Scene II—The South Parade. [Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE, putting his sword under his great coat.]
ABSOLUTE A sword seen in the streets of Bath would raise as great an alarm as a mad dog.—How provoking this is in Faulkland!—never punctual! I shall be obliged to go without him at last.—Oh, the devil! here's Sir Anthony! how shall I escape him? [Muffles up his face, and takes a circle to go off.]
[Enter Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.]
Sir ANTHONY How one may be deceived at a little distance! Only that I see he don't know me, I could have sworn that was Jack!—Hey! Gad's life! it is.—Why, Jack, what are you afraid of? hey!—sure I'm right. Why Jack, Jack Absolute! [Goes up to him.]
ABSOLUTE Really, sir, you have the advantage of me:—I don't remember ever to have had the honour—my name is Saunderson, at your service.
Sir ANTHONY
Sir, I beg your pardon—I took you—hey?—why, zounds! it
is—Stay—[Looks up to his face.] So, so—your humble servant, Mr.
Saunderson! Why, you scoundrel, what tricks are you after now?
ABSOLUTE
Oh, a joke, sir, a joke! I came here on purpose to look for you, sir.
Sir ANTHONY You did! well, I am glad you were so lucky:—but what are you muffled up so for?—what's this for?—hey!
ABSOLUTE 'Tis cool, sir, isn't it?—rather chilly somehow:—but I shall be late—I have a particular engagement.
Sir ANTHONY Stay!—Why, I thought you were looking for me?—Pray, Jack, where is't you are going?
ABSOLUTE
Going, sir?
Sir ANTHONY
Ay, where are you going?
ABSOLUTE
Where am I going?
Sir ANTHONY
You unmannerly puppy!
ABSOLUTE I was going, sir, to—to—to—to Lydia—sir, to Lydia—to make matters up if I could;—and I was looking for you, sir, to—to——
Sir ANTHONY
To go with you, I suppose.—Well, come along.
ABSOLUTE Oh! zounds! no, sir, not for the world!—I wished to meet with you, sir,—to—to—to—You find it cool, I'm sure, sir—you'd better not stay out.
Sir ANTHONY
Cool!—not at all.—Well, Jack—and what will you say to Lydia?
ABSOLUTE Oh, sir, beg her pardon, humour her—promise and vow: but I detain you, sir—consider the cold air on your gout.
Sir ANTHONY
Oh, not at all!—Not at all! I'm in no hurry.—Ah! Jack, you
youngsters, when once you are wounded here [Putting his hand to
CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE's breast.] Hey! what the deuce have you got here?
ABSOLUTE
Nothing, sir—nothing.
Sir ANTHONY
What's this?—here's something damned hard.
ABSOLUTE
Oh, trinkets, sir! trinkets!—a bauble for Lydia!
Sir ANTHONY
Nay, let me see your taste.—[Pulls his coat open, the sword falls.]
Trinkets!—a bauble for Lydia!—Zounds! sirrah, you are not going to
cut her throat, are you?
ABSOLUTE Ha! ha! ha!—I thought it would divert you, sir, though I didn't mean to tell you till afterwards.
Sir ANTHONY
You didn't?—Yes, this is a very diverting trinket, truly!
ABSOLUTE Sir, I'll explain to you.—You know, sir, Lydia is romantic, devilish romantic, and very absurd of course: now, sir, I intend, if she refuses to forgive me, to unsheath this sword, and swear—I'll fall upon its point, and expire at her feet!
Sir ANTHONY Fall upon a fiddlestick's end!—why, I suppose it is the very thing that would please her.—Get along, you fool!
ABSOLUTE
Well, sir, you shall hear of my success—you shall hear.—O
Lydia!—forgive me, or this pointed steel—says I.
Sir ANTHONY O, booby! stay away and welcome—says she.—Get along! and damn your trinkets!
[Exit CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.]
[Enter DAVID, running.]
DAVID
Stop him! stop him! Murder! Thief! Fire!—Stop fire! Stop fire!—O Sir
Anthony—call! call! bid 'm stop! Murder! Fire!
Sir ANTHONY
Fire! Murder!—Where?
DAVID
Oons! he's out of sight! and I'm out of breath! for my part! O Sir
Anthony, why didn't you stop him? why didn't you stop him?
Sir ANTHONY
Zounds! the fellow's mad!—Stop whom? stop Jack?
DAVID
Ay, the captain, sir!—there's murder and slaughter——
Sir ANTHONY
Murder!
DAVID Ay, please you, Sir Anthony, there's all kinds of murder, all sorts of slaughter to be seen in the fields: there's fighting going on, sir—bloody sword-and-gun fighting!
Sir ANTHONY
Who are going to fight, dunce?
DAVID Every body that I know of, Sir Anthony:—everybody is going to fight, my poor master, Sir Lucius O'Trigger, your son, the captain——
Sir ANTHONY
Oh, the dog! I see his tricks.—Do you know the place?
DAVID
King's-Mead-Fields.
Sir ANTHONY
You know the way?
DAVID Not an inch; but I'll call the mayor—aldermen—constables—churchwardens—and beadles—we can't be too many to part them.
Sir ANTHONY Come along—give me your shoulder! we'll get assistance as we go—the lying villain!—Well, I shall be in such a frenzy!—So—this was the history of his trinkets! I'll bauble him!
[Exeunt.]
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