Consultation about Children.
Of all the means devised by policy and reflection to further the upbringing of children, as regards either learning or good habits, I see none comparable to these two—conference among all those who are interested in seeing children well brought up, and systematic constancy in carrying out what is so planned by general agreement, so that there shall be no changes except where circumstances demand it.
The conference of those interested in the upbringing of children may be of four kinds—between parents and neighbours, between teachers and neighbours, between parents and teachers, and between teachers and teachers. Under the term “neighbours” I include all strangers who are moved either by duty or courtesy to help in the training of children. Now if parents are willing to take counsel with such, they may learn by the experience of others how to deal with their own families. If neighbours are willing to give advice to parents when they notice anything amiss in their children, is it not honourable in them to act so honestly? And does it not show wisdom in parents to take it in a friendly spirit? And are not these children fortunate who have such solicitous helpers among their friends, and such considerate listeners at home.
This consultation may be between the neighbour and the teacher. In this the teacher must act very warily, for he has to consider what credit he may give to the informer, how far the scholar is capable of amendment, and how the parents will look at the matter. When the parent is dealing with his own child, either from his own knowledge or from accepted report, his judgment is life or death, without appeal, but when the teacher takes this office on him many objections may be made. ‘Why did you believe? Why did he meddle? Why did you act in this way?’ But if such consultation be wisely handled by all concerned, it will be a great advantage to the child to be made to feel that, wherever he is and whatever he does, if anyone sees him, his parent or his master, or both together, will also see him through the eyes of others.
As for consultation between parents and teachers, I have already said much on this head, but it is such an important matter that I can never say too much about it, because their friendly and faithful co-operation brings about perpetual obedience in the child, scorn of evil, and desire to do well. Nothing hinders this so much as credulity and partiality in the parents, when they are unable to withstand their children’s tears and pleading against some deserved punishment. Though the parents may at the time gain their point, they will find in the end that they cannot have their own will as they would like. Such consultation is of special value when the child is leaving school to proceed onward to further learning, and when there is a question of changing masters owing to some fancied grievance. In the former case, the parent by seeking the teacher’s advice can be surer of his ground. In the latter case, it may prevent loss to the child through misunderstanding. You are offended with the master, but have you conferred with him, and explained to him openly the cause of your dissatisfaction? Have you made quite sure that the fault is not in your son, or in yourself? If the master be wise, and if he hath been advisedly chosen, though he should chance to have erred, he will know how to make amends; if he be not wise, then the consultation will help to show him up, and make it certain how much trust can be put in him. I must needs say once for all that there is no public or private means that makes so much for the good upbringing of children as this conference between parents and teachers.
The last kind of consultation that I recommend is that among the members of the teaching profession, which has a good influence on education generally. Can any single person, or even a few, however skilful they may be, see the truth as clearly as a number can, in common consultation? Even in matters not concerned with learning such conference is found profitable, and where it is practised among teachers for the common good, it may have the advantage of giving forth a unanimous opinion to the public. In places where there are a number of schools within a small compass, this kind of conference can be easily secured and is very desirable.