WEEK-END VISITS.
The "house-party," as the week-end visit is now often styled, is a comparatively recent addition to social entertainments. It is a fashion imported from England, and a very good one. It is the "from Saturday to Monday" visit, and so universally recognized that during the summer extra trolley cars and railroad trains are in use to convey resorters and their guests to summer homes in the country.
Invitations to a house-party are given several weeks in advance, and great care should be taken to invite those who are congenial and will "mix well," since where a few are thrown together congeniality is absolutely essential to success. The invitations are informal; the length of the visit definitely fixed; even the train by which the visitor is expected to arrive and leave is mentioned, that there may be no misunderstanding.
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The Invitation.—One may write to her friend: "Won't you give us the pleasure of entertaining you from Friday afternoon to Monday? The 3:45 train will bring you here in time for tea. There is to be a musical in the evening; an automobile ride is planned for Saturday afternoon, to show you the beauties of our vicinity, and there is to be the usual Saturday evening dance at the hotel. A train leaves here at 10:30 Monday morning, which will take you back to the city in ample time for lunch. Hoping to have the happiness of seeing you on Friday, I am," etc., etc.
This not only suggests to your friend at what time she is expected to arrive and depart, but gives her an idea of what she should bring with her in the way of clothes. One should always take her prettiest gowns that will be suitable to the entertainments proposed for her pleasure—for a hostess naturally wishes to have her guests make a good appearance. From four to six is the number generally asked to a small house-party, since the usual summer cottage has few guest rooms. The guests are, if possible, evenly divided as to sex, and a hostess may, with perfect propriety, arrange that the men of the party shall be lodged at a hotel, coming over to breakfast with their entertainer.
Amusements.—Some amusements are always provided for the visitors at a house-party. Often a dinner-party is planned for Sunday, in which several other guests are included. Men who cannot leave business for even a week-end often come out Sunday for a dinner and a breath of country air. Now that automobiles are as plenty as black-berries the railroad train can be ignored. Young people living in the country should take advantage of this method of entertaining their city friends, who will find the change delightful in summer, and will gladly reciprocate by inviting them to the city during the social season. Remember that a hearty hospitality, a sincere joy in seeing your friends, and the fresh milk, eggs and fruits you can offer will do much toward counterbalancing your lack of "city conveniences."
The Hostess's Arrangements.—The hostess should arrange to have the guests met at the station. She will naturally try to have them arrive by the same train, is possible; but she must see that their baggage arrives at the house nearly as soon as they do, that they may at once remove the soil of travel and dress for the evening meal. She may or she may not meet them at the station, according to her own convenience, but she must be ready to receive them when they arrive at the home. If the journey has been long, a cup of tea may be offered; otherwise they are at once shown to their rooms. The hostess does this for her women guests, the host or a servant for the men.
If a visitor is so unfortunate as to miss her train she should immediately telegraph or telephone her hostess, explaining the accident, and saying she will arrange to have herself conveyed from the station to the house on her arrival by a later train. Of course, the hostess will not permit this, but will send some vehicle to meet the next train.
The matter of guest rooms and their conveniences, proper furnishings, etc., will be taken up in a later section.
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What Is Expected of Guests.—One does not invite guests to make them uncomfortable, therefore it is best not to expect them to rise for an early breakfast. If they are expected to present themselves, as late an hour as possible should be named. But they may be served with coffee, rolls, fruit and any other easily prepared breakfast dish whenever they please to arise, being given to understand that a substantial breakfast is the price of the extra "forty winks." Guests at a house-party are expected to entertain themselves, among themselves, to a considerable extent. They may walk, or row, or play croquet or tennis, or read or gossip or play cards, while the hostess attends to her domestic duties. If the party is large, or if but one or no servants are kept, the women should quietly attend to their own rooms, making up the bed and picking up their own belongings. Whether they may do this or not depends upon circumstances of which they must judge.
The most enjoyable house-parties are given in these roomy old houses with broad verandas, surrounded with lawn and garden. But this need not deter those having less delightful surroundings from offering their best to their friends. It is not so much the elegance of what we offer as the manner in which it is offered that makes our friends remember their visit with pleasure.
Dress at Week-End Visits.—Women wear a simple tailored suit while traveling, with white waist or silk skirt to match. If the weather is warm, white duck, pique or linen skirts with white shirts are worn mornings; afternoons, foulard, or some of the fine and dainty fabrics suited to the season. For evening, nothing is prettier than white for the young—and, indeed, "everybody wears white." By change of accessories, the same white gown may be made to do for the two evenings. If an automobile trip is part of the entertainment, one should take an ulster or long loose coat and veil.
The woman's greatest trouble is to carry a second hat—something she may need under some circumstances, though the fashion of going bareheaded helps considerably. But if the entertainment includes a garden party, a tea or reception, she must have a hat. The trunk is uncalled for, and the suitcase is disobliging. What shall she do?
Her best plan will be to have a becoming shape covered with black tulle or malines, and a made bow attached to it to travel in. On arrival, she will detach the bow and pin on a couple of plumes, an aigrette, or flowers, converting it into a dress hat.
Men's Wear.—The man wears the ordinary business suit for travelling, sack or cutaway. He wears in the country in the morning a suit of flannel, tweed or cheviot, a straw hat and tan shoes. His shirt may be of striped madras or linen, with a white collar. The cutaway coat is correct for ordinary afternoon wear, with a white waistcoat, white shirt and four-in-hand tie. This takes the place in summer of the frock coat, which is the formal day wear. He will seldom, if ever, have occasion for a dress suit at a week-end visit in summer. Of course, the size of the party and the gayeties in which one will participate have a bearing on the dress question, but the tendency is for men's dress to be more comfortable and less formal in summer, especially in the country.
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THE DUTIES OF A HOSTESS.
The woman who is entertaining guests must remember two things: that she must not neglect them, and that she must not tire them out with too much attention. There is a "happy mean" to be attained, which is the climax of pleasure and comfort to both.
One woman makes her visitor feel that "the domestic veal" has been slaughtered in her behalf. The usual manner of living and habits of life have been put aside that she may be "entertained." Elaborate meals are planned; there is a straining after hospitality which defeats its own purpose and makes the visitor uncomfortable, because the hostess has so manifestly incommoded herself. The fussy hostess puts too much endeavor into her entertainment.
On the other hand, there is the hostess who announces her intention of regarding her visitor as "one of the family," "making no fuss" on account of her being in the house. This sounds much better than it works out in actual practice. Unless we are prepared to modify our routine in accordance with our friend's pleasure and convenience, at least to some extent, we should not invite her. We do not ask people to our houses to make them more uncomfortable than they would be at home. A visit is in the nature of a holiday, or vacation, to the visitor; we are to see to it that she is deferred to and efforts made to please her.
The Visitor's Comfort.—It is hospitable to consult her tastes in the matter of food. It is uncomfortable for both hostess and guest if the principal dish at dinner is something the latter dislikes. Nor should we ask her to conform to the family breakfast hour if we know she is unaccustomed to early hours, or is very much fatigued. In that case it is best to say that the early breakfast is a family necessity and that she will not be expected to appear at it, but may have her coffee and toast in her own room or down stairs at the hour at which she wishes to rise. This, though it may necessitate the preparation of a tray to be sent up, is really a convenience to the hostess, who is then left free to attend to her domestic duties. As some one has said, "It is not hospitality to ask a guest to your rooftree and expect her to find sufficient delight in being there and doing as you do." Very often she would be far more comfortable at home, physically at least. Remember your object in inviting people is to make them happy. Unless you are willing to make some sacrifices to do this, do not invite them.
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Preparing for Company.—An expected guest should always be met at the station by some member of the family. The guest room should be in readiness, closet and bureau drawers vacated for her use. The bed should be freshly made up, the bedding having been properly aired. It would seem that no one would offer a visitor a bed that has not been changed and aired after having been slept in, yet guests, exchanging experiences, acknowledge it has been done—let us hope through inadvertence, though it is really inexcusable.
There should be plenty of fresh towels and water; a fresh cake of soap, a candlestick and matches, and a waste paper basket. On the dressing-bureau there should be a spotless spread, a pincushion well stocked with pins, hand mirror, comb and brush. The guest will bring her own, but may need to use these before her luggage arrives. The brush and comb should have been washed after a previous using.
A lounge, preferably placed at the foot of the bed if there is room; a light quilt or blanket for use upon it; an easy chair, and a clock in good working order are desirable furnishings. Writing materials should be provided. Some careful and painstaking hostesses include a small writing desk, well stocked with paper, pens and ink, postage stamps, even picture postal cards already stamped and ready to be addressed. A new magazine and a few books, and a little basket containing thimble, needles, scissors and several spools of cotton complete the conveniences arranged for the guest. A potted plant, or a few flowers in a vase, give a personal touch that bespeaks the hostess's solicitude for the pleasure of her friend.
There is no more delicious flattery than that of having one's personal tastes remembered and recognized.
The Visitor's Entertainment.—The entertainment of a guest is, of course, dependent on the hostess's means, mode of life, social standing, the season of the year, and whether one lives in town or in the country.
She will ask some of her friends to call on her guest; she will give a little entertainment for her, at cards, or a tea, or a reception, according to circumstances. No doubt her friends will include her visitor in their invitations during her stay. She will take her friend to see the sights of her home city if she is a stranger; she may give a theatre party, or at least take her friend several times. She will pay her guest's carfare, unless the other anticipates her, and pay for the theatre tickets. It will be perfectly correct for the guest to "stand treat" by inviting her host and hostess to accompany her to concert or play, paying for the seats herself.
The Hostess's Invitations.—It often happens that a hostess has invitations not extended to her visitor. She may have accepted; before her guest's arrival, an invitation to dinner, card party or luncheon. In neither of these may she ask to have her guests included. They are formal functions for which arrangements are made long in advance. She may say to an intimate friend who is giving a musical or an "At home" or any informal affair, that she has a visitor staying with her, and the friend will no doubt extend an invitation to the latter. It is proper for host and hostess to accept invitations in which a guest is not included if they make some provision for her pleasure during their absence.
She may be asked to invite some friend to dine with her, or someone provided to take her to the theatre. Nor has she a right to feel affronted at being left at home.
One thing must be carefully avoided, the hostess must not let her guest feel, for one moment, that she is the cause of inconvenience or trouble. Even if she is, the fact must be sedulously concealed. Bear with the annoyance until the visit ceases; then do not invite her again. It is the hostess's privilege to invite; having invited she must not allow her equanimity to be disturbed.
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THE OBLIGATIONS OF A GUEST.
If it is the duty of the hostess to be attentive to the comfort of her guest, there is quite as much obligation resting on the guest to show a disposition to be pleased and to make herself agreeable. Some women—young girls more particularly—seem to think too much cannot be done for their entertainment. They make themselves burdensome by their wish to have "something doing" all the time. The visitor who conveys the impression that she is neglected unless some festivity is in the immediate future easily becomes tiresome.
The guest should accommodate herself to the ways of the family. Especially should she be punctual at meals and ready on time when going out with her friends. Her host may acquire a dislike to her if she keeps him waiting. She should always be neatly dressed, never appearing at the breakfast table in kimona or dressing-jacket if men will be present. She should respect the privileges of the host, not occupying his easy chair, appropriating the newspaper or the best position round the lamp. She should give as little trouble as possible and be especially careful about scattering her belongings about the house. This particularly applies to young girls, who are apt to be careless in this respect. It annoys a hostess to find Missy's rubbers kicked off in the hall, her hat on the piano, and a half eaten box of candy on the parlor sofa.
About Being Thoughtful.—She should be careful to avoid injury to any of her hostess' pretty things or her furnishings. The story is told of a girl who, conducted to her hostess's beautiful guest room, furnished with the utmost daintiness in white, threw her umbrella and dusty coat on the spotless counterpane, exclaiming: "What a lovely room!" It was not lovely when she left it. The wall was defaced by marks made by scratching matches; the bureau scarf was blackened by the curling-iron; there were ink spots on the hemstitched sheets where she had written letters in bed, and something that would not come out was spilled on the table cover. It does not show that you are accustomed to nice things to be so negligent and careless; it shows you are not accustomed to them and do not know how to treat them; and it makes you a visitor the hostess is glad to get rid of, and never invites again.
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The guest, young or old, should take herself out of the way part of the time; she shouldn't be always in evidence. Let her go to her own room and write letters, read, or take her work out of doors; in other words, show an ability to entertain herself which releases her hostess from that responsibility for the time being. This is much better than having one's friend in one's constant presence.
Outside Acquaintance.—If one is staying with a friend and has other acquaintances in the same place she will naturally expect them to call on her. If her callers are strangers to her hostess, they should ask for her. The hostess may see them or ask to be excused with equal propriety. The guest is at liberty to accept outside invitations which do not include her hostess, but should always consult her in reference to them. She has no right to invite any of her friends to a meal without first mentioning her wish to her hostess and securing a cordial acquiescence. She must not make a convenience of her friend's house, and if a girl or young woman, she must not receive there any man or woman of whom her parents disapprove. This is disloyal to them, and an imposition upon her hostess.
Other Points to Observe.—If a visitor can play, sing, recite, tell stories, or in any way contribute to the pleasure of her friends or other guests, she should comply cheerfully with requests that she do so. On the other hand, she should not monopolize the piano. She should enter readily into any plans proposed for her entertainment; even though they may not be especially agreeable, she should subscribe to the kindly intent.
The question as to how much assistance the visitor should volunteer in case her hostess keeps but one servant, or does her own work, is dependent upon circumstances. She certainly shouldn't follow her hostess all over the house with offers of help: "Can't I do this?" "Shan't I do that?" Let her quickly and unostentatiously render such small services as are helpful without being obtrusive. She may care for her own room; she may fill the vases with flowers; she may tell stories to the children or take them for a walk, but she must carefully respect the hostess's privacy and not intrude in the rear regions where the domestic rites are performed, without her hostess's permission. And whatever aid she renders she should give according to her hostess's method, not her own.
A visitor should carefully avoid any comment on the cook's failures, should such occur; she must not criticise the children's manners: nor reprove them; nor should she criticise the chance caller or visitor, who is a friend of her hostess, but not of her acquaintance. Above all she must avoid comparisons. If she has been visiting more wealthy people it is not good form to wax eloquent over the elegance of their establishment or their more expensive mode of entertaining.
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Concerning Departure.—If there has been no time named as the length of her visit, she should take an early opportunity to mention now long she will remain "if perfectly convenient." And it is almost invariably a mistake to remain beyond the date named. Better go, and have your departure regretted, than linger to find the later days give a flat ending and you and your hostess alike relieved at parting.
It is customary, on leaving, to give a small fee to the maid who has cared for one's room, and to the waitress, if one is employed. Anyone who has rendered personal service is generally remembered. A dollar is usually given at the close of a week's visit: something depends upon the style of the household. Men generally tip the chauffeur.
After having been received as a guest in a family it is the height of incivility and bad manners to criticise their mode of living, discuss the peculiarities of any member, or make unkind remarks in reference to a slight, real or fancied, or any negligence or oversight. Having eaten your hostess's salt, there is an obligation of silence imposed, unless one can speak in terms of praise.
At Home Again.—Immediately after one's return home it is obligatory to write what is sometimes called "the bread-and-butter letter"—that in which one expresses her pleasure in the visit and her appreciation of the hospitality received. A serviceable form for this follows:
My Dear Mrs. Blank:
I wish to tell you at once how much I enjoyed my visit to your
charming home and how truly I appreciate all you did to make my stay so
pleasant. I shall always remember my good times with you, and
especially that most delightful picnic to Ferndale.
With kind remembrances to Mr. Blank and to Lois, who helped so much to
make me happy, believe me,
Yours most sincerely,
Mary Annesley.
This recognition of hospitality enjoyed must on no account be omitted.