7. Marriage customs
Girls are usually, but not necessarily, wedded before adolescence. Occasionally a Panwār boy who cannot afford a regular marriage will enter his prospective father-in-law’s house and serve him for a year or more, when he will obtain a daughter in marriage. And sometimes a girl will contract a liking for some man or boy of the caste and will go to his house, leaving her home. In such cases the parents accept the accomplished fact, and the couple are married. If the boy’s parents refuse their consent they are temporarily put out of caste, and subsequently the neighbours will not pay them the customary visits on the occasions of family joys and griefs. Even if a girl has lived with a man of another caste, as long as she has not borne a child, she may be re-admitted to the community on payment of such penalty as the elders may determine. If her own parents will not take her back, a man of the same gotra or section is appointed as her guardian and she can be married from his house.
The ceremonies of a Panwār marriage are elaborate. Marriage-sheds are erected at the houses both of the bride and bridegroom in accordance with the usual practice, and just before the marriage, parties are given at both houses; the village watchman brings the toran or string of mango-leaves, which is hung round the marriage-shed in the manner of a triumphal arch, and in the evening the party assembles, the men sitting at one side of the shed and the women at the other. Presents of clothes are made to the child who is to be married, and the following song is sung:
The mother of the bride grew angry and went away to the mango grove.
Come soon, come quickly, Mother, it is the time for giving clothes.
The father of the bridegroom has sent the bride a fold of cloth from his house,
The fold of it is like the curve of the winnowing-fan, and there is a bodice decked with coral and pearls.
Before the actual wedding the father of the bridegroom goes to the bride’s house and gives her clothes and other presents, and the following is a specimen given by Mr. Muhammad Yūsuf of the songs sung on this occasion:
Five years old to-day is Bāja Bai the bride;
Send word to the mother of the bridegroom;
Her dress is too short, send for the Koshta, Husband;
The Koshta came and wove a border to the dress.
Afterwards the girl’s father goes and makes similar presents to the bridegroom. After many preliminary ceremonies the marriage procession proper sets forth, consisting of men only. Before the boy starts his mother places her breast in his mouth; the maid-servants stand before him with vessels of water, and he puts a pice in each. During the journey songs are sung, of which the following is a specimen:
The linseed and gram are in flower in Chait.[22]
O! the boy bridegroom is going to another country;
O Mother! how may he go to another country?
Make payment before he enters another country;
O Mother! how may he cross the border of another country?
Make payment before he crosses the border of another country;
O Mother! how may he touch another’s bower?
Make payment before he touches another’s bower;
O Mother! how shall he bathe with strange water?
Make payment before he bathes with strange water;
O Mother! how may he eat another’s banwat?[23]
Make payment before he eats another’s banwat;
O Mother! how shall he marry another woman?
He shall wed her holding the little finger of her left hand.
The bridegroom’s party are always driven to the wedding in bullock-carts, and when they approach the bride’s village her people also come to meet them in carts. All the party then turn and race to the village, and the winner obtains much distinction. The cartmen afterwards go to the bridegroom’s father and he has to make them a present of from one to forty rupees. On arriving at the village the bridegroom is carried to Devi’s shrine in a man’s arms, while four other men hold a canopy over him, and from there to the marriage-shed. He touches a bamboo of this, and a man seated on the top pours turmeric and water over his head. Five men of the groom’s party go to the bride’s house carrying salt, and here their feet are washed and the tīka or mark of anointing is made on their foreheads. Afterwards they carry rice in the same manner and with this is the wedding-rice, coloured yellow with turmeric and known as the Lagun-gāth. Before sunset the bridegroom goes to the bride’s house for the wedding. Two baskets are hung before Dulha Deo’s shrine inside the house, and the couple are seated in these with a cloth between them. The ends of their clothes are knotted, each places the right foot on the left foot of the other and holds the other’s ear with the hand. Meanwhile a Brāhman has climbed on to the roof of the house, and after saying the names of the bride and bridegroom shouts loudly, ‘Rām nawara, Sīta nawari, Saodhān,’ or ‘Rām, the Bridegroom, and Sīta, the Bride, pay heed,’ The people inside the house repeat these words and someone beats on a brass plate; the wedding-rice is poured over the heads of the couple, and a quid of betel is placed first in the mouth of one and then of the other. The bridegroom’s party dance in the marriage-shed and their feet are washed. Two plough-yokes are brought in and a cloth spread over them, and the couple are seated on them face to face. A string of twisted grass is drawn round their necks and a thread is tied round their marriage-crowns. The bride’s dowry is given and her relatives make presents to her. This property is known as khamora, and is retained by a wife for her own use, her husband having no control over it. It is customary also in the caste for the parents to supply clothes to a married daughter as long as they live, and during this period a wife will not accept any clothes from her husband. On the following day the maid-servants bring a present of gulāl or red powder to the fathers of the bride and bridegroom, who sprinkle it over each other. The bridegroom’s father makes them a present of from one to twenty rupees according to his means, and also gives suitable fees to the barber, the washerman, the Barai or betel-leaf seller and the Bhāt or bard. The maid-servants then bring vessels of water and throw it over each other in sport. After the evening meal, the party go back, the bride and bridegroom riding in the same cart. As they start the women sing:
Let us go to the basket-maker
And buy a costly pair of fans;
Fans worth a lot of money;
Let us praise the mother of the bride.