SELF-ABANDONMENT
I cannot think without rapture of the dear little Saint Cæcilia: what a model! In the midst of a pagan world, in the heart of danger, at the moment when about to be united to a mortal who sought none but earthly love, it seems to me that she ought to have trembled and wept. But no, while her bridal was celebrated with joyful melody Cæcilia was singing in her heart.[66] What abandonment to God! Without doubt she listened to other melodies than those of earth; her Divine Spouse, He too, was singing, and Angel choirs sang again the refrain of one most blessed night: “Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to men of good will.”[67]
The glory of God!—Oh! Cæcilia understood it; most earnestly did she long for it. She divined that her Jesus was athirst for souls ... that is why her whole desire was that she might lead speedily to Him the soul of the young Roman, who dreamed of naught but human glory: this wise Virgin will make of him a martyr, and multitudes will follow in his footprints. She fears nothing: the Angels have promised and have sung of peace. She knows that the Prince of Peace is bound to protect her, to shield her virginity and to give to her its recompense. “O how beautiful is the chaste generation!”[68]
XVII LETTER TO HER SISTER CÉLINE
I had offered myself to the Child Jesus to be His little plaything. I had told Him not to use me like a costly toy which children are pleased to look at without daring to touch; but as He would a little ball of no value, that He might throw to the ground, toss about, pierce, leave in a corner, or else press to His Heart if so it pleased Him. In a word I wanted to amuse the little Jesus, and to give myself up to all His childlike fancies.
HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. VI
My heart is entirely filled with the will of Jesus; therefore when anything over and above falls to its share, this does not penetrate to its depths; it is a mere nothing which easily glides by, as oil on the surface of limpid water. Ah! if my heart were not filled up beforehand, had it to be filled by the sentiments of joy or of sadness which so quickly succeed each other, bitter indeed would be this flood-tide of pain; but these rapid alternations do no more than ruffle the surface of my soul, and I remain ever in a profound peace that nothing can disturb.
HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. XII
I am not always faithful, but I am never discouraged; I leave myself wholly in the arms of our Divine Lord; He teaches me to draw profit from all—both good and ill that He finds in me.[69] He teaches me to speculate in the Bank of Love, or rather it is He who acts for me without telling me how He goes to work, that is His affair and not mine; my part is complete surrender, reserving nothing to myself, not even the gratification of knowing how my credit stands with the Bank.
XVI LETTER TO HER SISTER CÉLINE
A sister told Sœur Thérèse of the strange phenomena produced by magnetism on persons who really wish to yield up their will to the mesmerizer. These details appeared to interest her keenly and on the morrow she said to the Sister:
“Your conversation yesterday did me so much good. Oh! how I wish to be magnetized by our Lord. It was my first thought on awakening. With what delight have I delivered my will up to Him. Yes, I want Him to make Himself master of my faculties in such sort that my actions shall no longer be human or personal, but wholly divine, inspired and directed by the Spirit of Love.”
COUNSELS AND REMINISCENCES
You are quite wrong to think of sorrows that the future may bring; it is, as it were, intermeddling with Divine Providence. We who run in the way of Love must never torment ourselves about anything. If I did not suffer minute by minute, it would be impossible for me to be patient; but I see only the present moment, I forget the past and I take good care not to anticipate the future. If we grow disheartened, if sometimes we despair, it is because we have been dwelling on the past or the future.
HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. XII
I no longer thirst for either suffering or death, yet both I dearly prize. Long did I call upon them as the harbingers of joy.... Suffering has in very truth been mine, and I have thought I wellnigh touched the eternal shore! I have believed from my earliest youth that the little flower would be gathered in its spring-time; now, it is the spirit of self-abandonment alone that guides me, no other compass have I. I know not now, how to ask anything eagerly, save the perfect accomplishment of God’s designs upon my soul.
HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. VIII
“Pray for me,” she would often say, “when I implore Heaven to come to my aid, then it is that I feel most forsaken.”
“And in this desolation how do you avoid discouragement?” they asked her.
“I turn to the good God, to all the Saints, and I thank them just the same. I think they wish to see to what point I shall carry my trust.... But not in vain have these words of Job sunk into my heart: ‘Though He should kill me yet will I trust in Him.’[70] I acknowledge it was long before I reached this degree of abandonment; our Lord has taken me and placed me there!”
HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. XII
It seems to me that nothing now hinders me from taking flight, for I no longer have any great desires, save to love, even unto dying of love. I am free, I have no fear, not even of what I most dreaded; I mean the fear of being a long time ill and consequently a burthen to the Community. If it gives pleasure to the good God I willingly consent to see my life of suffering, both of soul and body, prolonged for years. Oh! no, I do not fear a long life. I do not shun the combat. “The Lord is the rock upon which I am founded. Who teacheth my hands to fight and my fingers to war; He is my protector in whom I have hoped.”[71] Never have I asked God to let me die young; it is true I have ever believed that it would be so, but without seeking to obtain it.
HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. IX
Whatever the good God has given me has always pleased me, even the gifts which have appeared to me less good and less beautiful than those received by others.
COUNSELS AND REMINISCENCES
I have no greater desire to die than to live; if our Lord gave me the choice I would choose nothing; I only will what He wills; it is what He does that I love.
HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. XII
“Some think you are afraid of death,” they said to her.—“That may indeed yet happen; I never depend on my own thoughts, knowing how weak I am; but at present I will rejoice in the sentiments that the good God now gives me, there will be time enough to suffer from the contrary.”
HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. XII
A sister said to her:
“If anyone goes straight to Heaven, you surely will not spend one moment in Purgatory!”
“Oh! I feel little anxiety about that; I shall always be content with the sentence of the good God. If I go to Purgatory, well—I shall walk in the midst of the flames, like the three Hebrews in the furnace, singing the Canticle of Love.”
COUNSELS AND REMINISCENCES