16

ON A READER OF HIS OWN VERSES

Hoarse Mævius reads his hobbling verse
To all and at all times,
And deems them both divinely smooth,
His voice as well as rhymes.

[[956]] But folks say, Mævius is no ass!
But Mævius makes it clear
That he's a monster of an ass,
An ass without an ear.

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 7, 1799. Included in An. Anth., 1800; Keepsake, 1829, p. 122; Lit. Rem., i. 49. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162. Adapted from Wernicke's Epigrams, Bk. IX, No. 42. An einen gewissen Pritschmeister. 'Umsonst dass jedermann, dieweil du manches Blatt.'

17

ON A REPORT OF A MINISTER'S DEATH WRITTEN IN GERMANY

Last Monday all the Papers said
That Mr. —— was dead;
Why, then, what said the City?
The tenth part sadly shook their head,
And shaking sigh'd and sighing said,
'Pity, indeed, 'tis pity!'

But when the said report was found
A rumour wholly without ground,
Why, then, what said the city?
The other nine parts shook their head,
Repeating what the tenth had said,
'Pity, indeed, 'tis pity!'

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 18, 1799. Included in Keepsake, 1829, p. 122; Lit. Rem., i. 46. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 166. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 29. Auf den falschen Ruf von Nigrins Tode. 'Es sagte, sonder alle Gnade, die ganze Stadt Nigrinen tot.'

LINENOTES:

[2]

That Mr. —— was surely dead M. P.

[3]

Why] Ah M. P.

[4]

their] the M. P.

[9]

Why] Ah M. P.

[10]

their] the M. P.

18

[DEAR BROTHER JEM]

Jem writes his verses with more speed
Than the printer's boy can set 'em;
Quite as fast as we can read,
And only not so fast as we forget 'em.

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1799. Included in An. Anth., 1800; Essays, &c., 1850, iii. 974. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 164.

19

JOB'S LUCK

Sly Beelzebub took all occasions
To try Job's constancy and patience;
He took his honours, took his health,
He took his children, took his wealth,
His camels, horses, asses, cows—
And the sly Devil did not take his spouse.

But Heaven that brings out good from evil,
And loves to disappoint the Devil,
Had predetermined to restore
Twofold all Job had before,
His children, camels, horses, cows,—
Short-sighted Devil, not to take his spouse!

1799. First published in Morning Post, Sept. 26, 1801. Included in Annual Register, 1827, and Keepsake, 1829. First collected 1834.

The first stanza of 'Job's Luck' is adapted from Fr. v. Logan's Sinngedicht, Hiob's Weib. Lessing's edition, Bk. III, No. 90:—

'Als der Satan ging von Hiob, ist sein Anwalt dennoch blieben,
Hiobs Weib; er hätte nimmer einen bessern aufgetrieben.'

The second stanza is adapted from Fr. v. Logan's Sinngedicht, Auf den Hornutus, ibid. Bk. I, No. 68:—

'Hornutus las, was Gott Job habe weggenommen,
Sei doppelt ihm hernach zu Hause wiederkommen:
Wie gut, sprach er, war dies, dass Gott sein Weib nicht nahm,
Auf dass Job ihrer zwei für eine nicht bekam!'

The original source is a Latin epigram by John Owen (Audoenus Oxoniensis), Bk. III, No. 198. See N. and Q., 1st Series, ii. 516.

LINENOTES:

Title] The Devil Outwitted M. P.

[3]

honours] honour M. P.

20

ON THE SICKNESS OF A GREAT MINISTER

Pluto commanded death to take away
Billy—Death made pretences to obey,
And only made pretences, for he shot
A headless dart that struck nor wounded not.
The ghaunt Economist who (tho' my grandam
Thinks otherwise) ne'er shoots his darts at random
[[958]] Mutter'd, 'What? put my Billy in arrest?
Upon my life that were a pretty jest!
So flat a thing of Death shall ne'er be said or sung—
No! Ministers and Quacks, them take I not so young.'

First, published in Morning Post, Oct. 1, 1799. Now reprinted for the first time. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 119. Auf die Genesung einer Buhlerin. 'Dem Tode wurde jüngst von Pluto anbefohlen.'

21

[TO A VIRTUOUS OECONOMIST]

Wernicke

You're careful o'er your wealth 'tis true:
Yet so that of your plenteous store
The needy takes and blesses you,
For you hate Poverty, but not the Poor.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 28, 1799. Now reprinted for the first time. Adapted from Wernicke's Epigrams (Bk. I, No. 49). An den sparsamen Celidon.

'Du liebst zwar Geld und Gut, doch so dass dein Erbarmen
Der Arme fühlt.'

22

[L'ENFANT PRODIGUE]

Jack drinks fine wines, wears modish clothing,
But prithee where lies Jack's estate?
In Algebra for there I found of late
A quantity call'd less than nothing.

First published in Morning Post, Nov. 16, 1799. Included in An. Anth., 1800. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 163.

23

ON SIR RUBICUND NASO

A COURT ALDERMAN AND WHISPERER OF SECRETS

Speak out, Sir! you're safe, for so ruddy your nose
That, talk where you will, 'tis all under the Rose.

First published in Morning Post, Dec. 7, 1799. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 975. First collected Poems, 1907. Compare Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 35. Auf eine lange Nase.

24

TO MR. PYE

On his Carmen Seculare (a title which has by various persons who have heard it, been thus translated, 'A Poem an age long').

Your poem must eternal be,
Eternal! it can't fail,
For 'tis incomprehensible,
And without head or tail!

First published in Morning Post, Jan. 24, 1800. Included in Keepsake, 1829, p. 277. First collected P. and D. W., ii. 161.

25

[NINETY-EIGHT]

O would the Baptist come again
And preach aloud with might and main
Repentance to our viperous race!
But should this miracle take place,
I hope, ere Irish ground he treads,
He'll lay in a good stock of heads!

First published in An. Anth., 1800. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162. Adapted from Friedrich von Logau's Sinngedicht, Johannes der Täufer, Lessing's edition, Bk. I, No. 30:—

'Nicht recht! nicht recht! würd' immer schrein
Johannes, sollt' er wieder sein.
Doch käm er, riet' ich, dass er dächte,
Wie viel er Köpf' in Vorrat brächte.'

26

OCCASIONED BY THE FORMER

I hold of all our viperous race
The greedy creeping things in place
Most vile, most venomous; and then
The United Irishmen!
To come on earth should John determine,
Imprimis, we'll excuse his sermon.
Without a word the good old Dervis
Might work incalculable service,
At once from tyranny and riot
Save laws, lives, liberties and moneys,
If sticking to his ancient diet
He'd but eat up our locusts and wild honeys!

First published in An. Anth., 1800. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162.

LINENOTES:

After 4 Now by miraculous deeds to stir them MS.

27

[A LIAR BY PROFESSION]

As Dick and I at Charing Cross were walking,
Whom should we see on t'other side pass by
But Informator with a stranger talking,
So I exclaim'd, 'Lord, what a lie!'
Quoth Dick—'What, can you hear him?'
'Hear him! stuff!
I saw him open his mouth—an't that enough?'

First published in An. Anth., 1800. First collected P. and D. W., ii. 163. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 142. Auf den Ley. 'Der gute Mann, den Ley beiseite dort gezogen!'

28

TO A PROUD PARENT

Thy babes ne'er greet thee with the father's name;
'My Lud!' they lisp. Now whence can this arise?
Perhaps their mother feels an honest shame
And will not teach her infant to tell lies.

First published in An. Anth., 1800, included in Essays, &c., ii. 997. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 164. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 17. An den Doktor Sp * *. 'Dein Söhnchen lässt dich nie den Namen Vater hören.'

29

RUFA

Thy lap-dog, Rufa, is a dainty beast,
It don't surprise me in the least
To see thee lick so dainty clean a beast.
But that so dainty clean a beast licks thee,
Yes—that surprises me.

First published in An. Anth., 1800. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 164. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 66. An die Dorilis. 'Dein Hündchen, Dorilis, ist zärtlich, tändelnd, rein.'

30

ON A VOLUNTEER SINGER

Swans sing before they die—'twere no bad thing
Should certain persons die before they sing.

First published in An. Anth., 1800. Included in Keepsake, 1829, p. 277; Essays, &c., 1850, ii. 988. First collected in 1834.

31

OCCASIONED BY THE LAST

A joke (cries Jack) without a sting—
Post obitum can no man sing.
And true, if Jack don't mend his manners
And quit the atheistic banners,
Post obitum will Jack run foul
Of such folks as can only howl.

First published in An. Anth., 1800. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 988. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii, 165.

LINENOTES:

[1]

joke] jest Essays, &c.

[5]

folks] sparks Essays, &c.

32

EPITAPH ON MAJOR DIEMAN

Know thou who walks't by, Man! that wrapp'd up in lead, man,
What once was a Dieman, now lies here a dead man.
Alive a proud Major! but ah me! of our poor all,
The soul having gone, he is now merely Corporal.

? 1800. Now first published from MS.

33

ON THE ABOVE

As long as ere the life-blood's running,
Say, what can stop a Punster's punning?
He dares bepun even thee, O Death!
To punish him, Stop thou his breath.

? 1800. Now first published from MS.

34

EPITAPH

ON A BAD MAN

Of him that in this gorgeous tomb doth lie,
This sad brief tale is all that Truth can give—
He lived like one who never thought to die,
He died like one who dared not hope to live![961:1]

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 22, 1801. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 168.

ANOTHER VERSION

Under this stone does Walter Harcourt lie,
Who valued nought that God or man could give;
He lived as if he never thought to die;
He died as if he dared not hope to live![962:1]

[The name Walter Harcourt has been supplied by the editor.—S. C.]

Obiit Saturday, Sept. 10, 1830.

W. H. EHEU!

Beneath this stone does William Hazlitt lie,
Thankless of all that God or man could give.
He lived like one who never thought to die,
He died like one who dared not hope to live.

35

TO A CERTAIN MODERN NARCISSUS

Do call, dear Jess, whene'er my way you come;
My looking-glass will always be at home.

First published in Morning Post, Dec. 16, 1801. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 978. First collected in 1893.

36

TO A CRITIC

WHO EXTRACTED A PASSAGE FROM A POEM WITHOUT ADDING
A WORD RESPECTING THE CONTEXT, AND THEN DERIDED IT AS UNINTELLIGIBLE.

Most candid critic, what if I,
By way of joke, pull out your eye,
And holding up the fragment, cry,
'Ha! ha! that men such fools should be!
Behold this shapeless Dab!—and he
Who own'd it, fancied it could see!'
The joke were mighty analytic,
But should you like it, candid critic?

First published in Morning Post, Dec. 16, 1801: included in Keepsake, 1829, and in Essays, &c., iii. 977-8. First collected in P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 167.

37

ALWAYS AUDIBLE

Pass under Jack's window at twelve at night
You'll hear him still—he's roaring!
Pass under Jack's window at twelve at noon,
You'll hear him still—he's snoring!

First published in Morning Post, Dec. 19, 1801. First collected 1893.

38

PONDERE NON NUMERO

Friends should be weigh'd, not told; who boasts to have won
A multitude of friends, he ne'er had one.

First published in Morning Post, Dec. 26, 1801. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 978. First collected in 1893. Adapted from Friedrich von Logan's Sinngedicht (Lessing's edition, Bk. II, No. 65).

'Freunde muss man sich erwählen
Nur nach Wägen, nicht nach Zählen.'

Cf. also Logan, Book II, No. 30.

39

THE COMPLIMENT QUALIFIED

To wed a fool, I really cannot see
Why thou, Eliza, art so very loth;
Still on a par with other pairs you'd be,
Since thou hast wit and sense enough for both.

First published in Morning Post, Dec. 26, 1801. First collected 1893. The title referred to an epigram published in M. P. Dec. 24, 1801.

40

[The twenty-one 'Original Epigrams' following were printed in the Morning Post, in September and October, 1802, over the signature 'ΕΣΤΗΣΕ'. They were included in Essays, &c., iii. 978-86, and were first collected in P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 171-8.]

What is an Epigram? a dwarfish whole,
Its body brevity, and wit its soul.

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included in Poetical Register, 1802 (1803), ii. 253; and in The Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809. Cf. Wernicke's Beschaffenheit der Überschriften (i. e. The Nature of the epigram), Bk. I, No. 1.

'Dann lässt die Überschrift kein Leser aus der Acht,
Wenn in der Kürz' ihr Leib, die Seel' in Witz bestehet.'

41

Charles, grave or merry, at no lie would stick,
And taught at length his memory the same trick.
Believing thus what he so oft repeats,
He's brought the thing to such a pass, poor youth,
That now himself and no one else he cheats,
Save when unluckily he tells the truth.

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included in P. R. 1802, ii. 317, and The Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.

42

An evil spirit's on thee, friend! of late!
Ev'n from the hour thou cam'st to thy Estate.
Thy mirth all gone, thy kindness, thy discretion,
Th' estate hath prov'd to thee a most complete possession.
Shame, shame, old friend! would'st thou be truly best,
Be thy wealth's Lord, not slave! possessor not possess'd.

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included in P. R. 1802, ii. 317, and The Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.

43

Here lies the Devil—ask no other name.
Well—but you mean Lord——? Hush! we mean the same.

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included in P. R. 1802, ii. 363, and The Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.

44

TO ONE WHO PUBLISHED[964:1] IN PRINT

WHAT HAD BEEN ENTRUSTED TO HIM BY MY FIRESIDE

Two things hast thou made known to half the nation,
My secrets and my want of penetration:
For O! far more than all which thou hast penn'd
It shames me to have call'd a wretch, like thee, my friend!

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Adapted from Wernicke's Epigrams (Bk. I, No. 12), An einen falschen Freund. 'Weil ich mich dir vertraut, eh' ich dich recht gekennet.'

45

'Obscuri sub luce maligna.'—Virg.

Scarce any scandal, but has a handle;
In truth most falsehoods have their rise;
Truth first unlocks Pandora's box,
And out there fly a host of lies.
Malignant light, by cloudy night,
To precipices it decoys one!
One nectar-drop from Jove's own shop
Will flavour a whole cup of poison.

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802.

46

Old Harpy jeers at castles in the air,
And thanks his stars, whenever Edmund speaks,
That such a dupe as that is not his heir—
But know, old Harpy! that these fancy freaks,
Though vain and light, as floating gossamer,
Always amuse, and sometimes mend the heart:
A young man's idlest hopes are still his pleasures,
And fetch a higher price in Wisdom's mart
Than all the unenjoying Miser's treasures.

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included in P. R., 1802, ii. 868. Adapted from Wernicke, Bk. VII, No. 40, An einen Geizhals.

'Steht's einem Geizhals an auf Aelius zu schmähn
Weil er vergebens hofft auf was nicht kann geschehn?'

47

TO A VAIN YOUNG LADY

Didst thou think less of thy dear self
Far more would others think of thee!
Sweet Anne! the knowledge of thy wealth
Reduces thee to poverty.
Boon Nature gave wit, beauty, health,
On thee as on her darling pitching;
Couldst thou forget thou'rt thus enrich'd
That moment would'st thou become rich in!
And wert thou not so self-bewitch'd,
Sweet Anne! thou wert, indeed, bewitching.

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23 1802. Included in The Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.

48

A HINT TO PREMIERS AND FIRST CONSULS

FROM AN OLD TRAGEDY, VIZ. AGATHA TO KING ARCHELAUS

Three truths should make thee often think and pause;
The first is, that thou govern'st over men;
The second, that thy power is from the laws;
And this the third, that thou must die!—and then?—

First published in Morning Post, Sept. 27, 1802. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 992. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162.

49

From me, Aurelia! you desired
Your proper praise to know;
Well! you're the Fair by all admired—
Some twenty years ago.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 2, 1802.

50

FOR A HOUSE-DOG'S COLLAR

When thieves come, I bark: when gallants, I am still—
So perform both my Master's and Mistress's will.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 2, 1802. Included in The Friend (title, 'For a French House-Dog's Collar'), No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.

51

In vain I praise thee, Zoilus!
In vain thou rail'st at me!
Me no one credits, Zoilus!
And no one credits thee!

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 2, 1802. Adapted from a Latin Epigram 'In Zoilum,' by George Buchanan:

'Frustra ego te laudo, frustra
Me, Zoile, laedis;
Nemo mihi credit,
Zoile, nemo, tibi.'

52

EPITAPH ON A MERCENARY MISER

A poor benighted Pedlar knock'd
One night at Sell-all's door,
The same who saved old Sell-all's life—
'Twas but the year before!
And Sell-all rose and let him in,
Not utterly unwilling,
But first he bargain'd with the man,
And took his only shilling!
That night he dreamt he'd given away his pelf,
Walk'd in his sleep, and sleeping hung himself!
And now his soul and body rest below;
And here they say his punishment and fate is
To lie awake and every hour to know
How many people read his tombstone gratis.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 9, 1802.

53

A DIALOGUE BETWEEN AN AUTHOR AND HIS FRIEND

Author. Come; your opinion of my manuscript!

Friend. Dear Joe! I would almost as soon be whipt.

Author. But I will have it!

Friend. If it must be had—(hesitating)
You write so ill, I scarce could read the hand—

Author. A mere evasion!

Friend. And you spell so bad,
That what I read I could not understand.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.

54

Μωροσοφία OR WISDOM IN FOLLY

Tom Slothful talks, as slothful Tom beseems,
What he shall shortly gain and what be doing,
Then drops asleep, and so prolongs his dreams
And thus enjoys at once what half the world are wooing.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.

55

Each Bond-street buck conceits, unhappy elf!
He shews his clothes! Alas! he shews himself.
O that they knew, these overdrest self-lovers,
What hides the body oft the mind discovers.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.

56

FROM AN OLD GERMAN POET

That France has put us oft to rout
With powder, which ourselves found out;
And laughs at us for fools in print,
Of which our genius was the Mint;
All this I easily admit,
For we have genius, France has wit.
But 'tis too bad, that blind and mad
To Frenchmen's wives each travelling German goes,
Expands his manly vigour by their sides,
Becomes the father of his country's foes
And turns their warriors oft to parricides.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 11, 1802. Adapted from Wernicke's Epigrams (Bk. VIII, No. 4), Auf die Buhlerey der Deutschen in Frankreich.

'Dass Frankreich uns pflegt zu verwunden
Durch Pulver, welches wir erfunden.'

57

ON THE CURIOUS CIRCUMSTANCE,

THAT IN THE GERMAN LANGUAGE THE SUN IS FEMININE, AND
THE MOON IS MASCULINE

Our English poets, bad and good, agree
To make the Sun a male, the Moon a she.
He drives his dazzling diligence on high,
In verse, as constantly as in the sky;
And cheap as blackberries our sonnets shew
The Moon, Heaven's huntress, with her silver bow;
By which they'd teach us, if I guess aright,
Man rules the day, and woman rules the night.
In Germany, they just reverse the thing;
The Sun becomes a queen, the Moon a king.
[[969]] Now, that the Sun should represent the women,
The Moon the men, to me seem'd mighty humming;
And when I first read German, made me stare.
Surely it is not that the wives are there
As common as the Sun, to lord and loon,
And all their husbands hornéd as the Moon.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 11, 1802. Adapted from Wernicke's Epigrams (Bk. VII, No. 15), Die Sonne und der Mond.

'Die Sonn' heisst die, der Mond heisst der
In unsrer Sprach', und kommt daher,
Weil meist die Fraun wie die gemein,
Wie der gehörnt wir Männer sein.'

58

SPOTS IN THE SUN

My father confessor is strict and holy,
Mi Fili, still he cries, peccare noli.
And yet how oft I find the pious man
At Annette's door, the lovely courtesan!
Her soul's deformity the good man wins
And not her charms! he comes to hear her sins!
Good father! I would fain not do thee wrong;
But ah! I fear that they who oft and long
Stand gazing at the sun, to count each spot,
Must sometimes find the sun itself too hot.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.

59

When Surface talks of other people's worth
He has the weakest memory on earth!
And when his own good deeds he deigns to mention,
His memory still is no whit better grown;
But then he makes up for it, all will own,
By a prodigious talent of invention.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.

60

TO MY CANDLE

THE FAREWELL EPIGRAM

Good Candle, thou that with thy brother, Fire,
Art my best friend and comforter at night,
Just snuff'd, thou look'st as if thou didst desire
That I on thee an epigram should write.

[[970]] Dear Candle, burnt down to a finger-joint,
Thy own flame is an epigram of sight;
'Tis short, and pointed, and all over light,
Yet gives most light and burns the keenest at the point.

Valete et Plaudite.

First published in Morning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.

61

EPITAPH

ON HIMSELF

Here sleeps at length poor Col., and without screaming—
Who died as he had always lived, a-dreaming:
Shot dead, while sleeping, by the Gout within—
Alone, and all unknown, at E'nbro' in an Inn.

'Composed in my sleep for myself while dreaming that I was dying' . . . at the Black Bull, Edinburgh, Tuesday, Sept. 13, 1803. Sent in a letter to Thomas Wedgwood, Sept. 16, 1803. First published Cottle's Reminiscences, 1848, p. 467. First collected in 1893.

62

THE TASTE OF THE TIMES

Some whim or fancy pleases every eye;
For talents premature 'tis now the rage:
In Music how great Handel would have smil'd
T' have seen what crowds are raptur'd with a child!
A Garrick we have had in little Betty—
And now we're told we have a Pitt in Petty!
All must allow, since thus it is decreed,
He is a very petty Pitt indeed!

? 1806.

First printed (from an autograph MS.) by Mr. Bertram Dobell in the Athenæum, Jan. 9, 1904. Now collected for the first time.

63

ON PITT AND FOX

Britannia's boast, her glory and her pride,
Pitt in his Country's service lived and died:
At length resolv'd, like Pitt had done, to do,
For once to serve his Country, Fox died too!

First published by Mr. B. Dobell in the Athenæum, Jan. 6, 1904. This epigram belongs to the same MS. source as the preceding, 'On the Taste of the Times,' and may have been the composition of S. T. C.

In Fugitive Pieces (1806) (see P. W., 1898, i. 34) Byron published a reply 'for insertion in the Morning Chronicle to the following illiberal impromptu on the death of Mr. Fox, which appeared in the Morning Post [Sept. 26, 1806]:—

"Our Nation's Foes lament on Fox's death,
But bless the hour when Pitt resigned his breath:
These feelings wide let Sense and Truth unclue,
We give the palm where Justice points its due."'

I have little doubt that this 'illiberal impromptu' was published by S. T. C., who had just returned from Italy and was once more writing for the press. It is possible that he veiled his initials in the line, 'Let Sense and Truth unClue.'

64

An excellent adage commands that we should
Relate of the dead that alone which is good;
But of the great Lord who here lies in lead
We know nothing good but that he is dead.

First published in The Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 986. First collected in P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 178.

65

COMPARATIVE BREVITY OF GREEK AND ENGLISH

χρυσὸν ἀνὴρ εὑρὼν ἔλιπε βρόχον, αὐτὰρ ὁ χρυσὸν
ὅν λίπεν οὐχ εὑρὼν ἧψεν ὅν εὗρε βρόχον.

Jack finding gold left a rope on the ground:
Bill missing his gold used the rope which he found.

First published in Omniana, 1812, ii. 123. First collected in P. and D. W. 1877, ii. 374.

66

EPIGRAM ON THE SECRECY OF A CERTAIN LADY

'She's secret as the grave, allow!'
'I do; I cannot doubt it.
But 'tis a grave with tombstone on,
That tells you all about it.'

First published in The Courier, Jan. 3, 1814. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 986. Now collected for the first time.

67

MOTTO

FOR A TRANSPARENCY DESIGNED BY WASHINGTON ALLSTON AND EXHIBITED AT BRISTOL ON 'PROCLAMATION DAY'—June 29, 1814.

We've fought for Peace, and conquer'd it at last,
The rav'ning vulture's leg seems fetter'd fast!
Britons, rejoice! and yet be wary too:
The chain may break, the clipt wing sprout anew.

First published in Cottle's Early Recollections, 1836, ii. 145. First collected 1890.

ANOTHER VERSION

We've conquered us a Peace, like lads true metalled:
And Bankrupt Nap's accounts seem all now settled.

Ibid. ii. 145. First collected 1893.

68

Money, I've heard a wise man say,
Makes herself wings and flies away—
Ah! would she take it in her head
To make a pair for me instead.

First published (from an MS.) in 1893.

69

MODERN CRITICS

No private grudge they need, no personal spite,
The viva sectio is its own delight!
All enmity, all envy, they disclaim,
Disinterested thieves of our good name—
Cool, sober murderers of their neighbours' fame!

First published in Biog. Lit., 1817, ii. 118. First collected in P. W., 1885, ii. 363.

70

WRITTEN IN AN ALBUM

Parry seeks the Polar ridge,
Rhymes seeks S. T. Coleridge,
Author of Works, whereof—tho' not in Dutch—
The public little knows—the publisher too much.

First published in 1834.

71

TO A LADY WHO REQUESTED ME TO WRITE
A POEM UPON NOTHING

On nothing, Fanny, shall I write?
Shall I not one charm of thee indite?
The Muse is most unruly,
And vows to sing of what's more free,
More soft, more beautiful than thee;—
And that is Nothing, truly!

First published in the Gazette of Fashion, Feb. 22, 1822. Reprinted (by Mr. Bertram Dobell) in N. and Q., 10th Series, vol. vi, p. 145. Now collected for the first time.

72

SENTIMENTAL

The rose that blushes like the morn,
Bedecks the valleys low;
And so dost thou, sweet infant corn,
My Angelina's toe.

But on the rose there grows a thorn
That breeds disastrous woe;
And so dost thou, remorseless corn,
On Angelina's toe.

First published in Lit. Rem., i. 59. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 366.

73

So Mr. Baker heart did pluck—
And did a-courting go!
And Mr. Baker is a buck;
For why? he needs the doe.

First published in Letters, Conversations, &c., 1836, ii. 21. First collected in P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 373.

74

AUTHORS AND PUBLISHERS

'A heavy wit shall hang at every lord,'
So sung Dan Pope; but 'pon my word,
He was a story-teller,
Or else the times have altered quite;
For wits, or heavy, now, or light
Hang each by a bookseller.

S. T. C.

First published in News of Literature, Dec. 10, 1825. See Arch. Constable and his Literary Correspondents, 1873, iii. 482. First collected in 1893.

75

THE ALTERNATIVE

This way or that, ye Powers above me!
I of my grief were rid—
Did Enna either really love me,
Or cease to think she did.

First published in Lit. Rem., i. 59. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 987. First collected in P. W., 1885, ii. 364.

76

In Spain, that land of Monks and Apes,
The thing called Wine doth come from grapes,
But on the noble River Rhine,
The thing called Gripes doth come from Wine!

First published in Memoirs of C. M. Young, 1871, p. 221. First collected in 1893.

77

INSCRIPTION FOR A TIME-PIECE

Now! It is gone—Our brief hours travel post,
Each with its thought or deed, its Why or How:—
But know, each parting hour gives up a ghost
To dwell within thee—an eternal Now!

First published in Lit. Rem., i. 60. First collected in 1844.

78

ON THE MOST VERACIOUS ANECDOTIST, AND
SMALL-TALK MAN, THOMAS HILL, ESQ.[974:1]

Tom Hill, who laughs at Cares and Woes,
As nauci—nili—pili—
What is he like, as I suppose?
Why, to be sure, a Rose—a Rose.
At least, no soul that Tom Hill knows
Could e'er recall a Li-ly.

Now first published from an MS.

79

Nothing speaks our mind so well
As to speak Nothing. Come then, tell
Thy Mind in Tears, whoe'er thou be
That ow'st a name to Misery:
None can fluency deny
To Tears, the Language of the Eye.

Now first published from an MS. in the British Museum.

80

EPITAPH OF THE PRESENT YEAR ON THE
MONUMENT OF THOMAS FULLER

A Lutheran stout, I hold for Goose-and-Gaundry
Both the Pope's Limbo and his fiery Laundry:
No wit e'er saw I in Original Sin,
And no Sin find I in Original Wit;
But if I'm all in the wrong, and, Grin for Grin,
Scorch'd Souls must pay for each too lucky hit,—
Oh, Fuller! much I fear, so vast thy debt,
Thou art not out of Purgatory yet;
Tho' one, eight, three and three this year is reckon'd,
And thou, I think, didst die sub Charles the Second.

Nov. 28, 1833.

Now first published from an MS.

FOOTNOTES:

[951:1] A great, perhaps the greater, number of Coleridge's Epigrams are adaptations from the German of Wernicke, Lessing, and other less known epigrammatists. They were sent to the Morning Post and other periodicals to supply the needs of the moment, and with the rarest exceptions they were deliberately excluded from the collected editions of his poetical works which received his own sanction, and were published in his lifetime. Collected for the first time by Mrs. H. N. Coleridge and reprinted in the third volume of Essays on His Own Times (1850), they have been included, with additions and omissions, in P. and D. W., 1877-1880, P. W., 1885, P. W., 1890, and the Illustrated Edition of Coleridge's Poems, issued in 1907. The adaptations from the German were written and first published between 1799 and 1802. Of the earlier and later epigrams the greater number are original. Four epigrams were published anonymously in The Watchman, in April, 1796. Seventeen epigrams, of which twelve are by Coleridge, two by Southey, and three by Tobin, were published anonymously in the Annual Anthology of 1800. Between January 2, 1798, and October 11, 1802 Coleridge contributed at least thirty-eight epigrams to the Morning Post. Most of these epigrams appeared under the well-known signature ΕΣΤΗΣΕ. Six epigrams, of which five had been published in the Morning Post, were included in The Friend (No. 11, Oct. 26, 1809). Finally, Coleridge contributed six epigrams to the Keepsake, of which four had been published in the Morning Post, and one in the Annual Anthology. Epigrams were altogether excluded from Sibylline Leaves and from the three-volume editions of 1828 and 1829; but in 1834 the rule was relaxed and six epigrams were allowed to appear. Two of these, In An Album ('Parry seeks the Polar Ridge') and On an Insignificant (''Tis Cypher lies beneath this Crust') were published for the first time.

For the discovery of the German originals of some twenty epigrams, now for the first time noted and verified, I am indebted to the generous assistance of Dr. Hermann Georg Fiedler, Taylorian Professor of the German Language and Literature at Oxford, and of my friend Miss Katharine Schlesinger.

[953:1] N.B. Bad in itself, and, as Bob Allen used to say of his puns, looks damned ugly upon paper.

[954:1] Lines 3, 4, with the heading 'On an Insignificant,' were written by S. T. C. in Southey's copy of the Omniana of 1812 [see nos. 9, 11]. See P. W., 1885, ii. 402, Note.

[961:1] The antithesis was, perhaps, borrowed from an Epigram entitled 'Posthumous Fame', included in Elegant Extracts, ii. 260.

If on his spacious marble we rely,
Pity a worth like his should ever die!
If credit to his real life we give,
Pity a wretch like him should ever live.

[962:1] The first and second versions are included in Essays, &c., 1850, iii. 976: the third version was first published in 1893.

In 1830 Coleridge re-wrote (he did not publish) the second version as an Epitaph on Hazlitt. The following apologetic note was affixed:—

'With a sadness at heart, and an earnest hope grounded on his misanthropic sadness, when I first knew him in his twentieth or twenty-first year, that a something existed in his bodily organism that in the sight of the All-Merciful lessened his responsibility, and the moral imputation of his acts and feelings.' MS.

[964:1] The 'One who published' was, perhaps, Charles Lloyd, in his novel, Edmund Oliver, 2 vols. 1798. Compare the following Epigram of Prior's:—

To John I ow'd great obligation,
But John unhappily thought fit
To publish it to all the nation:
Sure John and I are more than quit.

[974:1] Extempore, in reply to a question of Mr. Theodore Hook's—'Look at him, and say what you think: Is not he like a Rose?'