. Now, can you call this Government?"
"I don't pretend to know much about it," I replied, for we had held some conversation of this kind before; "but my father says, that any business carried on, as the Government of this country is, would have to put its shutters up, within three months, if it started with a hundred thousand pounds. But you mustn't tell any one that he said this; for I believe, by the way he would not answer me, that he has got a fine Government contract, by this time."
"Your father is quite right; he is a man of strong sense;" Sir Roland made answer, as soon as he could, after taking a large puff of smoke the wrong way; "let him get every farthing he can from the Government, and then he will be able to understand them. Why, I might not have got the knowledge that I have, except for a trick that they wanted to play about my cousin Counterpagne, when he comes of age. Counterpagne is soft, and his mother no better; and being of an ancient Tory race, they expected to have things made smooth for them. But I can't stop, to tell you all that now. You are to come back at Christmas, and you shall hear it then. Counterpagne is to marry little Laura, to prevent any mischief to our property, and influence; and between us, we shall send six members up, besides Counterpagne himself in the Peers of course, and me in the Commons, for the Towers' own hole. But, Tommy, look at me, and tell me this. If under a Government, that calls itself Conservative, as the present fellows do, such things can be done, as I was going to tell you; what is to be expected of the Radicals? I'll tell you what; if the Constitution lasts till I am of age, which seems a most unlikely thing—I shall want you, and every man of sense I know, to collect, and put your shoulders to the wheel. Remember that."
I did not at all understand what he meant, although he had spoken several times to this effect. But I promised to do all I could; and was pleased with the thoughts of becoming so important.
"Tommy, you will rise," my friend continued, without asking what I was thinking of; "such a fellow as you are, must go up, unless he makes a downright fool of himself. You can beat me all to fits, in Greek and Latin, though you have only been at a dirty little private school. You have got a most wonderful face of your own; so easy-going, and sweet-tempered, that it makes every fellow think you slow, and drop all jealousy about you. And more than all,—and that alone should be enough to make your fortune—you can draw the attention of the whole world upon you, whenever you please, by going over their heads. I have been very good, in letting you off, without sending you up, a lot of times. But you know that I have done it upon one condition—you must cultivate the art, without any one's knowledge, and be ready to go up, at some great moment, when I give the signal. Pretend, for the present, that you can't do it; but practise, as I told you, more and more. I have shown you the muscles you must try to strengthen, and the places where you must lay on fat. It is nothing in the world, but a kind of swimming; and there everything depends upon your being quite at home. Now, remember what I say; and when you come down at Christmas, I shall put you through your paces, and expect to find you perfect."
"Oh, Roly," I replied, "you talk as lightly as all the men of science did about me. I will do my very utmost to please you, I am sure. But I never expect to be of any service to you. You are learning to smoke, and your smoke goes up; and that makes you think that I can do the same."
"Exactly so, Tommy. A great deal of it went down, until I understood it. And now look at that!"