ACT II, SCAENA 1.
WIT and WILL.
WIT.
What, Will, I say, Will boy, come again, foolish elf!
WILL.
I cry you mercy, sir, you are a tall man yourself.
WIT.
Such a crackbrain as thou art, I never saw the like to it.
WILL.
Truth, in respect of you, that are nothing else but Wit!
WIT.
Canst thou tell me thy errand, because thou art gone so soon?
WILL.
I can remember a long tale of a man in the moon,
With such a circumstance and such flim-flam?
I will tell, at a word, whose servant I am:
Wherefore I come, and what I have to say,
And call for her answer, before I come away.
What, should I make a broad tree of every little shrub,
And keep her a great while with a tale of a tub?
WIT.
Yet thou must commend me to be rich, lusty, pleasant, and wise.
WILL.
I cannot commend you, but I must make twenty lies.
Rich, quoth you? that appeareth by the port that you keep:
Even as rich as a new-shorn sheep!
Of pleasant conceits, ten bushels to the peck,
Lusty like a herring, with a bell about his neck,
Wise as a woodcock: as brag as a bodylouse,
A man of your hands, to match with a mouse!
How say you, are not these proper qualities to praise you with?
WIT.
Leave these mad toys of thine, and come to the pith:
One part of the errand should have been
To give her this picture of mine to be seen,
And to request her the same to accept,
Safely until my coming to be kept,
Which I suspend till thy return, and then,
If it like her ladyship to appoint me where and when,
I will wait upon her gladly out of hand.
WILL.
Sir, let me alone: your mind I understand.
I will handle the matter, so that you shall owe me thanks,
But what, if she find fault with these spindle-shanks,
Or else with these black spots on your nose?
WIT.
In faith, sir boy, this talk deserveth blows.
WILL.
You will not misuse your best servant, I suppose?
For, by his nails and by his fingers too,
I will mar your marriage, if you do so.[385]
WIT.
I pray thee go thy ways, and leave this clatter.
WILL.
First shall I be so bold to break to you a matter.
WIT.
Tush, thou art disposed to spend words in waste,
And yet thou knowest this business asketh haste.
WILL.
But even two words, and then I am gone.
WIT.
If it be worth the hearing, say on.
WILL.
I would not have you think that I, for my part,
From my promise or from your service will depart,
But yet now and then it goeth to my heart,
When I think how this marriage may be to my smart.
WIT.
Why so?
WILL.
I would tell you the cause, if I durst for shame.
WIT.
Speak hardily what thou wilt without any blame.
WILL.
I am not disposed as yet to be tame,
And therefore I am loth to be under a dame,
Now you are a bachelor, a man may soon win you,
Me-thinks there is some good fellowship in you;
We may laugh and be merry at board and at bed,
You are not so testy as those that be wed.
Mild in behaviour and loth to fall out,
You may run, you may ride and rove round about,
With wealth at your will and all thing at ease,
Free, frank and lusty: easy to please.
But when you be clogged and tied by the toe,
So fast that you shall not have pow'r to let go,
You will tell me another lesson soon after.
And cry peccavi too, except your luck be the better.
Then farewell good fellowship! then come at a call!
Then wait at an inch, you idle knaves all:
Then sparing and pinching, and nothing of gift:
No talk with our master, but all for his thrift!
Solemn and sour, and angry as a wasp,
All things must be kept under lock and hasp;
All[386] that which will make me to fare full ill.
All your care shall be to hamper poor Will.
WIT.
I warrant thee, for that take thou no thought,
Thou shalt be made of, whosoever be set at nought:
As dear to me, as mine own dear brother,
Whosoever be one, thou shalt be another.
WILL.
Yea, but your wife will play the shrew; perdè, it is she that I fear.
WIT.
The message will cause her some favour to bear,
For my sake and thy sake, and for her own likewise,
If thou use thyself discreetly in this enterprise.
WILL.
She hath a father, a testy, sour old man:
I doubt lest he and I shall fall out now and then.
WIT.
Give him fair words, forbear him for his age;
Thou must consider him to be ancient and sage.
Shew thyself officious and serviceable still,
And then shall Reason make very much of Will.
WILL.
If your wife be ever complaining, how then?
WIT.
My wife will have nothing to do with my men.
WILL.
If she do, believe her not in any wise.
And when you once perceive her stomach to arise,
Then cut her short at the first, and you shall see
A marvellous virtue in that medicine to be.
Give her not the bridle for a year or twain,
And you shall see her bridle it without a rein,
Break her betimes, and bring her under by force,
Or else the grey mare will be the better horse.
WIT.
If thou have done, begone, and spend no time in vain.
WILL.
Where shall I find you, when I come again?
WIT.
At home.
WILL.
Good, enough, take your ease: let me alone with this.
[Exit Wit.
Surely a treasure of all treasures it is
To serve such a master, as I hope him to be,
And to have such a servant as he hath of me;
For I am quick, nimble, proper and nice;
He is full good, gentle, sober and wise.
He is full both to chide or to check,
And I am as willing to serve at a beck,
He orders me well, and speaks me so fair,
That for his sake no travail I must spare.
But now am I come to the gate of this lady,
I will pause a while to frame mine errant finely.
And lo, where she cometh; yet will I not come nigh her;
But among these fellows will I stand to eye her.