MISCELLANEOUS.
ON SIR JOHN VANBRUGH, THE ARCHITECT.
Lie heavy on him, earth; for he
Laid many heavy loads on thee.—Evans.
THE ORATOR’S EPITAPH.
Here, reader, turn your weeping eyes,
My fate a useful moral teaches;
The hole in which my body lies
Would not contain one-half my speeches.—Brougham.
IN LYDFORD CHURCHYARD, NEAR DARTMOOR.
Here lies, in horizontal position,
the outside Case of
George Routleigh, Watchmaker;
Integrity was the Mainspring, and prudence the
Regulator,
of all the actions of his life.
Humane, generous, and liberal,
his Hand never stopped,
till he had relieved distress.
So nicely regulated were all his Motions,
that he never went wrong,
except when set a-going
by people
who did not know his Key:
Even then he was easily
set right again.
He had the art of disposing his time so well,
that his Hours kept running on
in a continual round of pleasure,
till an unlucky Minute put a stop to
his existence.
He departed this life Nov. 14, 1802, æt. 57,
in hopes of being taken in hand
by his Maker;
and of being thoroughly Cleaned, Repaired,
Wound up, and Set a-going
in the world to come.
AT KITTERY, MAINE.
I was drowned, alas! in the deep, deep seases.
The blessed Lord does as he pleases.
But my Kittery friends did soon appear,
And laid my body right down here.
ON A SAN FRANCISCO MONEY-LENDER.
Here lies old thirty-five per cent.:
The more he made, the more he lent;
The more he got, the more he craved;
The more he made, the more he shaved;
Great God! can such a soul be saved?
ON AN IMPORTUNATE TAILOR.
Here lies W. W.,
Who never more will trouble you, trouble you.
IN SOHAM CHURCHYARD, CAMBRIDGESHIRE.
A.D. 1643, Ætatis suæ 125.
Here lies Dr. Ward, whom you knew well before;
He was kind to his neighbors, good to the poor.
1 2 3 4 5 6
To God, to Prince, Wife, kindred, friend, the poor,
1 2 3 4 5 6
Religious, loyal, true, kind, stedfast, dear,
1 2 3 4 5 6
In zeal, faith, love, blood, amity, and store,
He hath so lived, and so deceased, lies here.
IN THE CHURCH OF ST. GREGORY, SUDBURY.
Viator, mirum referam.
Quo die efflavit animam Thos. Carter, prædictus,
Acus foramen transivit Camelus Sudburiensis.
Vade, et si dives sis, tu fac similiter.
Vale.
(Traveller, I will relate a prodigy. On the day whereon the aforesaid Thos. Carter breathed out his soul, a Sudbury camel passed through the eye of a needle. Go, and if thou art wealthy, do thou likewise. Farewell.)
IN LLANBEBLIG, CARNARVONSHIRE.
Of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Here lie the remains of Thomas Chambers,
Dancing Master;
Whose genteel address and assiduity
in Teaching
Recommended him to all that had the
Pleasure of his acquaintance.
ON AN INFIDEL.
From the Latin.
Beneath this stone the mouldering relics lie
Of one to whom Religion spoke in vain;
He lived as though he never were to die,
And died as though he ne’er should live again.
PROPOSED BY A FRENCH THEOLOGIAN FOR VOLTAIRE.
In poesi magnus,
In historia parvus,
In philosophia minimus,
In religione nullus.
Hume, the classic historian of England, denied the existence of matter, and held that the whole congeries of material things are but impressions and ideas in the mind, distinguishing an impression from an idea by its stronger effect on the thinking faculty. Dr. Beattie sufficiently exposed the absurdity; but his famous essay has nothing more pointed than the witty epitaph that somebody wrote on the marble shaft that stands over the infidel’s grave:—
Beneath this circular idea, vulgarly called tomb,
Impressions and ideas rest, which constituted Hume.
ON TOM PAINE.
Tom Paine for the Devil is surely a match.
In leaving old England he cheated Jack Ketch;
In France (the first time such a thing had been seen)
He cheated the watchful and sharp guillotine;
And at last, to the sorrow of all the beholders,
He marched out of life with his head on his shoulders.