5. Marriage customs
Properly the proposal for a Rājpūt marriage should emanate from the bride’s side, and the customary method of making it was to send a cocoanut to the bridegroom. ‘The cocoanut came,’ was the phrase used to intimate that a proposal of marriage had been made.[11] It is possible that the bride’s initiative was a relic of the Swayamwāra or maiden’s choice, when a king’s daughter placed a garland on the neck of the youth she preferred among the competitors in a tournament, and among some Rājpūts the Jāyamāla or garland of victory is still hung round the bridegroom’s neck in memory of this custom; but it may also have been due to the fact that the bride had to pay the dowry. One tenth of this was paid as earnest when the match had been arranged, and the boy’s party could not then recede from it. At the entrance of the marriage-shed was hung the toran, a triangle of three wooden bars, having the apex crowned with the effigy of a peacock. The bridegroom on horseback, lance in hand, proceeded to break the toran, which was defended by the damsels of the bride. They assailed him with missiles of various kinds, and especially with red powder made from the flowers of the palās[12] tree, at the same time singing songs full of immoral allusions. At length the toran was broken amid the shouts of the retainers, and the fair defenders retired. If the bridegroom could not attend in person his sword was sent to represent him, and was carried round the marriage-post, with the bride, this being considered a proper and valid marriage. At the rite of hātleva or joining the hands of the couple it was customary that any request made by the bridegroom to the bride’s father should meet with compliance, and this usage has led to many fatal results in history. Another now obsolete custom was that the bride’s father should present an elephant to his son-in-law as part of the dowry, but when a man could not afford a real elephant a small golden image of the animal might be substituted. In noble families the bride was often accompanied to her husband’s house by a number of maidens belonging to the servant and menial castes. These were called Devadhari or lamp-bearers, and became inmates of the harem, their offspring being golas or slaves. In time of famine many of the poor had also perforce to sell themselves as slaves in order to obtain subsistence, and a chiefs household would thus contain a large number of them. They were still adorned in Mewār, Colonel Tod states, like the Saxon slaves of old, with a silver ring round the left ankle instead of the neck. They were well treated, and were often among the best of the military retainers; they took rank among themselves according to the quality of the mothers, and often held confidential places about the ruler’s person. A former chief of Deogarh would appear at court with three hundred golas or slaves on horseback in his train, men whose lives were his own.[13] These special customs have now generally been abandoned by the Rājpūts of the Central Provinces, and their weddings conform to the usual Hindu type as described in the article on Kurmi. The remarriage of widows is now recognised in the southern Districts, though not in the north; but even here widows frequently do marry and their offspring are received into the caste, though with a lower status than those who do not permit this custom. Among the Baghels a full Rājpūt will allow a relative born of a remarried widow to cook his food for him, but not to add the salt nor to eat it with him. Those who permit the second marriage of widows also allow a divorced woman to remain in the caste and to marry again. But among proper Rājpūts, as with Brāhmans, a wife who goes wrong is simply put away and expelled from the society. Polygamy is permitted and was formerly common among the chiefs. Each wife was maintained in a separate suite of rooms, and the chief dined and spent the evening alternately with each of them in her own quarters. The lady with her attendants would prepare dinner for him and wait upon him while he ate it, waving the punkah or fan behind him and entertaining him with her remarks, which, according to report, frequently constituted a pretty severe curtain lecture.