SCENE II.
Enter Quartfield and Salewit, dressed like two trumpeters, keeping the door; Mistress Seathrift and Mistress Holland, with a 'prentice before 'em, as comers-in.
Quart. Bear back there!
Sale. Pray you, do not press so hard.
Quart. Make room for the two gentlewomen.
Mis. Sea. What is't?
Sale. Twelvepence apiece.
Mis. Hol. We will not give't.
Quart. Make room for them that will, then.
Plot. O fortune, here's his mother!
Bright. And who's the other?
Plot. One Mistress Holland, the
Great sempstress on the Exchange.
Mis. Hol. We gave but a groat
To see the last fish.
Quart. Gentlewoman, that
Was but an Irish sturgeon.
Sale. This came from
The Indies, and eats five crowns a day in fry,
Ox-livers, and brown paste.
Mis. Sea. Well, there's three shillings.
Pray, let us have good places now.
Quart. Bear back there!
Mis. Hol. Look, Mistress Seathrift, here be gentlemen.
Sure, 'tis a rare fish.
Mis. Sea. I know one of 'em.
Mis. Hol. And so do I; his sister was my 'prentice.
Mis. Sea. Let's take acquaintance with him.
Plot. Mistress Seathrift,
Hath the sight drawn you hither?
Mis. Sea. Yes, sir, I
And Mistress Holland here, my gossip, pass'd
This way, and so call'd in. Pray, Master Plotwell,
Is not my son here? I was told he went
With you this morning.
Plot. You shall see him straight.
Mis. Hol. When will the fish begin, sir?
Bright. Heart! she makes him a puppet-play.
Plot. Why, now, they only stay
For company, 't has sounded twice.[224]
Mis. Sea. Indeed
I long to see this fish. I wonder whether
They will cut up his belly; they say a tench
Will make him whole again.
Mis. Hol. Look, Mistress Seathrift, what claws he has!
Mis. Sea. For all the world like crabs.
Mis. Hol. Nay, mark his feet too.
Mis. Sea. For all the world like plaice.
Bright. Was ever better sport heard?
New. Prythee, peace.
Mis. Hol. Pray, can you read that? Sir, I warrant
That tells where it was caught, and what fish 'tis.
Plot. Within this place is to be seen
A wondrous fish. God save the queen.
Mis. Hol. Amen! she is my customer, and I
Have sold her bone-lace often.
Bright. Why, the queen? 'Tis writ the king.
Plot. That was to make the rhyme.
Bright. 'Slid, thou didst read it, as 'twere some picture of
An Elizabeth-fish.[225]
Quart. Bear back there!
Sale. Make room! you
Friend, that were going to cut a purse there, make
Way for the two old gentlemen to pass.
Enter Warehouse and Seathrift disguised.
Ware. What must we give?
Quart. We take a shilling, sir.
Sale. It is no less.
Sea. Pray God your fish be worth it.
What, is't a whale, you take so dear?
Quart. It is a fish taken in the Indies.
Ware. Pray despatch then, and show't us quickly.
Sale. Pray, forbear: you'd have your head broke, cobbler.
Ware. Yonder is my nephew in his old gallantry.
Sea. Who's there too? my wife
And Mistress Holland! Nay, I look'd for them.
But where's my wise son?
Ware. Mass, I see not him.
Quart. Keep out, sir.
Sale. Waterman, you must not enter.
[Cypher presses in like a waterman.
Quart. This is no place for scullers.
Cyph. I must needs speak
With one Master Plotwell——
Quart. You must stay.
Sale. Thrust him out.
Cyph. ——and one Master Seathrift
On urgent business.
Sale. They are yet employ'd
In weightier affairs. Make fast the door.
[They thrust him out.
Quart. There shall no more come in. Come in, boy.
Sea. Don't they speak as if my son were in the room?
Ware. Yes, pray observe and mark them.
Quart. Gentlemen
And gentlewomen, you now shall see a sight
Europe never show'd the like. Behold this fish!
[Draws a curtain; behind it Timothy asleep like a strange fish.
Mis. Hol. O Strange! Look How It Sleeps!
Bright. Just like a salmon upon a stall in Fish
Street.
Mis. Sea. How it snorts too! just like my husband.
Ware. 'Tis very like a man.
Sea. 'T has such a nose and eyes.
Sale. Why, 'tis, a man-fish;
An ocean centaur, begot between a siren
And a he stock-fish.
Sea. Pray, where took ye him?
Quart. We took him strangely in the Indies, near
The mouth of Rio de la Plata, asleep
Upon the shore, just as you see him now.
Mis. Hol. How say ye, asleep!
Ware. How! Would he come to land?
Sea. 'Tis strange a fish should leave his element!
Quart. Ask him what things the country told us.
Sale. You
Will scarce believe it now. This fish would walk you
Two or three mile o' th' shore sometimes; break houses,
Ravish a naked wench or two (for there
Women go naked), then run to sea again.
Quart. The country has been laid,[226] and warrants granted
To apprehend him.
Ware. I do suspect these fellows:
They lie as if they had patent for it.
Sea. The company,
Should every one believe his part, would scarce
Have faith enough among us.
Ware. Mark again.
Sale. The States of Holland would have bought him of us,
Out of a great design.
Sea. Indeed!
Sale. They offer'd a thousand dollars.
Quart. You cannot enter yet. [Some knock.
Ware. Indeed! so much! Pray, what to do?
Sale. Why, sir,
They were in hope, in time, to make this fish
Of faction 'gainst the Spaniard, and do service
Unto the state.
Sea. As how?
Sale. Why, sir, next plate-fleet,
To dive, bore holes i'th' bottom of their ships,
And sink them. You must think a fish like this
May be taught Machiavel, and made a state-fish.
Plot. As dogs are taught to fetch.
New. Or elephants to dance on ropes.
Bright. And, pray, what honour would
The states have given him for the service?
Quart. That, sir, is uncertain.
Sale. Ha' made him some sea-count; or, 't may be, admiral.
Plot. Then, sir, in time,
Dutch authors, that writ Mare Liberum,[227]
Might dedicate their books to him?
Sale. Yes, being
A fish advanc'd, and of great place. Sing, boy!
You now shall hear a song upon him.
Bright. Listen.
New. Do they not act it rarely?
Plot. If 'twere their trade, they could not do it better.
Sea. Hear you that, sir?
Ware. Still I suspect.
Mis. Hol. I warrant you, this fish
Will shortly be in a ballad.
Sale. Begin, boy.
Song.
We show no monstrous crocodile,
Nor any prodigy of Nile;
No Remora that stops your fleet,[228]
Like serjeants gallants in the street;
No sea-horse which can trot or pace,
Or swim false galop, post, or race:
For crooked dolphins we not care,
Though on their back a fiddler were:
The like to this fish, which we show,
Was ne'er in Fish Street, old or new;
Nor ever serv'd to th' sheriff's board,
Or kept in souse for the Mayor Lord.
Had old astronomers but seen
This fish, none else in heaven had been.
Mis. Hol. The song has waken'd him; look, he stirs!
Tim. O captain, pox—take—you—captain.
Mis. Sea. Hark, he speaks!
Tim. O—my—stomach——
Ware. How's this?
Sea. I'll pawn my life, this is imposture.
Tim. O, O——
Plot. Heart! the captain did not give him his full load.
Ware. Can your fish
Speak, friends? The proverb says they're mute.
Quart. I'll tell you,
You will admire how docile he is, and how
He'll imitate a man: tell him your name,
He will repeat it after you; he has heard me
Call'd captain, and my fellow curse sometimes,
And now you heard him say, pox-take-you, captain.
Sale. And yesterday, I but complain'd my stomach
Was overcharg'd, and how he minds it!
New. Strange!
Bright. Ay, is it not?
Plot. The towardness of a fish!
Sale. Would you think, when we caught him, he should speak
Drake, Drake?[229]
Bright. And did he?
Quart. Yes, and Hawkins;[230]
A sign he was a fish that swam there when
These two compass'd the world.
New. How should he learn their names, I wonder?
New. That may be.
Quart. He'll call for drink, like me, or anything
He lacks.
Tim. O Gad, my head——
Quart. D'you hear him?
Tim. O hostess, a basin——
Plot. 'Slid, he'll spew.
Bright. No matter.
Quart. Nay, I have seen him fox'd, and then maintain
A drunken dialogue.
Mis. Hol. Lord, how I long
To hear a little! Pray try him with some questions;
Will you, my friend?
Quart. Sometimes he will be sullen,
And make no answers.
Sale. That is when he's anger'd,
Or kept from drink long.
Quart. But I'll try him.
Mis. Sea. To see what creatures may be brought to!
Quart. Tim, you are drunk.
Tim. Plague take you, captain. O—Lord, you made me——
Sea. 'Sdeath, my son's name! Tim do you call him?
Sale. He'll answer to no name but that.
Quart. And, Tim, what think you of a wench now?
Tim. O, I am sick; where is she? O——
Sea. I'll lay my life, this fish is some confederate rogue.
Quart. I drink to you, Timothy, in sack.
Tim. O, O!
Quart. A health, Tim.
Sale. What, not pledge your mistress!
Tim. O, let me alone.
Sale. He is not in the mood now;
Sometimes you'd wonder at him.
Quart. He is tired
With talking all this day. That, and the heat
Of company about him, dull him.
Ware. Surely,
My friends, it is to me a miracle
To hear a fish speak thus.
Quart. So, sirs, 't has been
To thousands more.
Sale. Come now next Michaelmas,
'Tis five year we have shown him in most courts
In Christendom; and you will not believe,
How with mere travelling and observation
He has improved himself, and brought away
The language of the country.
Sea. May not I ask him
Some questions?
Quart. Sir, you may; but he
Will answer none but one of us.
Mis. Sea. He's used, and knows their voices.
[Knocking at door.
Sale. He is so, mistress. Now, we'll open door.
Ware. Well, my belief doth tell me
There is a mist before our eyes.
Mis. Sea. I mar'l
My wise son miss'd this show.
Quart. Good people, we
Do show no more to-day: if you desire
[They draw the curtain before him.
To see, come to us in King Street to-morrow.
Mis. Hol. Come, gossip, let us go; the fish is done.
Mis. Sea. By your leave, gentlemen. Truly, 'tis a dainty fish.[231]
[Exit Mistress Seathrift, Mistress Holland, and 'Prentice.