SWIFT’S LATIN PUNS.
Among the nugæ of Dean Swift are his celebrated Latin puns, some of which are well known, having been frequently copied, and having never been excelled. The following selections will serve as specimens. They consist entirely of Latin words; but, by allowing for false spelling, and running the words into each other, the sentences make good sense in English:—
| Mollis abuti, | (Moll is a beauty, |
| Has an acuti, | Has an acute eye, |
| No lasso finis, | No lass so fine is, |
| Molli divinis. | Molly divine is. |
| Omi de armis tres, | O my dear mistress, |
| Imi na dis tres, | I’m in a distress, |
| Cantu disco ver | Can’t you discover |
| Meas alo ver? | Me as a lover?) |
In a subsequent epistolary allusion to this, he says:—
I ritu a verse o na molli o mi ne,
Asta lassa me pole, a lædis o fine;
I ne ver neu a niso ne at in mi ni is;
A manat a glans ora sito fer diis.
De armo lis abuti hos face an hos nos is,
As fer a sal illi, as reddas aro sis;
Ac is o mi molli is almi de lite;
Illo verbi de, an illo verbi nite.
(I writ you a verse on a Molly o’ mine,
As tall as a may pole, a lady so fine;
I never knew any so neat in mine eyes;
A man, at a glance or a sight of her, dies.
Dear Molly’s a beauty, whose face and whose nose is
As fair as a lily, as red as a rose is;
A kiss o’ my Molly is all my delight;
I love her by day, and I love her by night.)
Extract from the consultation of four physicians on a lord that was dying
1st Doctor. Is his honor sic? Præ lætus felis pulse. It do es beat veris loto de.
2d Doctor. No notis as qui cassi e ver fel tu metri it. Inde edit is as fastas an alarum, ora fire bellat nite.
3d Doctor. It is veri hei!
4th Doctor. Noto contra dictu in my juge mentitis veri loto de. It is as orto maladi, sum callet. [Here e ver id octo reti resto a par lori na mel an coli post ure.]
1st D. It is a me gri mas I opi ne.
2d D. No docto rite quit fora quin si. Heris a plane sim tomo fit. Sorites Paracelsus. Præ re adit.
1st D. Nono, Doctor, I ne ver quo te aqua casu do.
2d D. Sum arso; mi autoris no ne.
3d D. No quare lingat præ senti de si re. His honor is sic offa colli casure as I sit here.
4th D. It is æther an atro phi ora colli casu sed: Ire membri re ad it in Doctor me ades esse, here it is.
3d D. I ne ver re ad apage in it, no re ver in tendit.
2d D. Fer ne is offa qui te di ferent noti o nas i here.
1st D. It me bea pluri si; avo metis veri pro perfor a man at his age.
1st D. Is his honor sick? Pray let us feel his pulse. It does beat very slow to-day.
2d D. No, no, ’tis as quick as ever I felt; you may try it. Indeed, it is as fast as an alarum, or a fire-bell at night.
3d D. It is very high.
4th D. Not to contradict you, in my judgment it is very slow to day. It is a sort of malady, some call it. (Here every doctor retires to a parlor in a melancholy posture.)
1st D. It is a megrim, as I opine.
2d D. No, doctor, I take it for a quinsy. Here is a plain symptom of it. So writes Paracelsus. Pray read it.
1st D. No, no, doctor, I never quote a quack as you do.
2d D. Some are so; my author is none.
3d D. No quarrelling at present, I desire. His honor is sick of a colic as sure as I sit here.
4th D. It is either an atrophy, or a colic, as you said. I remember I read it in Dr. Mead’s Essay: here it is.
3d D. I never read a page in it, nor ever intend it.
2d D. Ferne is of a quite different notion, as I hear.
1st D. It may be a pleurisy; a vomit is very proper for a man at his age.
2d D. Ure par donat præsanti des ire; His dis eas is a cata ride clare it.
3d D. Atlas tume findit as tone in his quid ni es.
4th D. Itis ale pro si fora uti se. Ab lis ter me bene cessa risum de cens. Itis as ure medi in manicas es.
3d D. I findit isto late tot hinc offa reme di; fori here his honor is de ad.
2d D. His ti meis cum.
1st D. Is it trudo ut hinc?
4th D. It is veri certa in. His Paris his belli sto ringo ut foris de partu re.
3d D. Næ i fis ecce lens is de ad lætus en dum apri esto præ foris sole.
2d D. Your pardon at present I desire. His disease is a catarrh, I declare it.
3d D. At last you may find it a stone in his kidneys.
4th D. It is a leprosy for aught I see. A blister may be necessary some days hence. It is a sure remedy in many cases.
3d D. I find it is too late to think of a remedy; for I hear his honor is dead.
2d D. His time is come.
1st D. Is it true, do you think?
4th D. It is very certain. His parish bell is to ring out for his departure.
3d D. Nay, if his excellency’s dead, let us send ’em a priest to pray for his soul.