CHAPTER VII
THE STRUGGLE AT THE BORDERLAND
The thing stood waiting as Will drew us toward it. Fear swept over me. Yet the very sense of fear brought with it a reassurance, for it was the physical I feared; the vanished sense of my body was not entirely gone, for now I was fearing its welfare.
My voice protested, "Will. Wait. That thing there—"
"It is friendly, Rob."
The fear died. I remembered what now seemed obvious; Will had been leading us somewhere with a set purpose. To meet this friendly thing, of course; this thing which doubtless he had met before. I stared at it as we approached. A dim, opaque grey shape like ourselves but it seemed formless, sexless; neither human nor unhuman—a shape merely—a something poised there of which my mind seemed able to form no conception. Then I heard Will say to Bee:
"A girl, Bee—you understand—Rob, listen. We must cling to the realities of our world. There are no other words—no other conceptions—with which we can think these unthought things. This is a girl——"
I thought it was a girl; and at once I fancied that I could distinguish her. Standing there with a phantom barn and haystack of our own world above and behind her. A girl like Bee. I could see the grey-formed outlines of her; vaguely flowing draperies; long hair; a face of human beauty with a queer wistful look—she was smiling at Will—a friendly smile—.
All this I thought I saw; and in the thinking, brought it to reality. Into my mind then flashed a clearer understanding. This Borderland—and the other inner realm lying beyond it which soon we were to enter—could no more be compared to the world we had left than an apple can be added to an orange. The very essence of every thought we now were thinking was different—incomparable. Yet within our minds was some lingering, unchangeable quality—call it Ego; so that these new things must be clothed in the fashion of the old.
My words grow futile? I can only say then that this first encountered being seemed like a girl, wistful of face; grey, colorless of aspect; yet solid—as solid as ourselves which every moment was seeming a more normal solidity.
Will touched her. "Rob—Bee—this is Ala—she has been waiting for us."
Her voice said, "I am Ala who will do what I can to help you."
The tone seemed soft, liquid, musical and wholly feminine. Soundless words but clearly intoned as though I had heard them with a physical ear.
Bee said, "Why, she speaks English."
It struck a note of whimsicality; the thought momentarily relieved the tension under which I was laboring. And so I think it was with the others; they were smiling; but Will's smile faded as he turned to us.
"You must keep on thinking things like that. Cling always to normality." His voice was earnest. "You also, Ala—English you see, is our language."
"But you are speaking my language," she said gravely.
"Of course," he agreed hurriedly. "Do not doubt it. All of you—I think I understand best of us all. We must strive for our accustomed normality. Remember—the mind now is nearly everything."
"I am—not really confused," I said.
It relieved him; he spoke more quietly. "This girl, Ala, came from her own realm—wandered out here to see and feel for herself what madness was possessing her people."
"It is strange," Ala said abruptly. "I am frightened—" Sudden terror marked her features. I was standing nearest to her and her hand gripped me. Again I felt that solidity. Normality. I was real; I laughed contemptuously at all these shadows. The girl added anxiously:
"Cannot we go back? Now—where all is real—not like this. I—cannot stay here much longer."
"We will go," said Will. "Bee—and you Rob—listen carefully. From now on it is a question of the power of our minds—our will-power. If you wander—weaken for a moment—we are lost. Keep thinking, I am here with my friends. We are going together—going into the other realm." He swung to the girl. "You, Ala, for you it is easier. But yield yourself slowly. If you withdraw resistance you will rush beyond us. You understand? Above everything else we must keep together."
She nodded.
We clung to each other. Ala began moving forward, drawing us onward up that empty Borderland slope which now was steeply inclined. We passed through the haystack—a mere shadow; passed upward through a corner of the barn roof.
Beneath us now spread the phantom world we had left. But as my thoughts dwelt on what we were going to do, the shadows of our earthly realm seemed fading; growing dimmer, blurring as though about to vanish. I watched them fearfully; when they were gone I would be in darkness—pregnant darkness thronged with things unseeable. I thought vehemently.
"We must keep together—we are going on into that other realm, Will says we are—Will says we must keep together."
But my thought strayed. I remembered Will's house; the room we had left—the little clock—Why, I fancied I almost saw it. Was I there, back in that room?—Where was Bee?—Bee?—
I must have called her name in my thoughts, and at once she answered.
"Here Rob. Right here." And I felt the pressure of her hand.
A struggle of the mind. I knew then that every quality of mind inherent to me was winging backward: tugging, pulling, but I fought against it. And I became aware too of a different struggle within me. I had sensed it for some time past but now it sprang into keen intensity. A struggle of the physical. A vague racking pain possessed me. Dull, detached seemingly from my consciousness, yet I knew it was the pain of my body. It grew sharper. Not intolerable; but frightening with a sense of horror. It permeated my every fiber; tingling with infinitely tiny needles; and tugging, physically as my mind was tugging, to resume its original state. Like a chip in an undertow, I was being drawn backward....
"Now." I felt Will's tense voice. And Ala's soft words.
"We—are—passed. Hold me—now."
Someone was clutching my arm. I seemed floating, storm-tossed—a feather blown in a wind I could not feel. But abruptly the struggle ceased; vaguely I was conscious that my feet were standing upon something solid—Will and Bee were here—Ala was here—I was a reality once more, and there were rational thoughts to think and real things to see.