ACT V., SCAENA 1.
WIT, SCIENCE, REASON.
WIT.
Up and to go, why sleep I here so sound?
How falls it out that I am left upon the naked ground?
God grant that all be well, whilst I lay dreaming here:
Me-thinks all is not as it was, nor as I would it were.
And yet I wot not why, but so my fancies gives me,
That some one thing or other in my tire[421] that grieves me,
They are but fancies, let them go: to Science now will I;
My suit and business yet once again to labour and apply.
[Enter Science and Reason.
SCIENCE.
What is become, trow ye, of Wit, our spouse that would be?
REASON.
Daughter, I fear all is not as it should be.
WIT.
Yes, yes, have ye no doubt, all is and shall be well.
REASON.
What one art thou? thereof how canst thou tell?
WIT.
Reason, most noble sir, and you, my lady dear:
How have you done in all this time, since first I saw you here?
SCIENCE.
The fool is mad, I ween; stand back, and touch me not.
WIT.
You speak not as you think, or have you me forgot?
SCIENCE.
I never saw thee in my life until this time, I wot;
Thou art some mad-brain or some fool, or some disguised sot.[422]
WIT.
God's fish-hooks?[423] and know you not me?
SCIENCE.
I had been well at ease indeed to be acquainted with thee!
WIT.
Hop haliday![424] marry, this is pretty cheer,
I have lost myself, I cannot tell where!
An old-said saw it is, and too true, I find,
Soon hot, soon cold: out of sight, out of mind.
What, madam, what meaneth this sudden change?
What means this scornful look, this countenance so strange?
Is it[425] your fashion so to use your lovers at the first:
Or have all women this delight to scold and to be curs'd?
REASON.
Good fellow, whence art thou? what is thy name?
WIT.
I ween ye are disposed to make at me some game.
I am the son of lady Nature; my name is Wit.
REASON.
Thou shalt say so long enough, ere we believe it.
SCIENCE.
Thou Wit? nay, thou art some mad-brain out of thy wit.
WIT.
Unto yourselves this trial I remit.
Look on me better, and mark my person well.
SCIENCE.
Thy look is like to one, that came out of hell.
REASON.
If thou be Wit, let see, what tokens thou canst tell.
How cam'st thou first acquainted here? what said we?
How did we like thy suit, what entertainment made we?
WIT.
What tokens?
SCIENCE.
Yea, what tokens? speak, and let us know.
WIT.
Tokens good store I can rehearse a-row:
First, as I was advised by my mother Nature,
My lackey Will presented you with my picture.
SCIENCE.
Stay there, now look, how these two faces agree!
WIT.
This is the very same that you received from me.
SCIENCE.
From thee? why look, they are no more like,
Than chalk to cheese, than black to white.
REASON.
To put thee out of doubt, if thou think we say not true,
It were good for thee in a glass thy face to view.
WIT.
Well-remembered, and a glass I have indeed,
Which glass you gave me to use at need.
REASON.
Hast thou the glass, which I to Wit did give?
WIT.
I have it in my purse, and will keep it, while I live.
REASON.
This makes[426] me muse how should he come thereby?
WIT.
Sir, muse no more, for it is even I,
To whom you gave the glass, and here it is.
REASON.
We are content thou try thy case by this.
WIT. [Looking in the glass.
Either my glass is wonderfully spotted,
Or else my face is wonderfully blotted.
This is not my coat; why, where had I this weed?
By the mass, I look like a very fool indeed.
O haps of haps, O rueful chance to me!
O Idleness, woe-worth the time, that I was ruled by thee!
Why did I lay my head within thy lap to rest?
Why was I not advis'd by her, that wish'd and will'd[427] me best?
O ten times treble[428] blessed wights, whose corps in grave do lie:
That are not driven to behold these wretched cares which I[429]!
On me you[430] furies all, on me, have poured out your spite,
Come now and slay me at the last, and rid my sorrows quite.
What coast shall me receive? where shall I show my head?
The world will say this same is he that, if he list, had sped.
This same is he, that took an enterprise in hand;
This same is he that scarce one blow his enemy did withstand.
This same is he, that fought and fell in open field:
This same is he that in the song of Idleness did yield.
This same is he that was in way to win the game:
To join himself whereby he should have won immortal fame;
And now is wrapp'd in woe, and buried in despair.
O happy case for thee, if death would rid thee quite of care!
ACT V., SCAENA 2.
SHAME, REASON, SCIENCE, WIT.
REASON.
Shame.
SHAME.
Who calls for Shame?
REASON.
Here is a merchant,[431] Shame, for thee to tame.
SHAME.
A shame come to you all, for I am almost lame
With trudging up and down to them that lose their game.
REASON.
And here is one, whom thou must rightly blame,
That hath preferr'd his folly to his fame.
SHAME.
Who? this good fellow? what call you his name?
REASON.
Wit, that on wooing to lady Science came.
SHAME.
Come aloft, child, let me see, what friscols you can fet;[432]
REASON.
[If] he hath deserved it, let him be well-bet.
WIT.
O, spare me with the whip, and sle me with thy knife:
Ten thousand times more dear to me were present death than life.
SHAME.
Nay, nay, my friend, thou shalt not die as yet.
REASON.
Remember in what case dame Nature left thee, Wit;
And how thou hast abus'd the same—
Thou hast deceived all our hope, as all the world may see.
SHAME.
A shame
Come to it!—
REASON.
Remember, what fair words and promises thou diddest make,
That for my daughter's love no pains thou wouldest forsake.
Remember in what sort we had a care of thee:
Thou hast deceived all our hope, as all the world may see.
SHAME.
A shame come to it.
REASON.
Remember, how Instruction should have been followed still,
And how thou wouldest be ruled by none but by Will
How Idleness hath crept, and reigneth in thy breast,
How Ignorance her son hath wholly thee possess'd.
SHAME.
A shame come to it.
WIT.
O woful wretch, to whom shall I complain?
What salve may serve to salve my sore, or to redress my pain?
REASON.
Nay, I can tell thee more: remember, how
Thou was subdued of Tediousness right now.
Remember with what crakes thou went unto his den,
Against the good advice and counsel of thy men,
What Recreation did for thee in these thy rueful haps,
And how the second time thou fell into the lap.[433]
SHAME.
A shame come to thee!
WIT.
O, let me breathe a while, and hold thy heavy hand,
My grievous faults with Shame enough I understand.
Take ruth and pity on my plaint, or else I am forlorn;
Let not the world continue thus in laughing me to scorn.
Madam, if I be he, to whom you once were bent,
With whom to spend your time sometime you were content:
If any hope be left, if any recompense
Be able to recover this forepassed negligence,
O, help me now poor wretch in this most heavy plight,
And furnish me yet once again with Tediousness to fight.
SCIENCE.
Father, be good to these young tender years,
See, how he doth bewail his folly past with tears!
REASON.
Hold, slave, take thou his coat for thy labour,
We are content, at her request, to take you to our favour.
Come in, and dwell with us, till time shall serve:
And from Instruction['s] rule look that thou never swerve.
Within we shall provide to set you up once more,
This scourge hath taught you, what default was in you heretofore.
ACT V., SCAENA 3.
WILL.
Once in my life I have an odd half-hour to spare,
To ease myself of all my travail and my care.
I stood not still so long this twenty days, I ween,
But ever more sent forth on messages I have been.
Such trudging and such toil, by the mass, was never seen;
My body is worn out, and spent with labour clean.
And this it is that makes me look so lean.
That lets my growth, and makes me seem a squall;[434]
What then, although my stature be not tall,
Yet I am as proper as you, so neat and cleanly,
And have my joints at commandment full of activity.
What should a servant do with all this flesh and bones,
That, makes them run with leaden heels, and stir themself like stones?
Give me a proper squire much after my pitch,
And mark how he from place to place will squich;[435]
Fair or foul, thick or thin, mire or dusty;
Cloud or rain, light or dark, clear or misty:
Ride or run, to or fro, bad or good:
A neat little fellow on his business will scud.
These great lubbers[436] are neither active nor wise,
That feed till they sleep, and sleep out their eyes.
So heavy, so dull, so untoward in their doing,
That it is a good sight to see them leave working.
But all this while, while I stand prating here,
I see not my master; I left him snorting here.
[Exit.
ACT V., SCAENA 4.
SCIENCE, WIT, WILL; [to them] INSTRUCTION, STUDY, DILIGENCE,
TEDIOUSNESS.
SCIENCE.
Mine own dear Wit, the hope of mine avail,
My care, my comfort, my treasure and my trust,
Take heart of grace our enemy to assail,
Lay up these things, which you have heard discuss'd;
So doing, undoubtingly you cannot fail
To win the field, to 'scape all these unhappy shewers;[437]
To glad your friends, to cause your foes to wail;
To match with us, and then the gain is yours.
Here in this closet ourself will sit and see
Your manly feats and your success in fight:
Strike home courageously for you and me;
Learn where and how to fend, and how to smite.
In any wise, be ruled by these three;
They shall direct both you and Will aright.
Farewell, and let our loving counsel be
At every hand before you in your fight.
WIT.
Here in my sight, good madam, sit and view:
That, when I list, I may look upon you.
This face, this noble face, this lively hue,
Shall harden me, shall make our enemy rue.
O faithful mates, that have this care of me,
How shall I ever recompense your pains with gold or fee?
Come now, and, as you please, enjoin me how to do it,
And you shall see me prest and serviceable to it.
WILL.
Why, master, whither [a]way? what haste? am I no body?
INSTRUCTION.
What, Will, we may not miss thee for no money.
WIT.
Welcome, good Will, and do as thou art bid;
This day or never must Tediousness be rid.
WILL.
God speed us well, I will make one at all assays.
INSTRUCTION.
Thou shalt watch to take him at certain bays,
Come not in the throng, but save thyself always.
You twain on either side first with your sword and buckler;
After the first conflict, fight with your sword and daggers;
You, sir, with a javelin and your target in your hand,
See how ye can his deadly strokes withstand.
Keep at the foin;[438] come not within his reach,
Until you see, what good advantage you may catch.
Then hardily leave him not, till time you strike him dead,
And, of all other parts, especially save your head.
WIT.
Is this all, for I would fain have done?
WILL.
I would we were at it, I care not how soon.
INSTRUCTION.
Now, when ye please; I have no more to tell,
But heartily to pray for you, and wish you well.
WIT.
I thank you; go thou, and bid the battle, Will.
WILL.
Come out, thou monster fell, that hast desire to spill
The knot and linked love of Science and of Wit,
Come, try the quarrel in the field, and fight with us a fit.
ACT V., SCAENA 5.
TEDIOUSNESS, WIT, WILL, INSTRUCTION, STUDY, DILIGENCE.
TEDIOUSNESS.
A doughty dust[439] these four boys will do:
I will eat them by morsels, two and two!
Thou fightest for a wife! a rod, a rod!
Had I wist this, I would have laid on load,
And beat thy brain and this my club together,
And made thee safe enough for returning hither.
WILL.
A foul whoreson! what a sturdy thief it is!
But we will pelt thee, knave, until for woe thou piss.
TEDIOUSNESS.
Let me come to that elf.
WIT.
Nay, nay, thou shalt have work enough to save thyself.
[Fight.
INSTRUCTION.
Take breath, and change your weapons; play the men.
TEDIOUSNESS.
Somewhat it was that made thee come again.
Thou stickest somewhat better to thy tackling, I see,
But what, no force; ye are but Jack-Sprat to me.
WIT.
Have hold, here is a morsel for thee to eat. [Strikes.
STUDY, INSTRUCTION.
Here is a pelt to make your knave's heart fret.
DILIGENCE.
There is a blow able to fell a hog.
WIT.
And here is a foin behind for a mad dog!
[Let Will trip you[440] down.
Hold, hold, hold, the lubber is down!
TEDIOUSNESS. O!
WILL.
Strike off his head, while I hold him by the crown.
WIT.
Thou monstrous wretch, thou mortal foe to me and mine,
Which evermore at my good luck and fortune did'st repine,
Take here thy just desert and payment for thy hire.
Thy head this day shall me prefer unto my heart's desire.
INSTRUCTION.
O noble Wit, the praise, the game is thine.
STUDY.
Hove up his head upon your spear, lo, here a joyful sign!
DILIGENCE.
O valiant knight, O conquest full of praise!
WILL.
O bliss[441] of God to see these happy days!
WIT.
You, you, my faithful squires, deserve no less,
Whose tried trust, well-known to me in my distress.
And certain hope of your fix'd faith and fast good-will,
Made me attempt this famous fact, most needful to fulfil:
To you I yield great thanks, to me redounds the gain,
Now home apace, and ring it out, that Tediousness is slain.
Say all at once, Tediousness is slain.
ACT V., SCAENA 6.
SCIENCE, WIT.
SCIENCE.
I hear and see the joyful news, wherein I take delight,
That Tediousness, our mortal foe, is overcome in fight:
I see the sign of victory, the sign of manliness:
The heap of happy haps: the joy that tongue cannot express.
Our[442] welcome fame from day to day for ever shall arise.
WIT.
Avaunt, ye griping cares, and lodge no more in me,
For you have lost, and I have won continual joys and fee.
Now let me freely touch, and freely you embrace,
And let my friends with open mouth proclaim my blissful case.
SCIENCE.
The world shall know, doubt not, and shall blow out your fame,
Then true report shall send abroad your everlasting name.
Now let our parents dear be certified of this,
So that our marriage may forthwith proceed, as meet it is.
Come after me, all five, and I will lead you in.
WIT.
My pain is pass'd, my gladness to begin,
My task is done, my heart is set at rest;
My foe subdued, my lady's love possess'd.
I thank my friends, whose help I had[443] at need,
And thus you see, how Wit and Science are agreed,
We twain henceforth one soul in bodies twain must dwell:
Rejoice, I pray you all with me, my friends, and fare ye well.