MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS FOR OUR GREAT MIDDLE CLASS AS WELL AS OUR BEST SOCIETY
Correspondence, Cards and Introductions, Dress for Different Occasions,
Weddings, Christenings, Funerals, Etc.,
Social Functions, Dinners, Luncheons.
Gifts, "Showers," Calls, and
Hundreds of Other Essential
Subjects so Vital to Culture and Refinement of Men,
Women, School-Girls and Boys at Home and in Public.
By MRS. ELIZABETH JOHNSTONE
"The small courtesies sweeten life, the greater ennoble it."
The social code which we call etiquette is no senseless formula. It has a meaning and a purpose. It is the expression of good manners, and good manners have been rightly called the minor morals. This is true in the sense that they are the expression of the innate kindness and good will that sum up what we call good breeding. As to its importance, Sir Walter Scott once said that a man might with more impunity be guilty of an actual breach of good morals than appear ignorant of the points of etiquette.
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Every social custom has a foundation established by usage as a recognition of social needs, and intended to prevent rudeness and confusion; intended also to make polite society polite. We must conform, according to our circle, to social conventions as thus established, since they are the ripened results of long and varied experience in what is most suitable and becoming. Not to observe them is to advertise our ignorance and expose ourselves to criticism.
Importance of Knowledge.—That the importance of a knowledge of social customs is widely felt is proved by the pathetic letters addressed to the editors of women's magazines and departments, asking for information to enlighten ignorance. Such letters range from the naive inquiry of the unsophisticated girl as to whether it is "proper" to allow her "gentleman friend" to kiss her good night, up to the plaint of the novice who doesn't know how to make her spoons and forks come out even at a dinner-party. Here in America, where circumstances may lift a family from poverty and obscurity to wealth, with a position to win in a few brief years, the first great anxiety of those not "to the manor born" is to learn how to comport themselves in their new situation, and educate their children in correct behavior.
Good manners are a necessary equipment of both men and women. In many circles, success is impossible without such equipment. An agreeable manner, a knowledge of what to do and when to do it, is indispensable to the woman in society, and any man who meets other men in a business way will willingly bear testimony to the reluctance with which he approaches the gruff, brusque man, whose manners are patterned after those of Ursa Major. The man whose manners are agreeable may be as ugly as Caliban, yet please everybody.
Moreover, there is no weapon so effective against the rude and ill-mannered as a calm politeness—a courtesy which marks the person who can practise it as superior to the one who cannot. For one's own peace of mind, one should learn the art of good manners.
A Matter of Habit.—Manners, like everything else in life, must be learned by rule, the only possible exception being in the case of those who have been brought up in what we call our best society, where what to do and how to dress and behave have been matters of habit from earliest childhood. When once the rules of etiquette are firmly fixed, they become instinctive and are obeyed unconsciously. The individual then has "good manners." No one can be easy and graceful who must stop to think how to do things. Familiarity with form breeds ease and grace of manner. Therefore those who would be letter perfect must practise the rules of good form at all times and places. Manners cannot be put on and off like a garment. Moreover, as has just been said, the politeness that comes of such observance is the best possible armor against the rudeness or boorishness of the ignorant and untrained.
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Many books on etiquette are written, most of which are intended for those in fashionable society who have a number of servants and entertain both extensively and expensively. Other writers take too much for granted; they presuppose a knowledge of the subject which the novice who needs instruction does not possess. This department is intended for those who desire to add to their knowledge of social forms, who do not wish to appear ignorant and awkward, and who, in a more limited social sphere, still wish to entertain properly and pleasantly, and comport themselves in correct form.