HOW JOHN GOT INTO TROUBLE IN CHINA.
It was Tuesday evening in good old Massachusetts, but not far from the break of day in China. In order that I might be more sure to catch the bundle of papers on its arrival, I had woven a net-work with my strong twine, and securely fastened it to a stout wooden hoop. This I then attached to a pole about six feet in length, and stood ready to swing the net under the package as soon as it came within reach. The hour at which I had calculated that the bundle ought to come in sight, provided Bob had been prompt to the time that I had prescribed, had now passed, and I began to feel excited and uneasy. "What if Bob had forgotten to hold the package high enough from the surface when he dropped it, and so the momentum had not proved sufficient to drive it clear through the hole? What if it had struck against the sides of the cavity, and so the friction had stopped it on the way? What if the velocity with which it must have fallen during the first few thousand miles had torn the package in pieces, and the papers had been left floating about in the centre of the earth? What if Bob had been taken ill?"—just at this moment my fears and speculations were arrested by the sight of a small white object, looking like a flake of snow, away down the hole, hundreds of feet away, as it seemed to me. My heart almost ceased to beat; the white object was coming nearer and nearer, and looking larger and larger every second. But it is moving slower and slower all the time, as if it was nearly tired out! Perhaps it will not come quite within reach after all? What an awful disappointment that would be! No! it doesn't quite stop—up it comes—ten feet more and I will have it; five feet more—hurra! underneath goes the stout net, and the precious bundle is clasped safely in my arms.
I was so exhausted by anxiety and excitement, that I had to sit down for a while, that I might recover my strength. I really do not think that I was half so much overcome when I first came out of the hole myself.
And now for the city, to keep my appointment with the gentlemen at the Coffee-House. I had hired a pony to carry me to Canton, and had fastened it to a tree near by; and very soon I was galloping off like lightning. About ten o'clock, I reached the hotel; and, after stopping for a glass of water at the office to clear my throat, I entered the room where I knew my patrons would be assembled, and threw my bundle down upon the table.
Every man there started to his feet; but such was their surprise at my appearance,—for not a soul amongst them ever dreamed that I would keep my appointment,—that for one or two minutes, as before, not a word was spoken. While they all stood around staring at me as if I had just dropped from the clouds, I proceeded very leisurely to untie the strings of the package; when, with a simultaneous movement, my eager customers rushed towards the table, reaching out their hands frantically for the papers.
"Gentlemen," said I, in a clear, collected voice, "before proceeding to distribute the mail, allow me to offer a few brief remarks." I had written out this speech, and committed it to memory. "It is very natural that you should have great curiosity to know by what means I have managed to redeem the pledge that I gave you a short time ago. In the presence of gentlemen so enlightened as you are, I hardly need to say that the speedy communication which I have been enabled to make with the Western world is effected by no supernatural agency, but by a wonderful discovery in the realms of nature, the precise character of which I do not at present consider it expedient to disclose. Let it suffice, that I am able to furnish you, at reasonable rates, with the latest intelligence from the United States of America; and I wish it to be distinctly understood, that if I ever have reason to suspect that my movements are watched, or that any efforts are made to detect my secret, from that time my contract with you is at an end. I also desire to stipulate that no statement of my transactions with you shall be allowed to find its way into the public prints, either in China or America. Let the whole matter remain a profound secret between us; your own interest will be consulted by this as well as mine. If, indeed, it should so happen that you should ever see any remarkable and novel movement in the heavens, of course I cannot hinder you from forming your own impressions, and making your own deductions from the phenomena.
"And now, gentlemen, every morning between ten and eleven o'clock, I propose to be here with the papers; price one dollar per copy, cash on delivery."
The bundle, containing one hundred papers, was immediately disposed of; some gentlemen taking two or three, and others half a dozen.
The tongues of my patrons were now unloosed, and they all acceded unhesitatingly to the terms which I had proposed. An elderly Englishman, with a very white waistcoat, and a very large watch-chain, came up to me, and, patting my shoulder, said, "Why, my son, you have done better than you promised; you have given us the newspapers in much less than thirty-six hours after their issue at home."
"Yes, sir," I replied; "I intended to get them here in about sixteen hours; but I thought it more prudent to say thirty-six, because—because"—I hardly knew what reason to give, without betraying myself—"because, sir, I wasn't certain how the magnetic currents might operate."
"Ah-hah-ah, I begin to see. Magnetic currents in the heavens, in the atmosphere."
"Yes, sir," I answered promptly, "in the atmosphere."
This was true enough; but I could not say in the heavens, without telling an untruth; and this I always regarded as a great sin.
"Don't you think," continued my English friend, "that, when you bring the American papers over, you could just stop on the way, and get a copy or two of 'The London Times'?"
"I do not go for the papers myself."
"You don't mean to say that they come entirely by themselves?" he replied, looking more perplexed and astounded than I can describe.
"Of course not," I said, breaking into a hearty laugh. "I have a partner on the other side, who will forward them to me every morning."
"Then they do come of themselves, after they are once started?"
"Why, yes," I said, feeling a little embarrassed, and very much afraid that I might commit myself, "after the proper impulse and direction are given, they do come of themselves."
"But how, in the name of all that is marvellous, after the package gets into the right magnetic current, does it manage to alight in this vicinity?"
"That is easily explained by the laws of gravity."
The attention of all present was arrested by this conversation, and I began to feel that I was getting upon dangerous ground.
"Excuse me, gentlemen," I said, taking hold of the handle of the door, "from answering any more questions at this time. My mind is getting a little confused; and, what is more, I am very hungry." Upon which I retired to the dining-room.
Every thing went on successfully during the remainder of the week; all the packages arrived safely and in good order, and on Friday evening I was ready to remit several hundred dollars to my brother. At the same time, I thought that it was proper for me to write a few lines to my good mother; and accordingly I sat down and made out quite a long letter, which I enclosed in the same bundle with the money.
On Saturday evening, the papers arrived half an hour later than usual, as I had arranged with Bob; and on the wrapper I was delighted to read, in great, scrawling letters, "All right: money and letters received."
On Sunday, as I was lying in my hammock, and thinking of home, it came to my mind that my dear mother had probably expected me to pass the day with her; and then for the first time it flashed across me, that, when I wrote her on Friday, I entirely forgot that she supposed me all the while to have been in the little town of Canton, on the Boston and Providence Railroad. "What on earth," I said to myself, "will she imagine when she reads my letter? I certainly must have betrayed myself. I don't remember exactly what it was that I wrote; but there must have been some things in the letter that will lead the poor old lady to suppose that I am crazy. Well, perhaps I shall know more about it when the next bundle comes; and I will try to be patient until then."
The next morning I awaited the usual arrival with great anxiety; and, as soon as the package came into my hands, I tore off the outer covering, and, to my great relief, found a letter in my mother's handwriting, addressed,—
"Master John Whopper,
Canton, Mass."
It read as follows:—
Roxbury, March, 1867.
My dearest John,—I was very much disappointed that you did not come home to pass the Sabbath. I had a nice dinner all ready for you; and your little sister cried hard when she found that you were not to sit down with us. We were all very glad, however, to get your letter; and I am thankful that you have been so prospered in your business. I had no idea that you would be able to make so much money by selling papers in Canton: they must be a great reading community. I hope, my dear son, that all is made honestly. There are some things in your letter which have puzzled me a little, and I do not know that I exactly understand all that you say. You also speak of visiting the Joss-house once or twice. I never knew any family of that name: only I happen to remember, that, up in Manchester, there were quite a large number of people by the name of Josslyn; and sometimes the boys used to call them, in sport, "the Josses." It is not a good habit to give nicknames to other persons, especially where you visit the family. You also speak of their burning a great deal of colored paper, and a great many scented sticks before an image. I asked Bob what he thought this meant: but he jumped right behind the closet-door, and made the most extraordinary noises with his mouth that I ever heard; and when he came out again his eyes were full of tears, and he looked as if he had had a fit. "Bob," said I, "what is the matter?" "I have had a high-strike,"—he should have said high-sterick,—"I do have 'em sometimes." "Robert," I said very seriously, "what do you think your brother means?"
"Well," said he, "I shouldn't wonder if the Josses had a bust of Daniel Webster or Henry Clay in their parlor, and perhaps they burn things round it to keep off the flies." Then he began to laugh again, and I could not tell whether he was in earnest or not. I am not very much pleased to hear you say that you go out in the afternoon to fly kites with a parcel of old mandarins. I think that you might find some better use for your time; and I am afraid from the way in which you speak of them, that these old mandarins are not very respectable characters. Your brother says that kite-flying means speculating, and that the mandarins are probably brokers. I trust, my dear boy, that you are not making any of your money in this way. Who is this Chim-jung-tsee, who is to be your teacher? It is a very strange name for a Christian to be called by, and I don't like the sound of it. And what do you mean, when you say you want to learn the language so that you may be able to talk with the natives? I never stopped in Canton but once, and that was when the axle-tree of the engine, or something else, broke down. There were a good many people from the village came up to the depot then; and I heard them talk for more than an hour, and I understood every word they said. I am almost afraid that your application to business, and selling your papers at such a profit, is turning your brain. You must not work too hard, and you must be careful about your diet. I shall try and send you a bundle of doughnuts next week, when I fry. There is something in your letter about eating rats and birds'-nests, and other horrible things. I suppose that you intend that for a joke. I wish that you would tell me where you pass your evenings, and what kind of books you are reading, and how many meeting-houses there are in Canton, and where you go to meeting. Whenever you have to stay there over the Sabbath, I would like to have you write out a full account of the sermons that you hear. We all hope that you will come to see us next Saturday night. Bob says that you are so busy that you will not be able to leave; and that you have to sit up all night, and then sleep in the day-time. Bob and Mamie send their best love. I will send a pair of socks with the doughnuts. Your little sister says, "Tell brother that I want him to bring me something pretty from Canton." I don't know but she thinks you are away off in the great city of Canton, in China. Write as often as you can to
Your very affectionate mother,
Deborah Whopper.
I did not know whether to laugh or cry when I had read the letter, and so I did a little of both. I could not bear to think that my mother should be so deceived, and so bewildered; but it would distress her sadly if she really knew where I had gone, and how I got there. I had some doubts, too, whether she would be able to keep the secret long, for they worm every thing out of her at the Dorcas Society. So I concluded that I would write her another letter, at the end of the week, which wouldn't give her any trouble. Week after week passed by without any interruption of my business; and I devoted three hours every day to the study of the Chinese language, under the direction of Chim-jung-tsee, a young Chinaman who spoke pigeon-English very well, and had been highly recommended by one of the waiters at the hotel. He was a very sleek, smooth-spoken fellow: the top of his shaved head shone like a billiard ball, and his tail hung four feet and a half from his shoulders. I didn't altogether like the expression of his eyes; for although they were usually turned up at the outside corners, like other Chinese eyes, sometimes I would catch him with one of them turned down at the corner, and then he seemed to be looking at me with one eye, and looking out of the window with the other. His nails were longer than any I had seen in Canton; and he usually wore stout leather cots on the ends of his fingers, to protect them from injury. I never knew him to lose his temper but once; and that was when, just for the fun of the thing, I managed to snip off an inch or two from one of his nails with my pen-knife. From that moment, I have reason to believe that he became my deadly foe. He couldn't have made more of an outcry, had he lost his arm.
One day, as I entered my room, I found the young man carefully studying a copy of "The New-York Times," which, contrary to my custom, I had thoughtlessly left exposed on the desk. After the hours of study were over, he asked, in an off-hand kind of way, how far New York was from Canton. I thought it likely that the fellow knew already, and therefore I did not hesitate to tell him. He then took up the New York paper again, and, looking with great care at the date, began to count his fingers, mumbling something to himself in Chinese which I could not understand. Nothing more passed between us on the subject; but I felt from that day that I had a spy upon me. I did not like to discharge him from my service, because that would only excite him to greater mischief, and I never thought for a moment of taking him into my confidence.
One Friday morning, just as I had finished dressing, there was a loud knock at the door of my room; and three Chinese officials entered, who, having first tied my arms behind my back, and fastened a short chain to my ankles, proceeded to search every nook and corner of the premises.
The evening before, I had fortunately converted all the money that I had on hand into a bill of exchange, and this was concealed about my person. The great object of their search appeared to be newspapers; and, after rifling my boxes and desk of every thing in this form, I was marched off into the street, without a word being said by my captors. To all my remonstrances, the only reply that I got was the holding up before my face of a piece of yellow paper, with a huge green seal in the corner. Without being subjected to any form of trial, I was taken at once to prison. I found myself the occupant of a cell about ten feet square, with one window secured by an iron grating. The furniture of the cell consisted of a bamboo chair, a small table, and a low bedstead. I was glad to find that every thing looked neat and clean. I remained in this place for several days in utter solitude, except when my meals were brought to me; and then all that I could get out of my attendant was, "Me no talkee." I had not the slightest doubt who it was that had caused me to be imprisoned; and I determined, that, if Chim-jung-tsee ever came within my reach again, I would cut off every one of his atrocious finger-nails. As I lay there thinking over all my wonderful experiences, I could not but feel sad at what I knew must be Bob's disappointment, when, after waiting hour by hour for my package to arrive on Saturday morning, nothing appeared. Anticipating that I might have trouble in China, I had directed, in case my remittance did not reach him, that he should send no more papers through the hole, so that no loss would occur on this score; and I knew that he was shrewd enough to keep my mother and sister from having any undue anxiety. Then I fell to wondering whether my friends at the coffee-house had all forgotten me, and how they managed to get along without their papers. I soon found out that they had not quite forgotten me; although, for obvious reasons, it would not do for them to interfere with the authorities in my behalf.
One afternoon, as I stood looking out from my window upon an open square, where hundreds of people, young and old, high and low, were amusing themselves by flying kites, I observed, among the monsters that filled the air,—dragons, griffins, cormorants, sharks, and numberless other fantastic shapes,—one kite that arrested my eye and fixed my attention. It was in the form of an American eagle, with red and white stripes on the wings, and brilliant stars all over the body. From the peculiar movements of this kite, I was led to believe that it was an omen of hope for me, and that whoever held the string intended to do me a service. In the course of half an hour, the kite was floated directly across my window, and I saw that there was a paper pinned on the back. As soon as it came within reach, I thrust my hands through the bars, and in an instant tore the paper off. Unfolding it, I found in the inside three steel-spring saws, and read these words: "As soon as you have sawed away the bars, tie a white rag on the grating. On the first evening after this, when the wind is favorable, a kite will be flown to the window. Pull in the string very carefully, and you will come to a larger cord. Keep pulling until a rope-ladder reaches you. Fasten this securely to the window, and follow the ladder down over the wall. You will there find your old pony fastened to a tree: jump on and be off. Strapped on his back you will see a can of condensed food and a jar of water, enough to supply you for some days. Success to you!" This paper I at once tore into small pieces, and, as soon as it was dark, threw the fragments out of the window. I now went to work with a light heart to saw away the iron bars, preserving the filings, which I moulded up with a bit of bread, to fill the gaps that I made with my saws in the grating, in order to avoid detection in case the room should be examined. In the course of about a week, I had cut through the iron so far that I knew it would be easy with one good wrench to tear away the grating; and then, with a throbbing pulse, in the afternoon I tied a piece of white cloth on the sash, as I had been directed. That night there was not a breath of wind, and I knew that I had no hope of rescue at present. I tried to sleep, but found myself constantly rising up and listening for the breeze. The next day the kites were flying merrily; and among them I saw the good old eagle, with a large round white spot on his back, which I interpreted to mean that my signal had been discovered. It seemed to me that the sun would never set that evening, and I was in mortal fear that when it did the wind would also go down. At last, the shadows of night descended upon the earth, and still the breeze blew finely. I waited at the window, and watched with all my eyes until near midnight, when, to my delight, I saw the shadow of a kite coming between me and the stars. With one quick, strong pull I wrenched the grating out, and stood with my head projecting from the hole, ready to catch the kite. As soon as I got hold of it, I found that there were two strings attached; and I was careful to cut only one, as the other was probably intended to remove the kite, and pull it to the ground again. After hauling in the twine and the stronger cords fastened to it, I found the rope-ladder in my grasp; and in a very short time it was fastened to the iron bars below the grating that I had removed. At the same moment, I felt that some one at the other end was hauling the ladder in tight, and no doubt securing it below. Five minutes later and I was free! Not a human being was in sight as I stood once more on the earth: my confederate, whoever he was,—now that every thing was accomplished that he could do,—probably thinking it was safer for him to be out of the way. But there stood my beloved pony, who had carried me so often from the Air-Line Station to Canton; and, before many seconds had passed, he was making the sparks fly under his feet as we headed for the old familiar spot in the country. It was not necessary for me to guide him; dark as it was, the pony knew the way well enough; and I soon reached the cavity, through which I hoped to visit "my own, my native land," where people are not arrested without knowing what is the crime with which they are charged. Removing the jar of water and the can of food from my pony's back, without stopping to think why I did it, but following a sort of instinct which afterwards saved me from perishing, I fastened these articles on my shoulders and around my waist; then, sobbing, threw my arms around poor pony's neck, and with a pang bade him good-by. He flew snorting away to his stable, where I have no doubt he soon found comfort in a quart or two of rice and a peck of oats.
And now, strange to say, although I had accomplished the journey through the earth three times with entire safety, I shrank with dread from the thought of jumping once more in the dark hole beneath. I suppose the trials which I had just endured had unstrung my nerves, and that the solemn hour of the night made the leap seem all the more fearful. And yet through I must go. China was not the place for me to remain in any longer; and so I stepped down some two or three feet into the cavity, and stood upon a little projection of rock, feeling that it would require less effort to drop from this place downward than to leap from the surface. Seizing the projecting rock with my hands, I then let go, and down I went. It was a relief to find that I was now fairly under way; and when, after the lapse of a few hours, I began to see daylight brightening around me, I thought that all my cares were about to end. Brighter and brighter it grew, and I had almost reached the edge of the hole, when, to my horror, I found that the motion of my body was ceasing altogether. Could it be that I had made a fatal mistake in dropping from that inner ledge on the other side, instead of jumping boldly from the surface? It must be so. Oh, what a fool I was! I might have known that the projectile power would not be sufficient to take me clear through! What will become of me? For, at this moment, I felt myself beginning to sink back again into the bowels of the earth. And there through the long, long hours, I swung backwards and forwards like an enormous pendulum,—every time that I rose and fell, with a shorter and shorter range,—until I stopped in equilibrium at the centre of the earth. The sensation of absolute rest was more terrible than motion. There I was alive, buried deeper than any other being ever was before. Was there any possible way in which I could extricate myself? I now made a great effort to collect my thoughts, and give to this question careful consideration. At last, a bright idea came into my mind.