Scene II.—The North Parade. [Enter LUCY.]
LUCY So—I shall have another rival to add to my mistress's list—Captain Absolute. However, I shall not enter his name till my purse has received notice in form. Poor Acres is dismissed!—Well, I have done him a last friendly office, in letting him know that Beverley was here before him.—Sir Lucius is generally more punctual, when he expects to hear from his dear Delia, as he calls her: I wonder he's not here!—I have a little scruple of conscience from this deceit; though I should not be paid so well, if my hero knew that Delia was near fifty, and her own mistress.
[Enter Sir LUCIUS O'TRIGGER.]
Sir LUCIUS Ha! my little ambassadress—upon my conscience, I have been looking for you; I have been on the South Parade this half hour.
LUCY [Speaking simply.] O gemini! and I have been waiting for your worship here on the North.
Sir LUCIUS Faith!—may be that was the reason we did not meet; and it is very comical too, how you could go out and I not see you—for I was only taking a nap at the Parade Coffee-house, and I chose the window on purpose that I might not miss you.
LUCY
My stars! Now I'd wager a sixpence I went by while you were asleep.
Sir LUCIUS Sure enough it must have been so—and I never dreamt it was so late, till I waked. Well, but my little girl, have you got nothing for me?
LUCY
Yes, but I have—I've got a letter for you in my pocket.
Sir LUCIUS O faith! I guessed you weren't come empty-handed—Well—let me see what the dear creature says.
LUCY
There, Sir Lucius. [Gives him a letter.]
Sir LUCIUS [Reads.] Sir—there is often a sudden incentive impulse in love, that has a greater induction than years of domestic combination: such was the commotion I felt at the first superfluous view of Sir Lucius O'Trigger.—Very pretty, upon my word.—Female punctuation forbids me to say more, yet let me add, that it will give me joy infallible to find Sir Lucius worthy the last criterion of my affections. Delia. Upon my conscience! Lucy, your lady is a great mistress of language. Faith, she's quite the queen of the dictionary!—for the devil a word dare refuse coming at her call—though one would think it was quite out of hearing.
LUCY
Ay, sir, a lady of her experience——
Sir LUCIUS
Experience! what, at seventeen?
LUCY O true, sir—but then she reads so—my stars! how she will read off hand!
Sir LUCIUS Faith, she must be very deep read to write this way—though she is rather an arbitrary writer too—for here are a great many poor words pressed into the service of this note, that would get their habeas corpus from any court in Christendom.
LUCY
Ah! Sir Lucius, if you were to hear how she talks of you!
Sir LUCIUS
Oh, tell her I'll make her the best husband in the world, and Lady
O'Trigger into the bargain!—But we must get the old gentlewoman's
consent—and do every thing fairly.
LUCY
Nay, Sir Lucius, I thought you wa'n't rich enough to be so nice!
Sir LUCIUS Upon my word, young woman, you have hit it:—I am so poor, that I can't afford to do a dirty action.—If I did not want money, I'd steal your mistress and her fortune with a great deal of pleasure.—However, my pretty girl, [Gives her money] here's a little something to buy you a ribbon; and meet me in the evening, and I'll give you an answer to this. So, hussy, take a kiss beforehand to put you in mind. [Kisses her.]
LUCY O Lud! Sir Lucius—I never seed such a gemman! My lady won't like you if you're so impudent.
Sir LUCIUS Faith she will, Lucy!—That same—pho! what's the name of it?—modesty—is a quality in a lover more praised by the women than liked; so, if your mistress asks you whether Sir Lucius ever gave you a kiss, tell her fifty—my dear.
LUCY
What, would you have me tell her a lie?
Sir LUCIUS
Ah, then, you baggage! I'll make it a truth presently.
LUCY
For shame now! here is some one coming.
Sir LUCIUS
Oh, faith, I'll quiet your conscience! [Exit, humming a tune.]
[Enter FAG.]
FAG
So, so, ma'am! I humbly beg pardon.
LUCY
O Lud! now, Mr. Fag—you flurry one so.
FAG Come, come, Lucy, here's no one by—so a little less simplicity, with a grain or two more sincerity, if you please.—You play false with us, madam.—I saw you give the baronet a letter.—My master shall know this—and if he don't call him out, I will.
LUCY Ha! ha! ha! you gentlemen's gentlemen are so hasty.—That letter was from Mrs. Malaprop, simpleton.—She is taken with Sir Lucius's address.
FAG How! what tastes some people have!—Why, I suppose I have walked by her window a hundred times.—But what says our young lady? any message to my master?
LUCY Sad news. Mr. Fag.—A worse rival than Acres! Sir Anthony Absolute has proposed his son.
FAG
What, Captain Absolute?
LUCY
Even so—I overheard it all.
FAG Ha! ha! ha! very good, faith. Good-bye, Lucy, I must away with this news.
LUCY
Well, you may laugh—but it is true, I assure you.—[Going.] But, Mr.
Fag, tell your master not to be cast down by this.
FAG
Oh, he'll be so disconsolate!
LUCY
And charge him not to think of quarrelling with young Absolute.
FAG
Never fear! never fear!
LUCY
Be sure—bid him keep up his spirits.
FAG
We will—we will.
[Exeunt severally.]
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