Part III
When old man Trimble stood before the fireplace at midnight that night, stuffing little parcels into the deep, borrowed stocking, he chuckled noiselessly, and glanced with affection towards the corner of the room where his young wife lay sleeping. He was a fat old man, and as he stood with shaking sides in his loose, home-made pajamas, he would have done credit to a more conscious impersonation of old Santa himself.
His task finally done, he glanced down at a tall bundle that stood on the floor almost immediately in front of him, moved back with his hands resting on his hips, and thoughtfully surveyed it.
“Well, ef anybody had ’a’ told it on me I never would ’a’ believed it,” he said, under his breath. “The idee o’ me, Ephe Trimble, settin’ up sech a thing ez that in his house—at my time o’ life.” Then glancing towards the sleeper, he added, with a chuckle, “an’ ef they’d ’a’ prophesied it I wouldn’t ’a’ believed sech ez thet, neither—at my time o’ life—bless her little curly head.”
He sat down on the floor beside the bundle, clipped the twine, and cautiously pushed back the wrappings. Then, rising, he carefully set each piece of the water-set up above the stocking on the mantel. He did not stop to examine it. He was anxious to get it in place without noise.
It made a fine show, even in the dim, unsteady light of a single taper that burned in its tumbler of oil close beside the bed. Indeed, when it arose in all its splendor, he was very much impressed.
“A thing like that ought to have a chandelier to set it off right,” he thought—“yas, and she’ll have one, too—she’ll have anything she wants—thet I can give her.”
Sleep came slowly to the old man that night, and even long after his eyes were closed, the silver things seemed arrayed in line upon his mental retina. And when, after a long while, he fell into a troubled slumber, it was only to dream. And in his dream old Judge Robinson’s mother-in-law seemed to come and stand before him—black dress, side curls, and all—and when he looked at her for the first time in his life unabashed—she began to bow, over and over again, and to say with each salutation, “Be seated”—“be seated”—“be seated,” getting farther and farther away with each bow until she was a mere speck in the distance—and then the speck became a spot of white, and he saw that the old lady had taken on a spout and a handle, and that she was only an ice-pitcher, tilting, and tilting, and tilting,—while from the yellow spout came a fine metallic voice saying, “Be seated”—“be seated”—again and again. Then there would be a change. Two ladies would appear approaching each other and retreating—turning into two ice-pitchers, tilting to each other, then passing from tilting pitchers to bowing ladies, until sometimes there seemed almost to be a pitcher and a lady in view at the same time. When he began to look for them both at once the dream became tantalizing. Twin ladies and twin pitchers—but never quite clearly a lady and a pitcher. Even while the vision tormented him it held him fast—perhaps because he was tired, having lost his first hours of sleep.
He was still sleeping soundly, spite of the dissolving views of the novel panorama, when above the two voices that kept inviting him to “be seated,” there arose, in muffled tones at first, and then with distressing distinctness, a sound of sobbing. It made the old man turn on his pillow even while he slept, for it was the voice of a woman, and he was tender of heart. It seemed in the dream and yet not of it—this awful, suppressed sobbing that disturbed his slumber, but was not quite strong enough to break it. But presently, instead of the muffled sob, there came a cumulative outburst, like that of a too hard-pressed turkey-gobbler forced to the wall. He thought it was the old black gobbler at first, and he even said, “Shoo,” as he sprang from his bed. But a repetition of the sound sent him bounding through the open door into the dining-room, dazed and trembling.
Seated beside the dining-table there, with her head buried in her arms, sat his little wife. Before her, ranged in line upon the table, stood the silver water-set—her present to him. He was beside her in a moment—leaning over her, his arms about her shoulders.
“Why, honey,” he exclaimed, “what on earth——”
At this she only cried the louder. There was no further need for restraint. The old man scratched his head. He was very much distressed.
“Why, honey,” he repeated, “tell its old man all about it. Didn’t it like the purty pitcher thet its old husband bought for it? Was it too big—or too little—or too heavy for it to tote all the way out here from that high mantel? Why didn’t it wake up its lazy ol’ man and make him pack it out here for it?”
It was no use. She was crying louder than ever. He did not know what to do. He began to be cold and he saw that she was shivering. There was no fire in the dining-room. He must do something. “Tell its old man what it would ’a’ ruther had,” he whispered in her ear, “jest tell him, ef it don’t like its pitcher——”
At this she made several efforts to speak, her voice breaking in real turkey-gobbler sobs each time, but finally she managed to wail:
“It ain’t m-m-m-mi-i-i-ne!”
“Not yours! Why, honey. What can she mean? Did it think I bought it for anybody else? Ain’t yours! Well, I like that. Lemme fetch that lamp over here till you read the writin’ on the side of it, an’ I’ll show you whose it is.” He brought the lamp.
“Read that, now. Why, honey! Wh-wh-wh-what in thunder an’ lightnin’! They’ve done gone an’ reversed it. The fool’s put my name first—‘Ephraim N. Trimble. From—his——’
“Why Jerusalem jinger!
“No wonder she thought I was a low-down dog—to buy sech a thing an’ mark it in my own name—no wonder—here on Christmus, too. The idee o’ Rowton not seein’ to it thet it was done right——”
By this time the little woman had somewhat recovered herself. Still, she stammered fearfully.
“R-r-r-owton ain’t never s-s-s-saw that pitcher. It come from L-l-l-awson’s, d-d-down at Washin’ton, an’ I b-brought it for y-y-y-you!”
“Why, honey-darlin’—” A sudden light came into the old man’s eyes. He seized the lamp and hurried to the door of the bed-chamber, and looked in. This was enough. Perhaps it was mean—but he could not help it—he set the lamp down on the table, dropped into a chair, and fairly howled with laughter.
“No wonder I dremp’ ol’ Mis’ Meredy was twins!” he screamed. “Why, h-h-honey,” he was nearly splitting his old sides—“why, honey, I ain’t seen a thing but these two swingin’ pitchers all night. They’ve been dancin’ before me—them an’ what seemed like a pair o’ ol’ Mis’ Meredys, an’ between ’em all I ain’t slep’ a wink.”
“N-n-either have I. An’ I dremp’ about ol’ Mis’ M-m-m-eredy, too. I dremp’ she had come to live with us—an’ thet y-y-you an’ me had moved into the back o’ the house. That’s why I got up. I couldn’t sleep easy, an’ I thought I might ez well git up an’ see wh-wh-what you’d brought me. But I didn’t no mor’n glance at it. But you can’t say you didn’t sleep, for you was a-s-s-snorin’ when I come out here——”
“An’ so was you, honey, when I ’ranged them things on the mantel. Lemme go an’ git the other set an’ compare ’em. That one I picked out is mighty purty.”
“I’ll tell you befo’ you fetch ’em thet they’re exactly alike”—she began to cry again—“even to the p-p-polar bear. I saw that at a glance, an’ it makes it s-s-so much more ridic’——”
“Hush, honey. I’m reely ashamed of you—I reely am. Seems to me ef they’re jest alike so much the better. What’s the matter with havin’ a pair of ’em? We might use one for butter-milk.”
“Th-that would be perfectly ridiculous. A polar bear’d look like a fool on a buttermilk pitcher. N-n-no, the place for pitchers like them is in halls, on tables, where anybody comin’ in can see ’em, an’ stop an’ git a drink. They couldn’t be nothin’ tackier’n pourin’ buttermilk out of a’ ice-pitcher.”
“Of co’se, if you say so, we won’t—I jest thought maybe—or, I tell you what we might do. I could easy take out a panel o’ banisters out of the side po’ch, an’ put in a pair o’ stair-steps, so ez to make a sort o’ side entrance to the house, an’ we could set one of ’em in it. It would make the pitcher come a little high, of co’se, but it would set off that side o’ the house lovely, an’ ef you say so——
“Lemme go git ’em all out here together.”
As he trudged in presently loaded up with the duplicate set he said, “I wonder ef you know what time it is, wife?”
She glanced over her shoulder at the clock on the wall.
“Don’t look at that. It’s six o’clock last night by that. I forgot to wind her up. No, it’s half-past three o’clock—that’s all it is.” By this time he had placed his water-set beside hers upon the table. “Why, honey,” he exclaimed, “where on earth? I don’t see a sign of a’ inscription on this—an’ what is this paper in the spout? Here, you read it, wife, I ain’t got my specs.”
“Too busy to mark to-day—send back after Christmas—sorry.
“Rowton.”
“Why, it—an’ here’s another paper. What can this be, I wonder?”
“To my darling wife, from her affectionate husband.”
The little wife colored as she read it.
“Oh, that ain’t nothin’ but the motter he was to print on it. But ain’t it lucky thet he didn’t do it? I’ll change it—that’s what I’ll do—for anything you say. There, now. Don’t that fix it?”
She was very still for a moment—very thoughtful. “An’ affectionate is a mighty expensive word, too,” she said, slowly, glancing over the intended inscription, in her husband’s handwriting. “Yes. Your pitcher don’t stand for a thing but generosity—an’ mine don’t mean a thing but selfishness. Yes, take it back, cert’nly, that is ef you’ll get me anything I want for it. Will you?”
“Shore. They’s a cow-topped butter-dish an’ no end o’ purty little things out there you might like. An’ ef it’s goin’ back, it better be a-goin’. I can ride out to town an’ back befo’ breakfast. Come, kiss me, wife.”
She threw both arms around her old husband’s neck, and kissed him on one cheek and then on the other. Then she kissed his lips. And then, as she went for pen and paper, she said: “Hurry, now, an’ hitch up, an’ I’ll be writin’ down what I want in exchange—an’ you can put it in yo’ pocket.”
In a surprisingly short time the old man was on his way—a heaped basket beside him, a tiny bit of writing in his pocket. When he had turned into the road he drew rein for a moment, lit a match, and this is what he read:
My dear Husband,—I want one silver-mounted brier-wood pipe and a smoking set—a nice lava one—and I want a set of them fine overhauls like them that Mis Pope give Mr. Pope that time I said she was too extravagant, and if they’s any money left over I want some nice tobacco, the best. I want all the price of the ice-set took up even to them affectionate words they never put on.
Your affectionate and loving wife,
Kitty.
When Ephraim put the little note back in his pocket, he took out his handkerchief and wiped his eyes.
Her good neighbors and friends, even as far as Simpkinsville and Washington, had their little jokes over Mis’ Trimble’s giving her splendor-despising husband a swinging ice-pitcher, but they never knew of the two early trips of the twin pitcher, nor of the midnight comedy in the Trimble home.
But the old man often recalls it, and as he sits in his front hall smoking his silver-mounted pipe, and shaking its ashes into the lava bowl that stands beside the ice-pitcher at his elbow, he sometimes chuckles to himself.
Noticing his shaking shoulders as he sat thus one day his wife turned from the window, where she stood watering her geraniums, and said:
“What on earth are you a-laughin’ at, honey?” (She often calls him “honey” now.)
“How did you know I was a-laughin’?” He looked over his shoulder at her as he spoke.
“Why, I seen yo’ shoulders a-shakin’—that’s how.” And then she added, with a laugh, “An’ now I see yo’ reflection in the side o’ the ice-pitcher, with a zig-zag grin on you a mile long—yo’ smile just happened to strike a iceberg.”
He chuckled again.
“Is that so? Well, the truth is, I’m just sort o’ tickled over things in general, an’ I’m a-settin’ here gigglin’, jest from pure contentment.”