BALLS.
THE form of invitations will be found on page 49.
An invitation to a ball should be sent out from two to three weeks before the evening, and should be answered within a day or two of being received.
As to the number of guests to be invited, no precise rules can be laid down. The size of your room does not seem to be any guide. The custom is to ask rather more than twice as many as your rooms will hold; but one-third more will be enough, as it will allow of disappointments at the last moment, even if all have accepted the invitations. Besides, during the gayest of the season, the fashion of going to several balls in one night necessitates ensuring the presence of a sufficiently large number of guests all through the evening. If you really wish for dancing, do not exceed the last limits. If, however, your aim is to have the largest ball of the season, a crush and crowd, to make a sensation, then invite your entire visiting list, and endure the consequences.
A hundred guests constitute a "ball;" over that, a "large ball;" under that, merely a "dance."
One of the first requisites of a ball-room is thorough ventilation, especially if there is a prospect of a large number of guests.
One of the most desirable points in a ball is to have a beautifully arranged room. The floor must be well waxed, and perfectly even, and it is well to draw a cord across two-thirds of it, not admitting more than can dance inside the space so cut off at once. The French make their ball-rooms perfect flower-gardens. Every comer has its immense bouquet; the walls are gracefully wreathed; bouquets, baskets, and exquisitely decorated pots of growing plants are placed in every available place. The staircases, landings, and supper-room are all filled with floral treasures, harmonizing with fine effect with the brilliant lights and gay the dresses of the ladies. It adds to the effect to conceal the musicians behind a screen of evergreen and flowers.
The dressing-rooms should be provided with two servants apiece, and small cards, with the names of the invited guests upon them, should be in readiness to pin to the wraps of each one.
In each dressing-room, have plenty of water, soap, and towels upon the washstand, several brushes and combs, small hand-mirrors, pin- cushions well filled, and stick pomade upon the bureau. The ladies' room should also have hair-pins, a work-box in readiness to repair any accidental rip or tear; cologne, hartshorn, and salts, in case of faintness. The gentlemen's room should be provided with a boot-jack, a whisk, and a clothes-brush.
No one should accept an invitation to a ball who cannot or who will not dance. They are mere encumbrances. Nothing is more trying to the feelings of a hostess than to see a number of wallflowers ornamenting (?) her ball-room.
The hour at which one may go to a ball varies from ten o'clock in the evening until daybreak. Any one who attends several balls in one evening will, of course, find it impossible to appear at an early hour at each one.
The lady of the house—who should, if possible, know the name of everybody who enters the room—must stand near the door, so as to receive her guests, to each of whom she must find something to say, no matter how trifling. The host must also be near, to welcome arrivals, and the sons to introduce people. The young ladies must see that the dances are kept up, and should not dance themselves till they have found partners for all their friends. They may with perfect propriety ask any gentleman present to be introduced to a partner, and he is bound to accept the invitation; but the lady must be careful whom she asks. Many present may be entire strangers to her. Miss A. has brought her betrothed; Miss B. introduces her cousin, Captain —-, on a short leave of absence from his regiment in Texas; Miss C. presents her brother, just returned from California; Miss D. begs leave to introduce a cousin on a short visit to the city; Miss E., a belle, has informed a dozen or two of her admirers where they may bow to her on the evening of the ball. All these strangers bow to the hostess, and must be provided with partners. The "Man in the Club Window" says:
"I have known a case where a distinguished-looking young man, having declined the lady's invitation to dance, but being pressed by,' I can't make up the lancers without you,' somewhat reluctantly accepted, performed his part so well that his partner was quite eprise with him, and even ventured on a little flirtation. You can imagine her dismay when, a little later in the evening, she saw her charming acquaintance carrying up a pile of plates from the kitchen to the supper-room. For the first time in her life, she had danced with an occasional waiter."
If a gentleman act as escort to a lady, he must call at her house, at the hour she appoints, with a carriage, and he is expected to send a bouquet in the course of the afternoon. Upon reaching the house of the hostess for the evening, he must escort his fair charge to the dressing-room, leave her at the door, make his own toilet as rapidly as possibly, and return to meet the lady at the dressing-room door again, escort her to the ball-room, and at once to the hostess. She is obliged by etiquette to dance the first dance with him; but after that, he may with propriety allow her liberty to select other partners, always watching, however, to see that she is never neglected. He must be her escort to supper, and ready at any moment to leave the ball-room to escort her home again.
If a gentleman is unaccompanied by a lady, he must invite one of the ladies of the house for the first dance, and yield gracefully if she declines on the plea of want of room or partners for all her guests, consenting smilingly if she requests him to lead out the homeliest and most awkward of her wall-flowers.
The music must be first a march, then a quadrille, a polka, a waltz, a galop, and so on, with two or three round dances to each quadrille, until fourteen dances are completed, when another march announces supper. Seven to ten dances may follow supper. Each guest must be provided with a ball-card with a printed programme of the dances, and space for the engagements upon it, and a tiny pencil attached to it. Many ladies carry their own engagement- card; but they must depend upon the programme for the order of dances. The fashion of hanging a few printed programmes in the room is not considered en regle.
The supper-room must be thrown open at midnight, and remain open until the ball closes. It is, however, an extreme of bad taste and low breeding for gentlemen to cluster round the table in groups and remain there. It is one of the duties of the hostess to see that no young lady loses her supper for want of an escort to the slipper-room. If there are no young gentlemen in the family, she must request one of her guests to go to the rescue of the forlorn maiden.
No gentleman must wait until the music has commenced before selecting his partner.
A lady who declines dancing on the pretext of fatigue must dance no more, unless she has said she wished to rest for that dance alone.
If a lady decline dancing with a gentlemen, it is rude for him to turn from her to another lady who has heard the refusal, and invite her to dance. If the first lady has a prior engagement, he must seek another partner in another part of the room; if she refuses from fatigue or a disinclination to dance that set, it is a compliment to her for him to remain beside her, and endeavor to entertain her while the dance is in progress.
A lady should never give her bouquet, gloves, and fan to a gentleman to hold during a dance, unless he is her husband, brother, or escort for the evening.
A gentleman, in waltzing with a young lady, must never encircle her waist until the dance actually commences, and drop his arm from around her as soon as the music ceases. American gentlemen would do well to study the waltz with a German teacher, as they understand more perfectly than any others the most delicate way of dancing this objectionable dance, and, above all, how to hold a lady lightly and firmly without embracing her.
When a lady expresses a desire to sit down before the close of a dance, it is exceedingly rude for a gentlemen to insist upon a continuation of the dance. He must escort her to a seat at once, and then express his regret at the interrupted pleasure. She may with propriety release him to seek another partner, but it is a poor compliment for him to accept the proposal.
A gentleman should never invite a lady to be his partner in a dance with which he is not perfectly familiar. It is tiresome in the extreme to guide a partner through a dance, and the ballroom is not a dancing-school for practice.
If a gentleman takes a lady's seat during a dance, he must rise from it as soon as the dance is over, not waiting for her to actually return to it, as she may hesitate to do if she sees that it is occupied.
No lady must enter or cross a ball-room unescorted.
No lady may refuse to be introduced to a gentleman at a private ball; but at a public ball she may with perfect propriety refuse any introduction made by the master of ceremonies, or by mere acquaintances.
Confidential conversation in a ball-room is in extreme bad taste.
Do not be too particular about dancing. Taking steps in a quadrille is out of date, all the figures being executed to a graceful walk.
To remain too late at a ball is not well-bred, and seems to imply that you are unaccustomed to such pleasures. Do not engage yourself, therefore, for the last two or three dances.
No gentleman should take the vacant seat next to a lady unless he is acquainted with her, and not then without first asking permission.
A gentleman must offer his arm, never his hand, to lead a lady to and from the dance.
A lady must be very careful not to engage herself to two gentlemen for the same dance, unless, for a round dance, she states: "I am engaged for the first half of the waltz, but will dance the second part with you." In that case, she must tell her first partner of her second engagement, that she may not offend him when she takes another partner after leaving him.
If a lady wishes to decline dancing, whether from dislike to the gentleman who invites her, or from whatever cause, she must make some excuse; but she must never refuse point blank, nor must she, after having refused to dance with one gentleman, consent to dance with another.
When introduced, it is sufficient for a gentleman to say to a lady, "May I have the pleasure of dancing this waltz with you, Miss C—-?" or if the lady be engaged for the first dance following the introduction, he may request the favor of putting his name upon her engagement card for another.
A young lady should not dance more than twice with the same gentleman, unless she wants to be noticed, or is indifferent whether she be so or not.
A lady may consult her own pleasure about recognizing a ballroom acquaintance at a future meeting.
Every gentleman must make a point of inviting the ladies of the house to dance; and if he be kind, he will certainly devote himself—for a portion of the evening, at least—to those ladies for whom the May of life has bloomed and passed away, and who generally sit round the room looking wistfully disconsolate.
After every dance following the announcement of supper, offer your partner your arm, and invite her to the supper-room (at a ball, refreshments are never handed round). Should she decline going, or has already been there, take her back to her chaperon, or party, and, procuring a seat for her, thank her for the pleasure the dance has afforded you.
No lady should detain her partner long in the supper-room; she may be thus forcing him to be guilty of the rudeness of breaking an engagement with another lady for the following dance.
No gentleman should linger round the supper-table. Your hostess invites you to a ball to dance, and be agreeable, not to haunt her supper-room, as if you were starving.
Avoid all absence of mind, staring, listlessness, and other eccentricities.
Never swing your arms about, and try to avoid being conspicuous in any way.
Take the partner with whom you may happen to be dancing when supper is announced to the supper-table, unless she has come with a gentleman, in which case you must not usurp his privilege. If she is disengaged, escort her to a seat in the supper-room, if possible, and see that she is served with the dishes she selects. Do not take your own supper at the same time; wait till the lady has finished; then take her back to the ball-room, and repeat the process, if necessary, with some other lonely damsel. When all the ladies have been once to the supper-room, the gentlemen may think of their own supper.
Gloves of white kid must be worn during the entire evening, and it is well to have a fresh pair in readiness to put on after supper.
On quitting a ball, it is not necessary to take a formal leave of the hostess. Indeed, it is preferable to make your departure as quietly as possible, in order to prevent the others from thinking it later than perhaps it is, and so breaking up the ball at an earlier hour than the hostess may desire.
If a gentleman escorts a lady home from a ball, she is not obliged to invite him to enter, and if she does so, he must decline the invitation. He must, however, request permission to call the following day or evening, and he must make that call.
A gentleman in a ball-room cannot be too careful not to injure the delicate fabric worn by the ladies around him. Spurs are in bad taste, even if a cavalry officer is otherwise in full uniform.
While one dance is in progress, it is not in good taste to make arrangements for another.
It is a gross breach of etiquette on the part of either a lady or a gentleman to forget a ball-room engagement.
It is not according, to etiquette for married people to dance together at either a private or a public ball.