A Parody Anthology

by Unknown

CONTENTS

After Omar Khayyam		Page
The Golfer's Rubaiyat	H. W. Boynton	[3]
An Omar for Ladies	Josephine Daskam Bacon	[5]
The Modern Rubaiyat	Kate Masterson	[7]
Lines Written by Request	Owen Seaman	[10]
The Baby's Omar	Carolyn Wells	[12]
After Chaucer
Ye Clerke of ye Wethere	Anonymous	[14]
After Spenser
A Portrait	John Keats	[15]
After Shakespeare
The Bachelor's Soliloquy	Anonymous	[17]
Poker	Anonymous	[18]
Toothache	Anonymous	[19]
A Dreary Song	Shirley Brooks	[20]
To the Stall-holders at a Fancy Fair	W. S. Gilbert	[21]
Song	J. W. Riley	[22]
The Whist Player's Soliloquy	Carolyn Wells	[23]
After Wither
Answer to Master Wither's Song	Ben Jonson	[25]
After Herrick
Song	Oliver Herford	[27]
To Julia Under Lock and Key	Owen Seaman	[27]
After Nursery Rhymes
An Idyll of Phatte and Leene	Anonymous	[29]
Nursery Song in Pidgin English	Anonymous	[30]
The House that Jack Built	Samuel Taylor Coleridge	[31]
Boston Nursery Rhymes	Rev. Joseph Cook	[32]
A Song of a Heart	Oliver Herford	[33]
The Domicile of John	A. Pope	[34]
Mary and the Lamb	Frank Dempster Sherman	[37]
After Waller
The Aesthete to the Rose	Punch	[40]
After Dryden
Three Blessings	Anonymous	[41]
Oyster Crabs	Carolyn Wells	[41]
After Dr. Watts
The Voice of the Lobster	Lewis Carroll	[42]
The Crocodile	Lewis Carroll	[43]
After Goldsmith
When Lovely Woman	Phœbe Cary	[44]
After Burns
Gaelic Speech	Anonymous	[45]
My Foe	Anonymous	[46]
Rigid Body Sings	J. C. Maxwell	[48]
After Catherine Fanshawe
Cockney Enigma on the Letter H	Horace Mayhew	[49]
After Wordsworth
On Wordsworth	Anonymous	[51]
Jacob	Phœbe Cary	[51]
Fragment	Catherine M. Fanshawe	[52]
Jane Smith	Rudyard Kipling	[54]
Only Seven	Henry S. Leigh	[55]
Lucy Lake	Newton Mackintosh	[57]
After Sir Walter Scott
Young Lochinvar	Anonymous	[58]
After Coleridge
The Ancient Mariner	Anonymous	[61]
Striking	Charles S. Calverley	[64]
After Southey
The Old Man's Cold	Anonymous	[66]
Father William	Lewis Carroll	[67]
Lady Jane	A. T. Quiller-Couch	[69]
After Campbell
The New Arrival	George W. Cable	[72]
John Thompson's Daughter	Phœbe Cary	[73]
After Thomas Moore
The Last Cigar	Anonymous	[76]
'Twas Ever Thus	Anonymous	[77]
There's a Bower of Bean-Vines	Phœbe Cary	[78]
Disaster	Charles S. Calverley	[79]
Sarah's Halls	Judy	[80]
'Twas Ever Thus	Henry S. Leigh	[81]
After Jane Taylor
The Bat	Lewis Carroll	[82]
After Barry Cornwall
The Tea	Tom Hood, Jr.	[83]
After Byron
The Rout of Belgravia	Jon Duan	[84]
A Grievance	J. K. Stephen	[85]
After Charles Wolfe
The Burial of the Bachelor	Anonymous	[88]
Not a Sou had He Got	R. Harris Barham	[89]
The Marriage of Sir John Smith	Phœbe Cary	[91]
After Mrs. Hemans
The Thyroid Gland	R. M.	[93]
After Keats
Ode on a Jar of Pickles	Bayard Taylor	[94]
After Heine
Imitation	H. C. Bunner	[96]
Commonplaces	Rudyard Kipling	[97]
After Hood
The Dripping Sheet	Anonymous	[98]
I Remember, I Remember	Phœbe Cary	[101]
After Alfred Bunn
A Yule Tide Parody	Anonymous	[103]
Self-Evident	J. R. Planché	[104]
After Lord Macaulay
The Laureate's Tourney	William Aytoun	[105]
After Emerson
Mutton	Anonymous	[113]
After Mary Howitt
The Lobster Quadrille	Lewis Carroll	[114]
After Mrs. Browning
In the Gloaming	Charles S. Calverley	[116]
Gwendoline	Bayard Taylor	[118]
After Longfellow
The Modern Hiawatha	Anonymous	[120]
Higher	Anonymous	[120]
Topside Galah	Anonymous	[122]
Excelsior	Anonymous	[124]
The Day is Done	Phœbe Cary	[126]
A Psalm of Life	Phœbe Cary	[127]
How Often	Ben King	[129]
Desolation	Thomas Masson	[130]
The Birds and the Pheasant	Punch	[131]
After Whittier
Hiram Hover	Bayard Taylor	[133]
After Mrs. Norton
The Horse and his Master	Philip F. Allen	[136]
The New Version	W. J. Lampton	[138]
After Poe
What Troubled Poe's Raven	John Bennett	[139]
The Amateur Flute	Anonymous	[140]
Samuel Brown	Phœbe Cary	[142]
The Promissory Note	Bayard Taylor	[143]
The Cannibal Flea	Tom Hood, Jr.	[145]
Annabel Lee	Stanley Huntley	[147]
The Bells	Judy	[148]
The Goblin Goose	Punch	[150]
After Lord Houghton
Love and Science	Anonymous	[153]
After Tennyson
The Bather's Dirge	Tennyson Minor	[155]
Little Miss Muffet	Anonymous	[156]
The Musical Pitch	Anonymous	[158]
To an Importunate Host	Anonymous	[158]
The Village Choir	Anonymous	[159]
The Biter Bit	William Aytoun	[161]
The Laureate	William Aytoun	[163]
The Lay of the Lovelorn	William Aytoun	[165]
In Immemoriam	Cuthbert Bede	[174]
Sir Eggnogg	Bayard Taylor	[175]
Godiva	Oliver Herford	[177]
A Laureate's Log	Punch	[178]
The Recognition	Wm. Sawyer	[180]
The Higher Pantheism in a Nutshell	A. C. Swinburne	[180]
Timbuctoo	W. M. Thackeray	[183]
After Tupper
Of Friendship	Charles S. Calverley	[185]
Of Reading	Charles S. Calverley	[186]
After Thackeray
The Willow-Tree	W. M. Thackeray	[188]
After Charles Dickens
Man's Place in Nature	Anonymous	[191]
After Robert Browning
Home Truths from Abroad	Anonymous	[193]
After Browning	Anonymous	[194]
The Cock and the Bull	Charles S. Calverley	[195]
A Staccato to O Le Lupe	Bliss Carman	[200]
By the Sea	Bayard Taylor	[203]
Angelo Orders his Dinner	Bayard Taylor	[205]
The Flight of the Bucket	Rudyard Kipling	[206]
The Jam Pot	Rudyard Kipling	[210]
Imitation of Robert Browning	J. K. Stephen	[210]
The Last Ride Together	J. K. Stephen	[212]
Up the Spout	A. C. Swinburne	[215]
After Walt Whitman
An American, one of the Roughs, a Kosmos	Anonymous	[219]
Camerados	Bayard Taylor	[220]
Imitation of Whitman	Judy	[221]
Imitation of Whitman	J. K. Stephen	[224]
The Poet and the Woodlouse	A. C. Swinburne	[224]
After Charles Kingsley
Three Little Fishers	Frank H. Stauffer	[229]
The Three Poets	Lilian Whiting	[230]
After Mrs. R. H. Stoddard
The Nettle	Bayard Taylor	[231]
After Bayard Taylor
Hadramaut	Bayard Taylor	[233]
After William Morris
Estunt the Griff	Rudyard Kipling	[235]
After Alfred Austin
An Ode	Anthony C. Deane	[237]
After W. S. Gilbert
Ode to a London Fog	Anonymous	[239]
President Garfield	Anonymous	[240]
Propinquity Needed	Charles Battell Loomis	[241]
After R. H. Stoddard
The Cantelope	Bayard Taylor	[243]
After A. A. Proctor
The Lost Voice	A. H. S.	[244]
The Lost Ape	J. W. G. W.	[245]
The Lost Word	C. H. Webb	[246]
After George Meredith
At the Sign of the Cock	Owen Seaman	[248]
After D. G. Rossetti
A Christmas Wail	Anonymous	[252]
Ballad	Charles S. Calverley	[253]
Cimabuella	Bayard Taylor	[255]
The Poster Girl	Carolyn Wells	[257]
After Jean Ingelow
Lovers, and a Reflection	Charles S. Calverley	[259]
The Shrimp Gatherers	Bayard Taylor	[261]
After Christina Rossetti
Remember	Judy	[263]
After Lewis Carroll
Waggawocky	Shirley Brooks	[264]
The Vulture and the Husband-Man	A. C. Hilton	[265]
After A. C. Swinburne
Gillian	Anonymous	[268]
Atalanta in Camden-town	Lewis Carroll	[270]
The Manlet	Lewis Carroll	[272]
If	Mortimer Collins	[274]
The Maid of the Meerschaum	Rudyard Kipling	[275]
Quaeritur	Rudyard Kipling	[277]
A Melton Mowbray Pork-pie	Richard Le Gallienne	[278]
Foam and Fangs	Walter Parke	[278]
A Song of Renunciation	Owen Seaman	[279]
Nephelidia	A. C. Swinburne	[282]
The Lay of Macaroni	Bayard Taylor	[284]
After Bret Harte
The Heathen Pass-ee	A. C. Hilton	[286]
De Tea Fabula	A. T. Quiller-Couch	[289]
After Austin Dobson
The Prodigals	Anonymous	[292]
After Andrew Lang
Bo-Peep	Anthony C. Deane	[294]
After W. E. Henley
Imitation	Anthony C. Deane	[296]
After R. L. Stevenson
Bed During Exams	Clara Warren Vail	[298]
After Oscar Wilde
More Impressions	Oscuro Wildgoose	[299]
Nursery Rhymes à la Mode	Anonymous	[299]
A Maudle-In Ballad	Punch	[300]
Quite the Cheese	H. C. Waring	[302]
After William Watson
The Three Mice	Anthony C. Deane	[304]
After Kipling
Fuzzy Wuzzy Leaves Us	E. P. C.	[305]
A Ballad	Guy Wetmore Carryl	[307]
Jack and Jill	Anthony C. Deane	[309]
The Legend of Realism	Hilda Johnson	[313]
After Stephen Phillips
Little Jack Horner	Anthony C. Deane	[315]
After Fiona McLeod
The Cult of the Celtic	Anthony C. Deane	[317]
After Various Writers of Vers de Société
Behold the Deeds	H. C. Bunner	[319]
Culture in the Slums	W. E. Henley	[322]
A Ballade of Ballade-Mongers	Augustus Moore	[322]
After Various Popular Songs
Beautiful Snow	Anonymous	[324]
The Newest Thing in Christmas Carols	Anonymous	[325]
The Tale of Lord Lovell	Anonymous	[326]
“Songs Without Words"	Robert J. Burdette	[327]
The Elderly Gentleman	George Canning	[328]
Turtle Soup	Lewis Carroll	[329]
Some Day	F. P. Doveton	[329]
If I Should Die To-night	Ben King	[331]
A Love Song	Dean Swift	[331]
Old Fashioned Fun	W. M. Thackeray	[333]
Themes with Variations
Home Sweet Home with Variations	H. C. Bunner	[334]
Modern Versification on Ancient Themes
Goose à la Mode	E. Cavazza	[346]
Three Children Sliding		[346]
Jack and Jill	E. Cavazza	[347]
Jack and Jill	Charles Battell Loomis	[348]
The Rejected “National Hymns"	Robert Henry Newell	[352]
A Theme with Variations	Barry Pain	[356]
The Poets at Tea	Barry Pain	[359]
The Poets at a House Party	Carolyn Wells	[363]
An Old Song by New Singers	A. C. Wilkie	[368]
Index of Titles		[375]
Index of Authors		[385]
Index of Authors Parodied		[395]

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INTRODUCTION
PARODY AS A FINE ART

THE fact that parody has been ably defended by many of the world's best minds proves that it is an offensive measure, at least from some viewpoints. But an analysis of the arguments for and against seems to show that parody is a true and legitimate branch of art, whose appreciation depends upon the mental bias of the individual.

To enjoy parody, one must have an intense sense of the humorous and a humorous sense of the intense; and this, of course, presupposes a mental attitude of wide tolerance and liberal judgments.

Parodies are not for those who cannot understand that parody is not necessarily ridicule. Like most other forms of literature, unless the intent of the writer be thoroughly understood and appreciated, the work is of little value to the reader.

The defenders of parody have sometimes endeavored to prove that it has an instructive value, and that it has acted as a reforming influence against mannerisms and other glaring defects. One enthusiastic partisan confidently remarks: “It may gently admonish the best and most established writer, when, from haste, from carelessness, from over-confidence, he is in danger of forfeiting his reputation; it may gently lead the tyro, while there is yet time, from the wrong into the right path." But this ethical air-castle is rudely shattered by facts, for what established writer ever changed his characteristic effects as a result of the parodies upon his works, or what tyro was ever parodied?

It has been said, too, that a good parody makes us love the original work better; but this statement seems to lack satisfactory proof except, perhaps, on the principle that a good parody may lead us to know the original work more thoroughly.

Perhaps the farthest fetched argument of the zealous advocates of the moral virtues of parody is found in Lord Jeffrey's review of the well-known “Rejected Addresses," where he says, “The imitation lets us more completely into the secret of the original author, and enables us to understand far more clearly in what the peculiarity of his manner consists than most of us would ever have done without this assistance." If this be true at all, it is exemplified in very few instances, and is one of the least of the minor reasons for the existence of a parody.

The main intent of the vast majority of parodies is simply to amuse; but to amuse intelligently and cleverly. This aim is quite high enough, and is in no way strengthened or improved by the bolstering up qualities of avowed virtuous influences.

The requirements of the best parody are in a general way simply the requirements of the best literature of any sort; but, specifically, the true parodist requires an exact mental balance, a fine sense of proportion and relative values, good-humor, refinement, and unerring taste. Self-control and self-restraint are also needed; a parodist may go to the very edge, but he must not fall over.

The fact that poor parodies outnumber the good ones in the ratio of about ten to one (which is not an unusual percentage in any branch of literature), is because a wide and generous sense of humor is so rarely found in combination with the somewhat circumscribed quality of good taste. It is, therefore, on account of the abuse of parody, and not the use of it, that a defence of the art has been found necessary.

The parody has the sanction of antiquity, and though its absolute origin is uncertain, and various “Fathers of Parody" have been named, it is safe to assume that it began with the Greeks. The Romans, too, indulged in it, and its continuance has been traced all through the Middle Ages; but these ancient parodies, however acceptable in their time, are of little interest to us now, save as heirlooms. Their wit is coarse, their humor heavy; they are usually caustic and often irreverent.

In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries the art of parody began to improve, and during the nineteenth it rose to a height that demanded recognition from the literary world.

It is interesting to note that the age of English parody was ushered in by such masterpieces as the “Rolliad" and the “Anti-Jacobin," followed by the “Rejected Addresses" and the “Bon Gaultier Ballads." Later came Thackeray, Calverley, Swinburne and Lewis Carroll, also Bayard Taylor, Bret Harte, and Phœbe Cary. More modern still is the work of Rudyard Kipling, Anthony C. Deane, H. C. Bunner, and Owen Seaman.

Though some of these are classed among the minor poets, they are all major parodists and approach their work armed at all points.

The casual critic of parodies, as a rule, divides them into two classes, which, though under various forms of terminology, resolve themselves into parodies of sound and parodies of sense. But there are really three great divisions, which may be called “word-rendering," “form-rendering," and “sense-rendering."

The first, mere word-rendering, is simply an imitation of the original, and depends for its interest entirely upon the substitution of a trivial or commonplace motive for a lofty one, and following as nearly as possible the original words.

Form-rendering is the imitation of the style of an author, preferably an author given to mannerisms or affectation of some sort. The third division, sense-rendering, is by far the most meritorious, and utilizes not only the original writer's diction and style, but follows a train of thought precisely along the lines that he would have pursued from the given premises.

This class of parody is seen at its best in Catherine Fanshawe's “Imitation of Wordsworth," and Calverley's “The Cock and the Bull."

But though parodies of this sort are of more serious worth, the other classes show examples quite as good in their own way.

Lewis Carroll's immortal parody of Southey's “Father William" is merely a burlesque of the word-rendering type, yet it is perfect of its kind and defies adverse criticism.

Miss Cary was a pioneer of parody in America and one of the few women writers who have done clever work of this sort. Miss Cary's parodies are numerous and uniformly first-class examples of their kind. They are collected in a small book, now out of print, and are well worth reading.

Of course, parodies which burlesque the actual words of the original are necessarily parodies of some particular poem, and often not so good an imitation of the style of the author.

More difficult than the parody of a particular poem is the imitation or burlesque of the literary style of an author. To accomplish this, the parodist must be himself a master of style, a student of language, and possessed of a power of mimicry with an instant appreciation of opportunities.

“Diversions of the Echo Club," by Bayard Taylor, are among the best of this class of parodies. Aside from their cleverness they are marked by good taste, fairness, justice, and a true poetic instinct.

Naturally, parodies of literary style are founded on the works of those authors whose individual characteristics invite imitation.

Parody is inevitable where sense is sacrificed to sound, where affectations of speech are evident, or where unwarrantable extravagance of any sort is indulged in. This explains the numerous (and usually worthless) parodies of Walt Whitman.

Swinburne and Browning are often parodied for these (perhaps only apparent) reasons, and the poets of the æsthetic school of course offered especially fine opportunities.

Parodies of Rossetti and his followers are often exceedingly funny, though not at all difficult to write, as the originals both in manner and matter fairly invite absurd incongruities.

Nursery Rhymes seem to find favor with the parodists as themes to work upon. A collection of Mother Goose's Melodies as they have been reset by clever pens, would be both large and interesting.

The masters of parody, however, are as a rule to be found among the master poets. Thackeray turned his genius to imitative account; Swinburne parodied himself as well as his fellow-poets; Rudyard Kipling has done some of the best parodies in the language, and C. S. Calverley's burlesques are classics. The work of these writers may be said to be in the third class; for not only do they preserve the diction and style of the author imitated, but they seem to go beyond that, and, assimilating for the moment his very mentality, caricature not only his expressed thoughts but his abstract cerebrations.

It is easy to understand how Swinburne with his facile fancy and wonderful command of words could be among the best parodists. In his “Heptalogia" are long and careful parodies of no less than seven prominent poets, each of which is a masterpiece, and the parody of Browning is especially good. Browning, of course, has always been a tempting mark for the parodists, but though it is easy to imitate his eccentricities superficially, it is only the greater minds that have parodied his subtler peculiarities. Among the best are Calverley's and Kipling's.

Kipling's parodies, written in his early days, and not often to be found in editions of his collected works, rank with the highest. His parody of Swinburne, while going to the very limit of legitimate imitation, is restrained by a powerful hand, and so kept within convincing bounds. The great fault with most parodies of Swinburne is that exaggeration is given play too freely, and the result is merely a meaningless mass of sound. Clever in a different way is Owen Seaman's parody of Swinburne. Mr. Seaman is one of the most brilliant of modern parodists and his parodies, though long, are perfect in all respects.

Among the most exquisite parodies we have ever read must be counted those of Anthony C. Deane, originally published in various London papers, and Calverley's works are too well known even to require mention.

The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam is often parodied, but rarely worthily. One reason for this lies in the fact that it is not Omar who is parodied at all, but Fitzgerald; consequently, the imitation is merely a form-rendering and more often only lines in the Rubaiyat metre.

Shakespeare, with the exception of one or two of his most hackneyed speeches, is rarely parodied; doubtless owing to the fact that his harmonious work shows no incongruities of matter or manner, and strikes no false notes for the parodists to catch at.

The extent of the domain of parody is vastly larger than is imagined by the average reader, and its already published bibliographies show thousands of collected parodies of varying degrees of merit.

Of all the poets Tennyson has probably been parodied the most; followed closely in this respect by Edgar Allan Poe. After these, Browning, Swinburne, and Walt Whitman; then Moore, Wordsworth, Longfellow, and Thomas Campbell.

Of single poems the one showing the greatest number of parodies is “My Mother," by Ann Taylor; after this those most used for the purpose have been “The Raven," Gray's “Elegy," “The Song of the Shirt," “The May Queen," “Locksley Hall," “The Burial of Sir John Moore," and Kingsley's “Three Fishers."

Parody, then, is a tribute to popularity, and consequently to merit of one sort or another, and in the hands of the initiate may be considered a touch-stone that proves true worth.

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A PARODY ANTHOLOGY

AFTER OMAR KHAYYAM