XXXIX
Hugo came back from India in June.
He came to see me one morning, soon after he got back.
I was upstairs, tidying a cupboard. I had an overall on, and was dusty. When Louise came to tell me that he was there, I was surprised, for I did not know he had come home. I wondered if I was pleased to see him or not; I did not know; I went downstairs to the dining-room. The drawing-room was being turned out, and we could not go in there.
We sat down on each side of the dining-room table. There were wild roses, in a glass vase on the table, and the water in the vase was cloudy. I had meant to change the water that morning, and had forgotten. I hoped Hugo would not notice the water; I thought he would. I wished we had not to be in the dining-room where the sideboard was, that Hugo did not like. I did not know what to say to Hugo; he seemed so far away; so long ago.
Hugo said:
‘I came back on Tuesday.’
I said:
‘Oh, I did not know you were back.’
I said:
‘Was it interesting in India?’
Hugo said:
‘Yes, it was very interesting. The colours are wonderful there. You can’t imagine what the colours are like.’
I said:
‘Like Holman Hunt, are they?’
He said:
‘Almost; the purples, not the green, so much.’
I said:
‘That must be jolly.’
Hugo said:
‘Yes.’
Then he said:
‘It is funny to visit you like this, married.’
I laughed. I kept laughing a little, foolishly, I felt.
I said:
‘I was married before you went away.’
He said:
‘Yes, but hardly; now you are quite used to it, I suppose?’
I said:
‘Yes.’
He wanted to know if I was happy. I knew he wanted to, and I wanted to tell him that I was, but we seemed too awkward, somehow, to talk in that way, seriously; it was as though we were afraid. He only laughed a little, and said:
‘And how do you like it?’
And I said:
‘Very much, thank you.’
And then we both laughed.
I wanted to tell him about my baby; that I was going to have one very soon now, though I suppose he knew; but I could not speak about that either. It was odd, and painful, the way we could not talk.
I thought:
‘It is because we have not met for so long, and so much has happened in between, at least to me.’
I thought:
‘It will be different when we get used to each other again. We will soon.’
I said:
‘Walter is out. He will be awfully sorry to miss you.’
‘Yes. Oh—I am awfully sorry to miss him. I am going down to Yearsly to-morrow. I suppose you and Walter couldn’t come for the week-end? It would be nice if you could.’
And I said:
‘It would be awfully nice, but I am afraid we can’t. Walter’s mother is coming to supper, and besides he has some work to do in the morning.’
I said it quickly. We could have put off Mrs. Sebright, I knew that really, but I did not want to go, and Walter would not want to go either. We had been twice for week-ends to Yearsly; it did not do, somehow, with Walter. He did not fit in, though Cousin Delia was the same as she had always been.
I think Hugo knew too, for he only said:
‘I was afraid you would not be able to. Well, we will meet again soon. I shall be back in a week or so.’
He stood up to go, and we shook hands.
‘It is nice to see you again,’ he said.
And I said:
‘It was nice of you to come.’
The dining-room was downstairs in the basement. We went up to the front door.
He went down the front steps and the garden path and out of the gate. He turned at the gate and waved his hat, and I waved my hand to him in turn.
Then I went in and shut the door.