SCENE IX.
Pandolfo at the window, Trincalo.
Pan. O precious piece of villany! are you unchang'd?
How confident the rogue dares walk the streets!
Trin. And then such quarrelling! never a suit
I wore to-day but hath been soundly basted: only
this faithful country-case 'scaped fist-free; and, be
it spoken in a good hour, was never beaten yet,
since it came from fulling.
Pan. Base, treacherous villain!
[Beats him.
Trin. Is this the recompense of my day's work?
Pan. You marry me to patience! there's patience,
And that you freeze not, there's warm patience,
She's a good bed-fellow: have patience.
Trin. You'll beat me out on't, sir. How have I wrong'd you?
Pan. So as deserves th' expression of my fury,
With th' cruel'st tortures I can execute.
Trin. You kill me, sir.
Pan. Have patience.
Trin. Pray you, sir!
Pan. Seek not by humble penitence t' appease me:
Nothing can satisfy.
Trin. Farewell, humility;
Now am I beaten sober.
[Takes away Pandolfo's staff.
Shall age and weakness master my youth and strength?
Now speak your pleasure: what's my fault?
Pan. Dar'st deny
Thy own act, done before so many witnesses,
Suborn'd by others, and betray my confidence
With such a stony impudence?
Trin. I have been faithful
In all you trusted me.
Pan. To them, not me.
O, what a proem, stuff'd with grave advice
And learned counsel, you could show'r upon me
Before the thunder of your deadly sentence!
And give away my mistress with a scoff!
Trin. I give your mistress?
Pan. Didst not thou decree,
Contrary t' our compact, against my marriage?
Trin. Why, when was I your judge?
Pan. Just now here.
Trin. See your error!
Then was I fast lock'd in Antonio's cellar:
Where, making virtue of necessity,
I drank stark drunk, and waking, found myself
Cloth'd in this farmer's suit, as in the morning.
Pan. Didst not thou swear to enter Antonio's house,
And give me Flavia for my wife, and after,
Before my own face, gav'st her to my son?
Trin. Ha, ha, ha!
[Whilst Trincalo laughs and lets fall the staff, Pandolfo recovers it, and beats him.
Pan. Canst thou deny it?
Trin. Ha, ha, ha!
Have you got Mistress Patience? Ha, ha, ha!
Pan. Is not this true?
Trin. Ha, ha, ha!
Pan. Answer me.
Trin. Ha, ha, ha wan!
Pan. Was't not thus?
Trin. I answer: first,
I never was transform'd,
But gull'd, as you were, by th' astrologer,
And those that called me Antonio. To prove
This true, the gentleman you spoke with was Antonio—
The right Antonio, safely return'd from Barbary.
Pan. O me, what's this?
Trin. Truth itself.
Pan. Was't not thou that gav'st the sentence?
Trin. Believe me, no such matter:
I ne'er was gentleman, nor otherwise
Than what I am, unless 'twere when I was drunk.
Pan. How have I been deceiv'd! good Trincalo,
Pardon me, I have wrong'd thee.
Trin. Pardon you?
When you have beaten me to paste, Good Trincalo,
Pardon me!
Pan. I am sorry for't; excuse me.
Trin. I am sorry I can't[357] excuse you. But I pardon you.
Pan. Now tell me, where's the plate and cloth of silver,
The gold and jewels, that the astrologer
Committed to thy keeping?
Trin. What plate, what jewels?
He gave me none. But, when he went to change me,
After a thousand circles and ceremonies,
He binds me fast upon a form, and blinds me
With a thick table-napkin. Not long after
Unbinds my head and feet, and gives me light;
And then I plainly saw that I saw nothing:
The parlour was clean swept of all was in't.
Pan. O me! O me!
Trin. What ails you, sir? what ails you?
Pan. I am undone! I have lost my love, my plate,
My whole estate, and with the rest myself.
Trin. Lose not your patience too. Leave this lamenting,
And lay the town; you may recover it.
Pan. 'Tis to small purpose. In, and hold thy peace.
[Exit Trincalo.