Luma the Illustrious
The following "wake" I arose early, since there were many things to keep me busy. First of all, I carefully prepared a speech and wrote a letter, which I secreted in my pocket for use later in the day; next I resumed my disguise, with the amber spectacles, the gray-dyed hair, and the chalk-colored face; and then, taking care not to be seen, I made my way to the side-gallery containing the rusty old wheel that controlled the country's ventilation. There I waited, watch in hand, and at precisely the promised minute, I gave a turn to the wheel, and was instantly rewarded by feeling an invigorating breeze.
Now, hastily, I made my way in a "scootscoot" toward Thuno Flâtum's palace, where I was expected an hour and a quarter later. Gathering a hundred ventilating employees about me, and ordering them to keep closely at my side, I acquired a bodyguard suitable for the royal position I hoped to assume; and, with these surrounding me, I hastened to keep my appointment.
As we sped through the various corridors, I noticed that the air was again in motion, that the heavy depressing atmosphere of the past few days was already being dissipated. And the people, observing the change, were crowding out of their homes in throngs, shouting and screaming at the tops of their lungs, "The ventilation! The ventilation! The ventilation has been restored!"—while in their jubilant excitement, they waved banners and blew horns and beat drums and distributed showers of little colored paper like confetti—behaved generally like school children at a festival.
Drawing near the Dictator's palace, we were impeded by the multitudes who came forth to greet us, shouting and gesticulating and executing little whirling dances to show their pleasure. All along the galleries they flaunted flags and placards bearing curious inscriptions: "Our kingdom for a breath!"—"We demand our daily air!"—"Air for all classes!"—"By air, and air only, shall we be ruled!"—"Where the ventilation fails, the people perish!" and—last, but not least—one that I may translate freely as follows, "Who steals my purse steals trash, but he who filches from me my good air has left me poor indeed!"
It was with difficulty that I made my way through the long gallery to Thuno Flâtum's throne-room, for the crowds, recognizing me by the amber glasses, insisted in pressing all about us. Only the protective screen of a hundred attendants saved me from being crushed to death or torn limb from limb in the people's eagerness to catch a glimpse of me and show their appreciation.
At length, however, I did reach the throne-room, where the guards acknowledged my presence by bowing till their palms scraped the floor, in the established fashion. As befitted a superior, I seemed not to notice their salutations, but strode at a slow and stately pace toward the center of the hall, and then, while thousands watched me in gaping amazement, I mounted the raised platform of red sandstone, and stood on the throne of the Dictator.
As I reached this regal eminence, suddenly someone waved his hands furiously and broke into cheers; and the multitude, accepting this as their signal, echoed the cries in a roar of acclaim that did not die down for many minutes.
It was long before, by flinging both arms high in air and shouting, I was able to bring order to the gathering and to launch forth upon the speech I had prepared.
"Fellow citizens of the First, Second, and Third Classes," I began, "this is indeed an auspicious occasion. For the first time in more than three wakes, we can all breathe freely again. At great cost of personal sacrifice and labor, I have found a way to turn on the ventilation—"
At this point another salvo of cheers broke forth, combined with a pandemonium of stamping feet, by which my hearers sought to emphasize their applause.
"At great cost of personal sacrifice and labor," I resumed, "I have saved you all, my fellow citizens. For this service I claim no personal reward, for the satisfaction of rescuing my countrymen will always be sufficient compensation. However, I have a message to deliver. It is from your Dictator, his Excellency, Thuno Flâtum."
The throng had all at once become silent; several thousand pairs of eyes and ears strained forward eagerly, intently, while, with a flourish, I removed a silver-sealed document from an inner pocket.
"Here is a letter from Thuno Flâtum," I declared, well knowing that the people, being unable to see clearly close at hand, would have no way of detecting the falsehood. "Before I read it, let me introduce myself by the name which our beloved Dictator has always applied to me. I am called Luma the Illustrious."
"Luma the Illustrious! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah for Luma the Illustrious!" thundered the mob, while hundreds bowed in token of obeisance. "Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!" And from the rear of the hall there came a flaunting of green and vermilion banners, in testimony to the patriotic significance of the occasion.
"Now listen carefully to the words of Thuno Flâtum!" I shouted, unfolding the letter I myself had written a few hours before.
And when the crowd had once more grown silent, I read in sonorous tones:
"To His Highness, Luma the Illustrious
"Greetings and heartiest regards
"Since my poor health makes it necessary for me to renounce the duties of State for a time, I wish that you, Your Highness, would rule in my place during my absence. I am confident that it would be impossible to find any one more competent than your eminent self. During my absence, the people must grant you the same unquestioning respect and obedience they would accord to myself.
"Faithfully your servant,
THUNO FLÂTUM,
Prime Dictator and High Chief Potentate of Wu."
For a moment, as I folded the document back into my pocket, a thunderstricken silence possessed the people. Then all at once they broke into such an uproar as I had never heard before. "Long live Luma! Long live Luma! Long live Luma the Illustrious!" They cheered and yelled, while writhing and leaping and stamping and dancing in irrepressible glee. "Long live Luma! Long live Luma the Illustrious!" My ruse had succeeded even beyond my expectations!
Now, as never before, I realized the advantages of thoughtlessness. My hearers, being all Second and Third Class citizens, had been so thoroughly trained in this creed that it had never occurred to them to question my assertions. Already I had resolved that, as Dictator, I would make thoughtlessness compulsory.
But alas for my high hopes! Just as I was mentally congratulating myself on my success, there occurred an event that seemed likely to undo all I had accomplished. The audience had scarcely ceased shouting "Long live Luma! Long live Luma! Long live Luma the Illustrious!" when a commotion arose at the corner nearest the entrance, and I could see the guards swaying back and forth, as if to throw out some troublesome intruder.
"What is it, men? What is it?" I shouted, indiscreetly, not in the least suspecting the source of the disturbance.
Momentarily the commotion ceased, while the husky voice of one of the guards shouted back.
"Your Abysmal Excellency, what shall I do? There is a man here who claims to be Thuno Flâtum!"
At these words, I was as near to heart failure as I ever hope to be. Momentarily a mist passed before my eyes, and I felt myself quivering and clutching at an iron railing for support. Then, as the attack of vertigo passed, I could see how the crowd, awed by the magic words "Thuno Flâtum," had made way near the source of the commotion, leaving a figure to wheel toward me on a "scootscoot," accompanied by half a dozen attendants.
How well I recognized that shrivelled form, with the bald head, the toothless mouth, the ear-pieces and eye-pieces, the nose-tubes and the megaphone! His royal garments were, it is true, a little frayed and damaged; the purple crest upon his head was torn and bedraggled, the green and saffron of his uniform was soiled with muddy blotches, and the string of huge rubies no longer dangled about his neck. Nevertheless, I had seen enough of the Dictator to identify him even in his present shabby plight!
"Your Abysmal Excellency, this man claims to be Thuno Flâtum!" repeated one of the guards, as the figure on the "scootscoot" drew to within a few yards of the sandstone platform.
"Thuno Flâtum! Thuno Flâtum! He claims to be Thuno Flâtum!" I could hear the mob echoing in surprise.
"I am Thuno Flâtum!" avowed the intruder with an angry squeak through the megaphone. "I am Thuno Flâtum!"
In that crucial fraction of a second, while all the world seemed to reel about me, I realized that in an instant I might come crashing down from my new-won eminence! I must act quickly—else all was lost!
I do not know what it was that, in that desperate emergency, put the saving thought into my mind. But my brain was working with the fury of fever, and somehow, goaded by terror, I leapt at the one means of salvation.
"Seize that man! Seize him! Seize him!" I cried, pointing to the newcomer with a swift imitation of anger. "It is a penal offense to impersonate the Dictator!"
"It is a penal offense, a penal offense to impersonate the Dictator!" echoed the multitude.
"But I am not impersonating the Dictator! I am Thuno Flâtum! I am Thuno Flâtum!" insisted the puny figure on the "scootscoot," while his thin right arm shook in my direction in impotent wrath.
"Look at him! Just look at him! He claims to be Thuno Flâtum!" I howled, with a sudden pretense at laughter; and rocked back and forth in feigned mirth. "When did Thuno Flâtum ever wear soiled saffron? When did he appear without the royal rubies? Guards, seize the impostor!"
"Look at him! Look at him! Just look at him! When did Thuno Flâtum ever wear soiled saffron?" yelled the mob, roaring with me in amusement more genuine than my own.
At the same time, the heavy arms of a guard closed about the feeble, resisting figure.
"But I am, I am Thuno Flâtum!" he wailed for the last time. "It is you, you who are the impostor! Only listen, only listen—"
At this, he was greeted with louder laughter than ever, and the thunders of public merriment drowned out his words. Luckily for me, he was hidden from the sight of the majority; while those close at hand could not see him clearly enough for recognition.
"Guards, place him in a cell!" I shouted, when the peals of mirth had begun to subside. "He is a dangerous madman! We will keep him locked up until—until Thuno Flâtum returns!"
As a corps of guards disappeared down a side-passage with the manacled Dictator and his attendants, the crowd burst once more into cheers, "Long live Luma! Long live Luma! Long live Luma the Illustrious!"