ACT IV., SCENE I.
Enter MONEY.
MON. Liberty, liberty! now I cry liberty!
Catch me again, when you can, Prodigality!
Never was there poor soul so cruelly handled.
I was at the first, like a cockney[398] dandled,
Strok'd on the head, kiss'd and well cherished,
And so thought surely I should have continued:
But now, how my case is altered suddenly!
You would not believe, unless you saw it apparently.
I'faith, since ye saw me, I have been turmoiled
From post to pillar: see how I am spoiled.
The villains among them provided the roast;
But Money was forced to pay for the cost
Both of their feasting and of their chamber cheer.
Yea, in every place they have fleec'd me so near:
He a fleece, and she a fleece, that nothing could I keep,
But glad to run away like a new-shorn sheep.
And though I have been pinched very near,
I am glad to see you in good health, every one here:
And now I have escaped the traitorous treachery
Of such a thriftless, roisting company,
To my mother in haste again I will get me,
And keep at home safely: from thence let them fet me.
[Exit.
SCENE II.
Enter VANITY and MONEY.
VAN. What, Master Money, how goeth the world with you?
MON. Look but upon me, thou may'st quickly judge how.
VAN. Why, where the vengeance, where the devil hast thou been?
Among brambles or briars? or spirits, sure, I ween.
MON. Both ween it and wot it! I have pass'd a wilderness
Of most mischievous and miserable distress;
Sharp brambles, sharp briars, and terrible scratchers,
Bears, wolves, apes, lions, most ravening snatchers,
Thorns, thistles, and nettles, most horrible stingers,
Ravens, gripes and griphons. O vengeable wringers,
Yea through my whole passage such damnable sights,
As I cannot but judge them most damnable sprites.
VAN. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
MON. Laugh ye, my friend? It is no laughing toy.
VAN. But who did guide you in this labyrinth of joy?
MON. Who, sir? your minion, sir; Prodigality,
The captain elected of all roisting knavery;
He will be hang'd, I warrant him, shortly.
VAN. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
MON. Yet go to, laugh on!
VAN. Are you not a cuck—cuck-cold?
MON. I may be indeed; my clothes be but thin,
And therefore I will even go get me in,
That Fortune, my mother, may clothe me anew. [Exit.
VAN. Do so, you had need so, I may say to you.
Now, sure, it is a world of worlds to see,
How all the world inclines to Vanity;
Men seek at first—that is but Vanity,
And lose at last—that was but Vanity,
And yet continue still to follow Vanity,
As though it were a thing of certainty.
And I, that bear the name of Vanity,
And see the world's exceeding Vanity,
In following so the tracks of Vanity,
Do triumph still amid my empery,
And laugh at their simplicity,
That will be so misled by Vanity.
But who is this? O, I know him, a scholar of our train,
'Tis Hob-a-Clunch, that comes for money again.
SCENE III.
Enter to VANITY, TENACITY, FORTUNE, and MONEY.
TEN. God speed, Master Fanity.
VAN. Wocum,[399] Master Tenacity.
TEN. Sur, cham come once again vor money.
VAN. So me thinks.
TEN. Shall be sped now at length, trow ye?
VAN. I cannot tell ye, 'tis hard to say;
Peradventure yea, peradventure nay.
TEN. How so, man?
VAN. I fear me you will spend him too fast away.
TEN. Ho, ho, ho, ho! dost thou vear that, friend Fanity?
Shalt not need, man, chill keep him safe, che warrant thee.
O, that chad him in my clutches, shouldst see, I trow,
Whether chud keep him vast and safe, or no.
I pray thee, good sweet Master Fanity,
Speak one good word for poor Tenacity.
VAN. And dost thou indeed so well love money?
TEN. Do my wife's bees at home, think'st thou, love honey?
VAN. What wouldst thou do with it?
TEN. [Hesitating.] Chud, chud, chud, chud—
VAN. Chud, chud! what chud?
TEN. Chud—do no harm at all.
VAN. No, nor much good, I think, to great nor small.
But well, put case, I procure thee to speed,
You will remember your promise that I shall be fee'd.
TEN. God's vast, man, yea, chill do it, chill do it.
VAN. Stand there a while, and wait. [To FORTUNE.] Bright goddess, behold here again Tenacity, That humbly makes his suit to have money.
MON. For Money? ho, there! Money finds himself well:
Money now hath no liking from Fortune to dwell.
VAN. In vanum laboraverunt, come.
TEN. Now, good soot', honey, vair golden mustress,
Let poor Tenacity taste of thy goodness:
Thee che honour, thee che serve, thee che reverence,
And in thy help che put my whole confidence.
FOR. Money, you must go to him, there is no remedy.
MON. Yea, and be us'd as before with Prodigality!
TEN. Let Prodigality go to the gallows-tree!
Why, man, he and I are clean contrary.
I chill coll thee, chill cuss thee.
MON, So did he.
TEN. Chill save thee, chill spare thee, chill keep thee from wasting.
MON. So did not he.
Go to then, seeing that my mother's will is such,
To put it in adventure I may not grutch.
TEN. O my sweeting, my darling, my chewel, my joy,
My pleasure, my treasure, mine own pretty boy.
MON. How now? what mean you by this, Tenacity.
TEN. O, forbid me not to kiss my sweet Money.
Varewell, Vortune; and, Vortune, che thank thee alway.
Come on, surrah, chill make you vast, bum vay.
MON. What, with ropes? what needs that?
TEN. Vor vear of robbing by the highway. La, mi, fa, sol, fa; sol, mi, fa, re, mi.
[Exit TENACITY, and goeth to the inn for his ass.
SCENE IV.
Enter PRODIGALITY, DICK DICER, VANITY, and
[to them afterwards] TOM TOSS.
PROD. O monstrous, vile, filthy luck! see, in the twinkling of an eye,
Scarce knowing which way, I have quite lost my Money.
DICK. Out of all doubt, Prodigality, he is not gone yonder way.
PROD. Then seek some other course, make here no stay.
He must be found out, there is no remedy.
Thou know'st in what pickle we stand without Money.
DICK. Why, sure, Prodigality, it can be no other,
But he is returned to Fortune his mother.
PROD. Thinkest thou so?
Thou, Fortune, hearest thou? by fair means, I advise thee,
Restore my Money to me again: deal plainly and wisely;
Or by this sharp-edged sword, shalt see me play a proud part,
For I will have him again, in spite of thy heart.
VAN. Whom have we there, that keepeth such a coil.
PROD. Even he that will not put up such a foil.
VAN. What's the matter?
PROD. Vanity, to that dame thy mistress commend me,
Tell her—tell her, it doth not a little offend me,
To have my money in such great despite,
Taken so from me without any right.
What though it were once her own proper gift?
Yet given, 'tis mine own, there is no other shift.
Therefore charge her, in the name of Prodigality,
That he be restor'd to me incontinently,
Lest she repent it—
VAN. These be sore and cruel threat'nings, marry.
Is your haste so great, that by no means you may tarry?
PROD. I will not tarry, and therefore make haste.
VAN. Soft, sir, a little, there is no time pass'd.
You may tarry, you must tarry, for aught as I know:
Nay, then you shall tarry, whether you will or no.
[Exit.
DICER. 'Zwounds, sir, he mocks you.
PROD. Gibe not with me, you whoreson rascal slave!
For money I come, and money will I have.
Sirrah Vanity, Vanity! What, Vanity!
Speak and be hang'd, Vanity! What, will't not be?
DICER. What a prodigious knave, what a slave is this? [Aside.
PROD. Fortune, fine Fortune, you minion, if ye be wise,
Bethink ye betimes, take better advice:
Restore unto me my money quietly,
Else look for wars: Vanity, Fortune, Vanity!
DICER. Sir, you see it booteth not.
PROD. It is but my ill-luck.
Now the devil and his dam give them both suck!
What may we do? what counsel giv'st thou, Dick?
DICER. Marry, sir, be rul'd by me; I'll show you a trick,
How you may have him quickly.
PROD. As how?
DICER. Scale the walls: in at the window; by force fet him.
PROD. None better, in faith; fetch a ladder, and I will set him.
Fortune, thou injurious dame, thou shalt not by this villany
Have cause to triumph over Prodigality.
Why speak'st thou not? why speak'st thou not, I say?
Thy silence doth but breed thine own hurt and decay.
DICER. Here is a ladder.
PROD. Set it to.
[Here PRODIGALITY scaleth; FORTUNE claps a halter about his neck; he breaketh the halter, and falls.
PROD. 'Swounds! help, Dick: help quickly, or I am chok'd!
DICER. God-a-mercy, good halter, or else you had been yok'd!
PROD. O thou vile, ill-favoured, crow-trodden, pye-pecked ront!
Thou abominable, blind foul-filth,[400] is this thy wont:
First, maliciously to spoil men of their good,
And then by subtle sleights thus to seek their blood?
I abhor thee—I defy thee, wheresoever I go;
I do proclaim myself thy mortal foe.
[Enter TOM TOSS.][401]
TOM TOSS. News, Prodigality, news!
DICER. Good, and God will?
PROD. What news, Tom?
TOSS. I have met with Money.
PROD. Where?
TOSS. Marry, sir, he is going into a strange country
With an old chuff, called Tenacity.
PROD. Tenacity? is that tinker's budget so full of audacity?
TOSS. 'Tis true.
PROD. May we not overtake him?
TOSS. Yes, easily with good horses.
PROD. Let's go then, for God's sake; we'll catch him in a trap.
DICER and TOSS. Go; we will go with you, whatever shall hap.
[Exeunt.
SCENE V.
Enter VANITY.[402]
VAN. O rotten rope, that thou must be so brittle!
Hadst thou but happened to have held a little,
I had taught my princocks against another time
So to presume Dame Fortune's bower to climb.
To make such a 'scape, his hap was very good:
Well, he 'scaped fair, I swear by the rood:
But will you have me say my fantasy,
Quod differtur, non aufertur; for assuredly
The gentleman will never hold himself quiet,
Till once more he come to taste of this diet.
Mark the end.
FOR. Vanity! [From a window.
VAN. Madam.
FOR. Is this roister gone?
VAN. Yea, madam, he is gone.
FOR. Then get thee anon,
And cause my attendants to come away,
For here as now I will no longer stay,
But prosecute this foe of mine so fast
By mischiefs all I may, that at the last
He shall arrive unto a wretched end,
And with repentance learn how to offend
A goddess of my state and dignity.
VAN. Lady, to do your will I hasten willingly.
[VANITY exit.
FORTUNE comes down.
FOR. Dame Fortune's power, her most exceeding might,
Is known by this as an undoubted thing:
Since here most plainly hath appear'd in sight,
How all the world doth hang upon her wing,
How high and low, of all states and degrees,
Do rise and fall again, as she decrees.
Then let not Virtue think it scorn to yield
To Fortune, chief of power, chief sovereignty:
Sith Fortune here by proof hath won the field,
Subdu'd her foes, and got the victory:
For as she list to favour, else to frown,
She hoisteth up, or headlong hurleth down.
[Enter VANITY again.][403]
VAN. Madam, here are your vassals ready prest,
To do the thing that Fortune liketh best.
FOR. Well, then, come on to witness this our victory;
Depart we hence with sound of fame triumphantly.
[Cries of Reverence, due reverence!