THE YOUNG WIFE AND MOTHERHOOD.
In a previous place we have spoken of the importance of industry and activity as important elements in a young wife, and as essential in securing success for the family, happiness in the home, and bodily health and vigor for the wife. An idle woman is always an unhappy woman, and she eventually succeeds in making every one unhappy about her. Her household duties are no misfortune, but a blessing.
But there is also another side to the question. Unthoughtful husbands do not always appreciate the magnitude of the duties which fall to the successful homemaker and homekeeper. Her duties are legion. We do not now speak of the wives who live in affluence, who never need to regard expense, who have only to indicate their wish in order to have it executed; but of the great multitude of wives and mothers who preside in the homes of the great middle class and of those who struggle with the economies and duties in homes of small means. The young husband should appreciate the fact that if the beautiful poetry which adorns the tombstones in our cemeteries could be translated into truthful prose they would tell of the thousands of martyrs to mending, sewing, baking, scrubbing—they would tell that the weapons by which hundreds of these housekeepers were slain were the broom, the sewing-machine, the cradle and the ladle. The Thirty Years' War was not so severe or so prolonged as the warfare which is waged from early morning till late at night by the great army of industrious wives, busy mothers and anxious homekeepers. If the boy has lost his book or the girl her bonnet, mother must help to find it. If the baby coughs or cries at night the father sleeps on oblivious of the fact, but the infant cannot stir without being heard by its anxious and attentive mother. If sickness compels, she bends in anxious vigils over the little life that lies in the cradle. If the breadwinner is brought home sick, it matters not how manifold the duties of the mother, no trained nurse can take the place of the wife at the bedside. In health and in sickness, in prosperity and adversity, during the day and at night, the wife and the mother finds herself the centre of duties, and very often of exactions.
In the demands which a young husband makes upon the young wife he should remember what are her duties and requirements during the day, in the home, in the church, in society, in the community; he should remember that physically she is the weaker vessel, that even when in her best physical condition sexual inclination is largely dormant, and when she is weary and worn she deserves to be treated with more than usual thoughtfulness and consideration.
Whatever demands the young husband makes upon his wife, whether as his helper or the participant of his joys, he should remember that even from the low standpoint of selfish interest and personal pleasure he wrongs himself, in addition to being unjust and oftentimes cruel to his wife, when he fails to take into consideration her physical condition and manifold duties.
If the young husband and wife desire to be permanently happy they dare not ignore the special purpose for which God instituted marriage. While marriage has other purposes, yet the great final purpose is the raising up of a family and the perpetuation of the human race. The injunction which God gave to Noah, when he said, "Be ye fruitful and multiply, bringing forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein," is to-day, and ever will be, in force. Among the Israelites barrenness was regarded as one of the greatest of misfortunes. In many instances it was regarded as a cause of personal shame, and even of dishonor. When Hannah went up to the Temple and prayed for a son she was only giving expression to the longings and desires which filled the heart of every barren Israelitish woman who had entered into the sacred bonds of marriage, and when God promised Abraham and Sarah that their seed should be in multitude as the stars in the heavens they regarded themselves as the recipients of one of the greatest blessings which God could bestow.
The same is true in India, where the people are polygamists in theory, but seldom in practice, except when the first wife is childless. The family must not be left without a priest, or the parents without descendants; therefore the husband is permitted by law to take two, or even more, wives, in order that he may raise up children unto himself.
If marriage was instituted for the good of the man and the woman who enter into this sacred relation, their highest good cannot be attained in this relation until their union is blessed with children. It has been aptly said that the man needs the woman and the woman needs the man, and both need the children. The obligation to have children is not only enjoined in the Scriptures, but written in the physical, social and moral constitution of man and woman. This law is "rooted in the unconscious law of life which bids us perpetuate our kind; which guards over the conservation of life." "Love looks to marriage and marriage to offspring as a natural sequence." Any entering into the bond of marriage with the resolved purpose of avoiding the begetting and the bearing of children constitutes a union which accepts lust in the place of love, and converts the honorable estate of marriage into a form of legalized prostitution.
An earnest writer aptly says: "I must counsel husbands and wives to cherish the hope of becoming parents, and to let their hearts stand in a holy attitude in this respect. You should allow neither moderate income, financial pressure, sensual pleasure, nor evil forebodings, to cause you to entertain unholy thoughts or induce you to engage in criminal proceedings in this matter. No child should be considered an unwelcome intruder in the home. The heart of the home is the cradle; it is the cementing tie between husband and wife. God intends that husbands and wives should become parents; and no pure woman nor honorable man will enter upon matrimony with intentions to the contrary. If they do, God will visit upon them degraded morals, ruined health, financial loss, or other terrible inflictions. The world has millions of faithful wives and mothers, but there are thousands of childless wives who are so because they entered into that black crime of conspiring with the devil to prevent them from being mothers. They regard children as an unmitigated nuisance, and consequently darken, blast and damn their own lives with an act of murder. On the other hand, God blesses the mothers, in that he prolongs their days and brings up their children to reflect glory and honor upon them."
Dr. Guernsey says: "The object of marriage is the ultimation of that love which brings the two together and binds them together in the procreation and rearing of children for heaven. This is the only true aim and sole object about which every earthly desire, interest and plan of the married pair should cluster. No greater crime in the sight of heaven exists to-day than that of preventing the natural use of marriage. This is done in a great variety of ways, every one of which is criminal, in whatever form practiced; and none will escape the penalty—no, not one. Nature's laws are inexorable; every transgression, therefore, is surely punished, even at the climacteric period, if not before. The questions of failing health, or physical inability, or too frequent conceptions are matters for the investigation, advice and decision of an experienced, judicious and upright physician. They should never be taken in hand and judged upon by the parties themselves. And to the objection 'Can't afford to have children—they cost too much,' I have faith enough to reply, 'Our heavenly Father never sends more mouths than he can feed.' Let each one do his and her duty in life, and this cavil falls to the ground—which, when spilled, cannot be gathered up.
"Good people everywhere rejoice when they behold a married couple living together in an orderly manner and rearing a large family of children. How often is Queen Victoria held up as a pattern of excellence in this respect. She accepted and acknowledged Prince Albert as her husband and gave herself to him as his wife; and so indeed she was in every sense of the term. Although a queen, sitting on the pinnacle of power, she did not seek to avoid the pangs, the dangers or inconveniences of bearing children. By her own personal strength her twelve children were brought forth, and her own sensitive fibres and tissues felt the suffering. She nursed, caressed and loved them like a good mother, and she was a royal mother! Other kings and queens have done likewise; other husbands and wives, high in power, wealth and fashion, have done and are still doing the same. And how much the less should we, in the humbler walks of life, obey the divine command, 'Be fruitful and multiply'? If a husband truly loves his wife, and if she truly loves him, they will live for each other and in each other, and they will be one; and they will seek to do right in every particular of their marital relation."
We believe that every thoughtful man and considerate husband will concede that motherhood may not justly or properly be forced upon a resisting wife. That many wives do refuse to bear children, no well-informed person can deny. Sometimes the reasons assigned are unworthy of womanhood, base and ignoble. At other times the reasons assigned by the wife are worthy of the most thoughtful consideration. But whether the reasons which the wife entertains are honorable or dishonorable, correct or criminal, it must nevertheless be acknowledged that she is a free moral agent, and if she assumes the responsibility of declining one of the main purposes for which marriage was instituted she must herself bear the responsibility. To designedly inflict conception upon an unwilling and resisting wife the husband makes himself guilty of great injustice, invades the personal rights of his wife as an individual, and is guilty of a great wrong.
Where a wife is unwilling to become a mother, the best way for a husband to move her mind properly in this matter is to bring her under the influence of such books and teachings as will help her to understand her duty and obligation in this matter; help her to see that this is one of the great purposes for which marriage is instituted, and that where childbearing is intentionally and persistently evaded it becomes a crime against man and against God.
Many wives are not willing to consent to become mothers because they are unwilling to give up society; they prefer to live for the rounds of fashionable life. With others there is a dread of childbearing. This is not so common in brides or newly-married women; but with many, after they have given birth to one child they are unwilling ever to consent to a similar struggle. Had these young wives been made intelligent by their mothers, and been properly instructed upon these subjects before marriage, and lived according to the laws of hygiene and health during the period preceding the birth of their child, their experience might have been very different, and they would never have had the dread which comes to so many. There are good books upon this subject, and those who live hygienically and properly will find the terrors of childbearing greatly mitigated; indeed, they may be almost wholly alleviated. There are those who contend that childbearing may be rendered practically painless, and those who desire information upon this subject would do well to read the book entitled "Maternity Without Suffering," which is worth many times its cost.[A]
There are other women who dread the care and rearing of children, and there are still others whose aversion to childbearing is wholly due to their false ideas of life. To us, one of the saddest sights is a woman with a pronounced God-given mother-instinct who is unwilling to bear children, or, if she is the mother of children, is not willing to care for them, but thrusts them from her, committing them wholly to nurses and attendants, and then allows the mother-instinct to find its expression in petting a cat or mothering a dog.
No married woman should refuse to become a mother because of its perils. Statistics go to show that more unmarried women between the ages of twenty and forty-five die than of married women. God designed woman for motherhood, fitted her for its physical requirements, and her largest happiness, best health, greatest usefulness and longest life is attained by conformity to this divine purpose. Among the greatest sufferers in this world are the large numbers of those who have sought to defeat the purposes of God and have brought upon themselves untold misery. Obedience brings blessing. It is not only the end, but "the way of the transgressor" that is hard.
Parenthood is also essential to the rounding out of the moral nature. That which is noblest and best in woman's nature is awakened and quickened when for the first time is folded to her breast a new life which is a part of herself. The child will teach her to be unselfish, to live for the happiness and well-being of another. Its government and discipline will awaken in her mind the principles which she desires to instil into the mind of her child, and as she gathers her little ones about her, tells them of God and heaven, and teaches them to lisp their infant prayer, her religious nature will attain unto a perfection and beauty which would not be possible under any other earthly influence.
The thoughtful and judicious wife also recognizes the fact that the presence of children in the home will exert an influence over the father which will refine, benefit and bless as no other influence on earth can. The little ones that reach out their hands in dependence toward him will inspire him to energy and effort in a higher, holier and nobler way than could ever be done by any commercial consideration. The noblest and most considerate manifestations of the father nature can in no other way be called into so full and beautiful an exercise as by the presence of children in the home. If the love for his children and the desire for their well-being and blessing do not teach him larger lessons of self-denial than he has ever known before, he will demonstrate that he is incapable of feeling the influence of the most potent incentive which God has permitted to come into human lives.
But the children will have an effect not only upon the parents individually, but they will bless both by drawing the husband and wife into a closer bond of sympathy and affection than would be possible under any other conditions. It has aptly been said that children are golden links that bind the husband and wife in a bond of closest endearment. They also serve as a buffer to break the jars of family life. These little ones awaken the best qualities in the natures of both parents. They enlarge and round out those qualities which would otherwise remain dwarfed and prematurely die. They afford a purpose in life for the father and mother, such as can be found in no other object upon earth.
In the study of their own children parents have an opportunity to learn human nature as they can learn it nowhere else. When their children are old enough they will criticise, suggest, and often help the parents to correct faults which would otherwise go unnoted and which could be properly criticised by no one else. It is the absence of this help which children bring into the home which oftentimes renders childless married people more faulty than others who have the advantage of such help. In times of trouble and trial the children will be prepared to comfort and sustain their parents. In times of sickness they will come with their sympathy and assistance, and when advancing years and the infirmities of age come they will be prepared to comfort and sustain their parents, and in their declining years afford them a refuge and a home, and when death comes they will shed the tear of sympathy and over their graves will plant the flowers that shall bloom in beauty and fragrance.
That the mother-instinct exists in the hearts of infants is early seen in the desire upon the part of little girls to mother their dolls, whether they have been purchased at great cost or are made of a few old clothes rolled up into the shape of a rag-baby. Where a stranger is uncertain about the sex of a child it can usually be pretty certainly determined by asking whether they prefer a doll or a horse.
It would be wrong, however, to suppose, because the little boy manifests the preference for a horse, that therefore he will never be interested in children. The pleasures and satisfactions of parenthood are as great to the father as to the mother, and while there is a difference between the mother-nature and the father-nature, yet, because of the terribly perverting influences of modern society, the desire for children is often stronger in the husband than in the wife. Where the natures of both are as God intended, sterility and barrenness would be alike a great disappointment for either. The desire for children is natural both to men and women, and in the home, as in universal nature, unfruitfulness and barrenness are a great misfortune.
About one marriage in eight or ten is usually barren of children. In the animal kingdom, and among insects especially, an abundance of food is indispensable to a rapid increase of numbers by reproduction. In the human family the question of food as it stands related to the question of reproduction is an important one. If the food is insufficient, either in quantity or quality, to maintain good physical conditions, or if it is too abundant or too rich, a tendency to sterility and barrenness is alike the result. Illustrations are not wanting of persons who, possessing large wealth and allowing themselves great indulgence in eating, became fat and corpulent and remained childless, but when financial reverses came their corpulence departed with their wealth, and they became the parents of children.
While the question of food is very important, it is not the only cause of barrenness. Sterility may be due to excessive sexuality in the marriage relation, or it may be due to such ante-nuptial indulgence of the husband as has resulted in a depleted condition of the reproductive organs. Sometimes it is due to apathy on the part of the wife, and at other times, although less frequent, it may be the result upon her part of too intense pleasure during coition.
It may also be due to abnormal conditions produced by tampering with the reproductive function. In some instances there is a lack of such physiological compatibility as is necessary to result in conception. Instances are not wanting where barrenness has existed and the subsequent remarriage of both parties have demonstrated that neither were personally sterile, but that unitedly they were physiologically incompatible.
Barrenness is oftentimes the result of displacement of the womb or other unfavorable conditions in the female. It would be wrong, however, to suppose that the difficulty may not rest wholly with the husband. Even where a man seems in good bodily vigor and enjoys excellent health, the sperm may be devoid of those characteristics which are essential to the production of life. This condition can only be determined by a competent physician with the aid of the microscope and other means. It is also asserted by reliable medical authority that miscarriage may take place so early after conception that the wife may never suspect the real condition, but imagine herself sterile.
The cause of the barrenness of not a few women is clearly traceable to the fact that because of the impure life of the husband, either before or after marriage, he contracted gonorrhœa, and although at the time he may have thought it a small matter, and soon regarded himself as entirely cured, this terrible disease left its trace behind it, and perhaps two or three years afterward, when he entered the marriage relation, he imparted the hidden remnants of this disease to his innocent and unsuspecting wife, and in whom, perchance, the real disease has never been recognized at all, but the inflammation which it caused extended from the vagina to the womb, and then out through the tubes to the ovaries, and the delicate organs of reproduction were so injured as to result in permanent barrenness.
The cure for barrenness is found in remedying the cause. To discover what that cause is often requires the consultation and advice of a thoroughly competent physician, and to arrive at the most reliable conclusion a physical examination of the wife or the husband, or of both, may be necessary.
Where no means have been used to prevent conception, and the young wife has remained childless for a period of three years, there is adequate ground for a reasonable fear that causes exist, either in the husband or in the wife, which are likely to result in permanent sterility, and then no time should be lost to discover and remove the cause or causes.
The earlier years of married life are usually more fruitful than the years later on. Even where marriage is contracted after twenty-five years of age, the tendency towards sterility is easily perceptible. Marriage, either at too early or too late a period, tends to barrenness. Upon the part of the female the years from eighteen to twenty-four are likely to be the best years for marriage and maternity. Sometimes there is barrenness for a period of years, and this is followed by a period of quite frequent childbearing.
Barrenness may frequently be remedied by the exercise of great care upon the part of both the husband and the wife in the matter of diet and proper physical exercise. Sometimes a period of separation, varying from a few weeks to several months, is necessary to effect such physical changes as are requisite to the desired result. Single beds and separate apartments are sometimes essential, not only in order to secure conception, but to protect the beginnings of life from such disturbing influences as tend to produce the abnormal ejection of the embryo from its place of retention and growth in the womb.
[A] "Maternity Without Suffering," by Dr. Emma F. A. Drake. Cloth binding. Price fifty cents. Published by the Vir Publishing Company.