SCENE IV
LONDON. A CLUB IN ST. JAMES’S STREET
[A winter midnight. Two members are conversing by the fire, and
others are seen lolling in the background, some of them snoring.]
FIRST MEMBER
I learn from a private letter that it was carried out in the
Emperor’s Cabinet at the Tuileries—just off the throne-room, where
they all assembled in the evening,—Boney and the wife of his bosom
[In pure white muslin from head to foot, they say], the Kings and
Queens of Holland, Whestphalia, and Naples, the Princess Pauline,
and one or two more; the officials present being Cambacérès the
Chancellor, and Count Regnaud. Quite a small party. It was over
in minutes—short and sweet, like a donkey’s gallop.
SECOND MEMBER
Anything but sweet for her. How did she stand it?
FIRST MEMBER
Serenely, I believe, while the Emperor was making his speech
renouncing her; but when it came to her turn to say she renounced
him she began sobbing mightily, and was so completely choked up that
she couldn’t get out a word.
SECOND MEMBER
Poor old dame! I pity her, by God; though she had a rattling good
spell while it lasted.
FIRST MEMBER
They say he was a bit upset, too, at sight of her tears But I
dare vow that was put on. Fancy Boney caring a curse what a woman
feels. She had learnt her speech by heart, but that did not help
her: Regnaud had to finish it for her, the ditch that overturned
her being where she was made to say that she no longer preserved
any hope of having children, and that she was pleased to show her
attachment by enabling him to obtain them by another woman. She
was led off fainting. A turning of the tables, considering how
madly jealous she used to make him by her flirtations!
[Enter a third member.]
SECOND MEMBER
How is the debate going? Still braying the Government in a mortar?
THIRD MEMBER
They are. Though one thing every body admits: young Peel has
made a wonderful first speech in seconding the address. There
has been nothing like it since Pitt. He spoke rousingly of
Austria’s misfortunes—went on about Spain, of course, showing
that we must still go on supporting her, winding up with a
brilliant peroration about—what were the words—“the fiery eyes
of the British soldier!”—Oh, well: it was all learnt before-hand,
of course.
SECOND MEMBER
I wish I had gone down. But the wind soon blew the other way.
THIRD MEMBER
Then Gower rapped out his amendment. That was good, too, by God.
SECOND MEMBER
Well, the war must go on. And that being the general conviction
this censure and that censure are only so many blank cartridges.
THIRD MEMBER
Blank? Damn me, were they! Gower’s was a palpable hit when he said
that Parliament had placed unheard-of resources in the hands of the
Ministers last year, to make this year’s results to the country
worse than if they had been afforded no resources at all. Every
single enterprise of theirs had been a beggarly failure.
SECOND MEMBER
Anybody could have said it, come to that.
THIRD MEMBER
Yes, because it is so true. However, when he began to lay on with
such rhetoric as “the treasures of the nation lavished in wasteful
thoughtlessness,”—“thousands of our troops sacrificed wantonly in
pestilential swamps of Walcheren,” and gave the details we know so
well, Ministers wriggled a good one, though ’twas no news to ’em.
Castlereagh kept on starting forward as if he were going to jump up
and interrupt, taking the strictures entirely as a personal affront.
[Enter a fourth member.]
SEVERAL MEMBERS
Who’s speaking now?
FOURTH MEMBER
I don’t know. I have heard nobody later than Ward.
SECOND MEMBER
The fact is that, as Whitbread said to me to-day, the materials for
condemnation are so prodigious that we can scarce marshal them into
argument. We are just able to pour ’em out one upon t’other.
THIRD MEMBER
Ward said, with the blandest air in the world: “Censure? Do his
Majesty’s Ministers expect censure? Not a bit. They are going
about asking in tremulous tones if anybody has heard when their
impeachment is going to begin.”
SEVERAL MEMBERS
Haw—haw—haw!
THIRD MEMBER
Then he made another point. After enumerating our frightful
failures—Spain, Walcheren, and the rest—he said: “But Ministers
have not failed in everything. No; in one thing they have been
strikingly successful. They have been successful in their attack
upon Copenhagen—because it was directed against an ally!” Mighty
fine, wasn’t it?
SECOND MEMBER
How did Castlereagh stomach that?
THIRD MEMBER
He replied then. Donning his air of injured innocence he proved the
honesty of his intentions—no doubt truly enough. But when he came
to Walcheren nothing could be done. The case was hopeless, and he
knew it, and foundered. However, at the division, when he saw what
a majority was going out on his side he was as frisky as a child.
Canning’s speech was grave, with bits of shiny ornament stuck on—
like the brass nails on a coffin, Sheridan says.
[Fifth and sixth members stagger in, arm-and-arm.]
FIFTH MEMBER
The ’vision is—-’jority of ninety-six againsht—Gov’ment—I mean—
againsht us. Which is it—hey? [To his companion.]
SIXTH MEMBER
Damn majority of—damn ninety-six—against damn amendment! [They
sink down on a sofa.]
SECOND MEMBER
Gad, I didn’t expect the figure would have been quite so high!
THIRD MEMBER
The one conviction is that the war in the Peninsula is to go on, and
as we are all agreed upon that, what the hell does it matter what
their majority was?
[Enter SHERIDAN. They all look inquiringly.]
SHERIDAN
Have ye heard the latest?
SECOND MEMBER
Ninety-six against us.
SHERIDAN
O no-that’s ancient history. I’d forgot it.
THIRD MEMBER
A revolution, because Ministers are not impeached and hanged?
SHERIDAN
That’s in contemplation, when we’ve got their confessions. But what
I meant was from over the water—it is a deuced sight more serious
to us than a debate and division that are only like the Liturgy on
a Sunday—known beforehand to all the congregation. Why, Bonaparte
is going to marry Austria forthwith—the Emperor’s daughter Maria
Louisa.
THIRD MEMBER
The Lord look down! Our late respected crony of Austria! Why, in
this very night’s debate they have been talking about the laudable
principles we have been acting upon in affording assistance to the
Emperor Francis in his struggle against the violence and ambition
of France!
SECOND MEMBER
Boney safe on that side, what may not befall!
THIRD MEMBER
We had better make it up with him, and shake hands all round.
SECOND MEMBER
Shake heads seems most natural in the case. O House of Hapsburg,
how hast thou fallen!
[Enter WHITBREAD, LORD HUTCHINSON, LORD GEORGE CAVENDISH, GEORGE
PONSONBY, WINDHAM, LORD GREY, BARING, ELLIOT, and other members,
some drunk. The conversation becomes animated and noisy; several
move off to the card-room, and the scene closes.]