ACT THE FOURTH.
Enter Mr. Pincers, and Barber, and Constable.
Pin. How do you say, sir? All this is a delusion! an imposition!
Barb. Perfectly so, sir; no otherwise, indeed, sir; and they have seized Mr. Constable there, my neighbour, who came into the house to keep the peace, when they were waging war in it.
Pin. What, lay hold upon a constable! detain the constable! Do they know what they do?
Barb. Ay, they know very well; but they don't care what they do.
Pin. And was the ghost a cheat, and calling this an inn all imposition?
Barb. Yes, sir; but here Mr. Constable has found below stairs an inlet into the house, and whence he can let in all the people of Drury Lane and the parts adjacent.
Pin. I have heard of Drury Lane in the country; but they will do as well as any for this purpose.
Barb. That is most excellent good luck; we will swing them for false imprisonment, and that of so great an officer as a constable.
Constable. But, sir, I want a warrant to do what I would on this occasion.
Pin. There need none, sir; you have the law, which will uphold you in it; the recovery of your liberty, and my liberty, as well as that of the barber, will support you. There is in your person the liberty of every man in England. As you are a constable concerned, I am a lawyer. I'll stand by you, I warrant you. But let's be silent before you bring in the posse. Take these deeds in your care and custody. [Giving him deeds.] Observe, Mr. Barber, I deliver them to him; and now let us go, or him go, and let in his people. [Exit Constable.] What a prodigious villainy was here, Mr. Barber! I placed such a confidence in this Mr. Severn, and took counsel with him for the disposal of my niece, and thus he has served me; but I have put my deeds relating to her into the constable's hand; and if he can let his posse into the house, I'll warrant you we will recover all.
[A noise of people:—"Beat down the doors; deliver the lady.">[
Barb. Hark, hark! he has got them in, I warrant ye the posse is raised; I'll warrant we shall have the whole city and country on our side.
Pin. The whole matter is, how to conduct it legally. Let me be but of the council, and we will knock them all o' the head, and not transgress the law at all; we will murder the dogs, I would say the rogues. Why, what is there in it? they are no people, they are nobody in law; and if they are no people, to kill them is to kill nobody; for to fire at fera natura, creatures by nature wild—those animals are lawful game, and any man that has so much a year may kill them; so, Mr. Barber, any man may fire upon these fellows; these stage-players, who are no persons, have no right in themselves; and therefore any man may kill them.
[A noise without:—"Deliver the lady; give her to her guardian; give her to her uncle.">[
Barb. They are just a-coming in; I know the neighbourhood and the constable; you shall direct us all.
Pin. Nay, I'll warrant you all shall be safely and legally done.
[Enter a crowd of people.]
Rabble. Where is the gentleman? where is the gentleman?
Barb. Here he is, gentlemen; and the players have taken his niece from him; and, for aught we know, they have ravished her; but, let it be so or no, we'll indict them for it. Harkee, Mr. Pincers, will an indictment for a rape lie in Drury Lane?
Pin. Lookee, gentlemen, we will fall upon them for taking her and her clothes; and then afterwards come upon them for the body, as we shall see cause; but we must find this body before we can do anything.
Barb. We will bear all down before us but we will find her. Down with all their sham heavens, their counterfeit seas; down with their false unsafe lands; down with their windmills and their dragons; burn their barns; and when we have got the lady, fire the house.—Come, follow the gentleman.
All. Ay, ay.
Pin. Huzza, huzza!
All. Huzza, huzza! [Dog barks.
1st Rabble. Don't mind their great dog; he barks a sham. He is no true dog. Unkennel the dog within. Harkee, neighbour, keep up your dogs—keep your dogs. Halloo, halloo!
2nd Rabble. Keep your dogs, gentlemen butchers; keep the dogs to charge their house. I'll warrant we'll spoil their battling, and rioting and fighting, and decoying all our daughters and nieces to see sights, and never mind their business. Ho! the lady, the lady—we'll have the lady.
Barb. We'll make this young lady as famous as Helen of Troy was. We'll burn all before us for her sake. Come, let us hunt, let's see what's about this house in all its parts—halloo, hunt.
Pin. Let the constable march first; there's our safety, that's our security.—Take notice, I declare before all this company, it is in defence of this honest——