SCENE VII.
As they kiss, enter Bright, Newcut.
Bright. By your leave, madam! What, for practice' sake,
Kissing your woman? Lord, how a lady's lips
Hate idleness, and will be busied when
The rest lies fallow! and rather than want action,
Be kind within themselves, an't be t' enjoy
But the poor pleasure of contemplation.
New. And how do you find her, madam?
Aur. Stay, wench.
New. Lord!
Does it not grieve you now, and make you sigh,
And very passionately accuse nature,
And say she was too hard to make your woman
Able to kiss you only, and do no more?
Bright. Is it not pity, but, besides the gift
Of making caudles, and using of her pencil,
She had the trick o' th' other sex?
Aur. Methinks
Your own good breeding might instruct you that
My house is not a new foundation, where
You might, paying the rate, approach, be rude,
Give freedom to your unwash'd mouths.
Dor. My lady
Keeps no poor nuns, that sin for victuals, for you,
With whom this dead vacation[250] you may trade
For old silk stockings and half-shirts. They say
You do offend o' th' score, and sin in chalk,[251]
And the dumb walls complain you are behind
In pension;[252] so that your distressed vestals
Are fain to foot their stockings, pay the brewer
And landlord's rent in woman-kind, and long
More earnestly for the term than Norfolk lawyers.
Bright. Why, you have got a second, lady: your woman
Doth speak good country language.
New. Offers at wit, and shows teeth for a jest.
Bright. We hear you are to marry an old citizen.
Aur. Then surely you were not deaf.
New. And do you mean his age—
Which hath seen all the kingdom buried thrice,
To whom the heat of August is December. [Exit Dorcas.
Who, were he but in Italy, would save
The charge of marble vaults, and cool the air
Better than ventiducts—shall freeze between
Your melting arms? Do but consider, he
But marries you as he would do his furs,
To keep him warm.
Aur. But he is rich, sir.
Bright. Then,
In wedding him you wed more infirmities
Than ever Galen wrote of: he has pains
That put the doctors to new experiments.
Half his diseases in the city bill
Kill hundreds weekly: alone [an] hospital
Were but enough for him.
New. Besides,
He has a cough that nightly drowns the bellman;
Calls up his family; all his neighbours rise,
And go by it, as by the chimes and clock.
Not four loam walls, nor sawdust put between,
Can dead it.
Aur. Yet he is still rich.
Bright. If this
Cannot affright you, but that you will needs
Be blind to wholesome counsel, and will marry
One who, by th' course of nature, ought t' have been
Rotten before the queen's time, and in justice
Should now have been some threescore years a ghost,
Let pity move you. In this match you quite
Destroy the hopes and fortunes of a gentleman,
For whom, had his penurious uncle starv'd,
And pin'd himself his whole life, to increase
The riches he deserves t' inherit, it
Had been his duty.
Aur. You mean his nephew Plotwell?
A prodigal young man: one whom the good
Old man, his uncle, kept to th' inns-of-court,
And would in time ha' made him barrister,
And rais'd him to his satin cap and biggon,[253]
In which he might ha' sold his breath far dearer,
And let his tongue out at a greater price
Than some their manors. But he did neglect
These thriving means, followed his loose companions,
His Brights and Newcuts—two, they say, that live
By the new heresy, Platonic love;
Can take up silks upon their strengths, and pay
Their mercer with an infant.[254]
Bright. Newcut!
New. Ay, I do observe her character. Well, then,
You are resolved to marry?
Aur. Were the man
A statue, so it were a golden one,
I'd have him.
Bright. Pray, then, take along to church
These few good wishes. May your husband prove
So jealous to suspect that, when you drink
To any man, you kiss the place where his
Lips were before, and so pledge meetings: let him
Think you do cuckold him by looks; and let him
Each night, before you go to rest, administer
A solemn oath, that all your thoughts were chaste
That day, and that you sleep with all your hairs.
New. And, which is worse, let him forget he lay
With you himself; before some magistrate
Swear 'twas some other, and have it believ'd
Upon record.
Enter Plotwell.
Plot. Sister, I've left your bridegroom
Under this key lock'd in, t' embrace your pillow.
Sure, he has ate eringoes, he's as hot—
He was about to fetch you in his shirt.
Bright. How's this? His sister!
Plot. My noble friends, you wonder now to hear
Me call her sister.
Bright. Faith, sir, we wonder more
She should be married.
New. If't be your sister, we
Have labour'd her she should not match her uncle,
And bring forth riddles: children that should be
Nephews to their father, and to their uncle sons.
Plot. I laugh now at your ignorance: why, these
Are projects, gentlemen: fine gins and projects.
Did Roseclap's boy come to you?
Bright. Yes.
Plot. I have
A rare scene for you.
New. The boy told us you were
Upon a stratagem.
Plot. I've sent for Roseclap
And Captain Quartfield to be here: I have
Put Salewit into orders; he's inducted
Into the French Church: you must all have parts.
Bright. Prythee, speak out of clouds.
Plot. By this good light,
'Twere justice now to let you both die simple
For leaving us so scurvily.
New. We were
Sent for in haste by th' benchers to contribute
To one of 'em that's Reader.[255]
Plot. Come with me;
I'll tell you then. But first I'll show you a sight
Much stranger than the fish.
Enter Dorcas.
Dor. Madam, here's Bannswright
And an old merchant to desire access.
Aur. Bid 'em come in. [Exit Dorcas.
Plot. Gentlemen, fall off:
If we be seen, the plot is spoil'd. Sister,
Now look you do your part well.
Aur. I am perfect. [Exeunt Plotwell, Bright, Newcut.