Act III.
(Enter Alderman Mallen and Capt. Frank.)
Frank.—He is said to be a mighty smart man, but I think we can take him.
Ald. M.—Well, if we can't no one else need try.
(Enter Punch, singing.)
For I am one of the olden time,
And may be thought too gay,
Like Jersey Sam the Farmer's man,
Hurrah! hurrah! hurra.
Frank.—Leave off your singing, Mr. Punch, for we have come to make you sing on the other side of your mouth.
Punch.—Well sir, who are you?
Frank.—Don't you know me?
Punch.—Never saw you before.
Frank.—That is all gammon: I know you well enough; I had a pretty hard fight with you once.
Punch.—I always like a man better after I have fought with him. Who sent you here?
Ald. M.—You are wanted at the Mayor's office. Col. Wood says you once killed a Policeman in Chicago.
Punch.—No body cares for that. I won't go.
Frank.—Besides, you killed the Doctor's servant, black Joe.
Punch.—He killed me.
Ald. M.—How can that be?
Punch.—I was dancing by myself and the fellow came up behind me and knocked me down—if you don't believe it, I can show you how it was done.
Ald. M.—Well, for one, I should like to see about how it was done.
(Punch hits him a heavy blow on the side of his head and suddenly makes his exit.)
(The Alderman and the Constable conceal themselves behind the curtains and remain on the watch for their enemy.)
Ald. M.—I say Frank, he is a tricky old fellow.
Frank.—Yes, one wants to be on his guard. He is as quick as lightning, but we must take him—cost what it may, and we have got to do it before he reaches the engine house, on the corner of 10th and Filbert street, the firemen are all friendly to him—so are the children of the city.
Ald. M.—I'll take him if I have to summon the whole of the Fourth Ward.
(Punch is heard from below; the parties quickly conceal themselves behind the curtain and await his approach. Enter Punch singing.)
Charley Buff has money enough,
Charley Buff lives over the shore,
And when he dies he'll close his eyes and never see money more.
(At this part of the play the Alderman and the Policeman spring up behind him and after a hard struggle they pin him in a corner, and finally carry him off, while he lustily calls out, "Help! murder!" etc. End of Scene I.)
SCENE II.—The curtain rises at the back of the stage, and discovers Punch in Prison.
(Jack Ketch enters with a gallows on his shoulders. He fixes it on the platform of the stage, and exits.)
Punch.—There goes a hang-dog looking fellow whom they doubtless keep to feed hogs—the fellow's face resembles a side of sole leather, with a slit in it which he calls a mouth.
(Enter the Constable. He examines the Gibbet and exits.)
Punch.—There goes the man that stole the butcher's dog.
(Enter two men with a coffin—they set it down on the platform and exit.)
Punch.—Hello, there goes two scoundrels—body snatchers. What grave have they been robbing?
(Re-enter Jack Ketch.) Jack Ketch.—Now, Mr. Punch, you may come out.
(Punch walks out.) Punch.—Jack, what have you got on your face?
J. K.—I wear a mask because I am the public executioner. It was my ancestor who cut off the head of Ann Bowlin, Catherine Howard, Lady Jane Gray and Mary, Queen of Scots, and now I am going to execute you—for killing the Dr.'s servant.
Punch.—No you don't, if you do I'll be hanged.
J. K.—Why did you kill old Joe?
Punch.—In self defence.
J. K.—Punch that won't do—you are too tough to live.
Punch.—Jack, the old devil will never get all that is due him, until he gets you in his bony arms.
J. K.—That's all bosh: your time is nearly up. I want you to put your head into this halter and I'll give you the best swing you ever had.
Punch.—Jack, if my head was in that rope, I would not take it out, but, as it is out, I'll never put it in.
J. K.—Mr. Punch, be a good fellow—you are a considerable burden to me and I want to get the load off my hands; oblige me by being hung, here is the noose, just put your head in here.
Punch.—Through that place there? (Pointing to the noose.) I don't know how.
J. K.—It is very easy: only put your head in that loop,—here,—take the noose.
Punch.—What so? (Poking his head on one side of the noose then on the other side.)
J. K.—Not so, you fool.
Punch.—Mind, who you call fool: try if you can do it yourself: only show me how it can be done—old pestilence and I'll try.
J. K.—Very well; I will, you see my head and you see this loop. Put it in, so. (Putting his head through the noose.)
Punch.—And pull it tight, so! (He pulls the body forcibly down, and hangs Jack Ketch.) Huzza! huzza! (Punch takes down the corpse and places it in the coffin. Enter two men who remove the gallows and then carry away the coffin containing the body of Jack Ketch and exit.)
Punch.—There they go; they think they have got me in that coffin. (He sings)
Let the wild world wag as it will
I'll be merry merry still.
Jack Ketch is dead and I am free
I don't care if old Nick himself should come for me.
(During his singing he beats time with his stick.)
I am the man to manage them all,
Here's a stick to thump old Nick,
If ever he pays me a call.
(Enter the Devil. Peeps in at the corner, and exit.)
Punch.—(Much frightened, and retreating as far as he can.) Oh dear! oh Lord! What is that? That's old Nick, sure enough. (The Devil comes forward. Punch stands on the defensive.)
Punch.—Keep off, Mr. Devil. (The Devil advances) Look out for your eyes. (The Devil darts at Punch, who escapes and aims a blow at him: the Devil eludes it, as well as many other blows which Punch aims at him, laying his head on the platform, and slipping it rapidly backward and forward, so that Punch instead of striking him, only repeatedly hits the boards. Exit Devil.)
Punch.—He, he, he! (laughing.) He is off: He who runs away will live to fight another day.
(A noise in the background is heard.)
(Punch alarmed by hearing a strange, whirring noise, like that made by a spinning-wheel, retreats to the corner of the stage.)
(Re-enter the Devil, with a stick. He makes up to Punch, who retreats round the back of the stage, and they stand eyeing one another and fensing at opposite sides. At last the Devil makes a blow at Punch which tells on the back of his head.)
Punch.—Take care of my head! What is that for? Old boy, can't we be friends. (The Devil hits him again. Punch now begins to be angry.) Well, if you won't be a friend, we will be enemies, now, old Devil. I take the chances in this contest, your head or mine, we must try which is the best man Punch or the Devil.
(Here commences a terrific combat between the Devil and Punch.Compared with which the fight between the French and the Prussians, if you leave out the guns, was more than boy play. In the beginning, Punch has much the worst of it; but, at length succeeds in planting several heavy blows in the small of the Devil's back. This weakens the old Father of evil, and towards the conclusion Punch drives his enemy before him. The Devil stunned by repeated blows, falls down, when Punch kills him; and putting him on his shoulder carries him round, exclaiming,) Huzza! huzza! the Devil's dead.
