WEDDING PREPARATIONS.
The Expense of a Wedding.—It may be said at the outset that no wedding should be more costly than the financial standing of the bride's family warrants. If the bridegroom's family is wealthy, and that of the bride in very moderate circumstances, there will be many to intimate that the bridegroom "put up for it." The intimation is a sneer, because the bride's family should pay all the expenses of a wedding. If the expense is manifestly beyond the resources of the bride's father, society lifts its eyebrows.
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Of course her wedding is the one pageant in which the girl is the central figure—the admired of all beholders. It is quite natural for her to wish it to be beautiful, to look lovely herself, and not to go empty-handed to her husband. But no sensible girl will have a grand wedding if its cost will put her father in debt. If Mary's music lessons must be intermitted, or John's entrance into college postponed because of her trousseau and her wedding, she should assume some of the sacrifice herself and be content with a more modest outfit and a simple ceremony. Thousands of thoughtless girls leave their families to recover slowly from the financial strain of their wedding. It is selfish and inconsiderate for a girl to say, "You will never have to do it again for me," or "I shall be no further expense to you." That may be true, but it is no justification.
Nor is it permissible for the bridegroom to furnish any part of the bride's trousseau. If she is poor, and is to marry into wealth, good taste and public opinion counsel her to confine her wedding preparations to what she or her family can pay for. Let her make ready a simple wedding dress and going-away gown, or be married in the latter, and take with her to her new home only her under linen and the treasured keepsakes of her maiden days. As soon as she is wife, her husband may lavish silks and laces and furs upon her, but not before.
The Bride's Privileges.—It is the province of the bride to name the wedding day, subject of course to the insistence of her fiance, who will urge an early date. She decides whether her wedding shall be formal or informal, at church or at home. She chooses the clergyman who shall perform the ceremony, the bridegroom notifying him of her desire. Her family issues—and pays for—the wedding invitations and announcement cards. It is customary to ask the bridegroom to make out a list of those of his relatives and friends to whom he wishes these sent. The bride names her attendants, decides upon their number and if a bridal procession is contemplated, consults with them as to their gowns and the accessories. Here she is in duty bound to consider the expense to be incurred by those invited to take part in the affair, unless she is prepared to pay for their gowns herself; this however is seldom done. If she desires her attendants to wear some particular adornment which will be of no use to them afterwards, as a fancy muff or boa, she should pay for it herself. She may endeavor to arrange with her dressmaker to make their gowns if she can obtain a reduction on account of their being made alike, or the large order placed. To be invited to serve as bridesmaid is often an expensive compliment, as it usually involves a new gown and hat, the latter always being worn at a church wedding.
If the bride decides to have but one attendant, the latter is usually styled her maid-of-honor, and may be her sister or her most intimate friend. If she has more than one maid she should include the bridegroom's sister, if he has one. If a matron-of-honor is to participate, she should be a friend or sister of the bride who has been recently wedded. The bridesmaids are chosen from her unmarried friends.
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Who Pays?—The question is often asked, "Who pays, for" this, that or the other item.
The bridegroom provides the marriage certificate, the wedding ring, pays the clergyman, and for the carriage in which he drives away with the bride. He sends a gift and the bouquet to the bride; usually gives gifts of jewelry to the bridesmaids and the best man, and often includes the ushers.
The bride's family pays for the wedding cards, pays the florist and the caterer, the expense of opening the church and the service of the sexton; the music, carriages for the bridal party, in short, the bills are for the family to pay. Where a wedding is very elaborate, the details are sometimes turned over to a "manager," who sees to everything, and receives a fat fee for his services.
The Wedding Gown.—Choice of a wedding gown depends upon the style of the wedding. At a church wedding it is as handsome as the bride can afford. Any girl is excusable for wishing her wedding to be "an occasion," and her bridal attire as beautiful as possible. White is suitable, and there are so many fabrics in that color that all purses can be accommodated. The gown may be of satin, crepe de chine, messaline, lace or chiffon, or of simple white organdie; all are appropriate for a church wedding. With any of these a veil should be worn. Two and a half yards of tulle will be sufficient; other accessories are white kid gloves, white slippers and white silk hose, if white is worn. White is suitable for the most elaborate church wedding and for the simplest ceremony at home. The gown is made en train, as a rule; always so for a church wedding, and always with high neck and long sleeves.
A bride may elect to be married in a traveling dress. For this some pretty light color, as light gray, champagne, tan or biscuit color is chosen. A hat must be worn with such a costume, and for a young bride is by preference trimmed with flowers. It is correct to carry flowers—not a shower bouquet, however—with such a gown, which is to be changed for a plainer one for actual travel. For this dark blue, brown, or gray are suitable colors; gloves match, and the hat is inconspicuously trimmed. It is the bride's greatest desire not to look "just married."
Later Wear of the Wedding Gown.—The wedding gown is worn at the more formal of the post-nuptial entertainments. The trousseau should include an evening dress and wrap. For the former, black lace, chiffon cloth or net will prove the most serviceable, and almost universally becoming. A traveling gown, a handsome suit for visiting, receptions, etc., a pretty gown for receiving at home, and several house gowns will be needed. Kimonas, bath-robes, dressing-jackets, are included in the less ornamental parts of the trousseau.
A girl often invites her intimate friends to inspect her wedding finery, rejoicing in their admiration. The privilege of such a view is highly valued.
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Bridal Flowers.—Orange flowers are reserved for the bride, and she never wears any other in her hair, at least no other that are artificial. She may carry any flowers, she prefers; the florists make all seasons alike. Often an order is given months in advance for the bride's favorite flower to grace her wedding, and the florist forces it to bloom at the appointed time. White roses and carnations can be had at almost any season; sweet peas, white lilacs, lilies of the valley, are less easy to procure. The "shower bouquet" has many narrow white satin ribbons falling from it to the foot of the skirt, and knotted at intervals round flower sprays.
The rarest of bridal flowers are the orchids, so costly that only the rich may have them, though a few orchids, two or three, are sometimes put with lilies of the valley, or Roman hyacinths, intermixed with stephanotis or stevia, for the bridal bouquet. Bridesmaids may carry large clusters of flowers tied with ribbons, the flowers suiting their costumes. Or, if they all wear white, American Beauties may be chosen. The usual preference is for flowers in more delicate hues.
The Widow's Bridal Attire.—A widow does not wear white at her second wedding, nor a veil, nor does she have bridesmaids. Her usual choice is to be married in a handsome traveling gown of some light color, wearing hat and gloves to match. The material may be silk or broadcloth for a church wedding. She wears her wedding ring up to the day of her second marriage. Though she may have no bridesmaids she may have a matron-of-honor, some married friend, who wears a street or reception dress, with suitable hat and gloves.
A woman who has entered her fourth decade does not, as a rule, wear white when married.
It is no longer customary for a woman to go into semi-retirement preceding her marriage. She does not parade herself; no lady would do that, but she accepts invitations and appears at all the fetes planned for her up to the wedding day. As a result, she is often very tired and fagged before the event.
The Man's Wedding Garments.—One of the most frequent inquiries made of the editors of women's departments in magazines relates to the proper attire for the bridegroom. "When is it correct to wear a dress suit?" and "What should the bridegroom wear at a day wedding?"
"The dress suit," so called, is the man's evening clothes. Naturally, then, he will not don his evening attire until evening—after or for a six o'clock dinner,' This should dispose of the question of "the dress suit." For a man to wear evening clothes at a noon wedding would be as absurd as for a woman to appear in a ball dress at that hour.
For a day wedding a man wears a black frock coat and gray trousers; his waistcoat may match the coat or be of white duck or marseilles, white shirt with standing collar, and tie of the fashionable cut in pearl gray or soft white silk. Pearl-colored kid gloves are worn, and a silk hat. The overcoat is black. A boutonniere of white flowers is usually worn.
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The above is the correct dress for best man and ushers at a day wedding, in church or at home.
For a formal evening wedding, full evening dress is worn by bridegroom, best man and ushers. The suit is of fine black worsted, silk faced as to the coat. The waistcoat may be of the same material, or white duck or marseilles may be worn. A fine white linen shirt with standing collar, and pearl or white enamel studs, white lawn tie, white or pearl-gray kid gloves stitched in the same color, and patent leather pumps complete the attire. A black overcoat, single breasted, and silk hat are the additions for out-of-door wear.
The Bride's Mother.—The bride's mother wears a handsome reception dress. Black with much jet and lace, pearl gray, mauve and lavender are favorite colors for her. White gloves are worn. Mourning attire should never be seen at a wedding. If the bride's mother, or any of the family, are in mourning, it must be laid aside for the occasion. Black may be worn, but it must be lightened with white lace, jet, or other accessories that will take it out of the conventional garb of grief. Guests of course gown themselves handsomely.