A Bovlster Lectvre.

"Dum Loquor icta taces."

"Surdu canis."

This wife a wondrous racket meanes to keepe,

While th'Husband seemes to sleepe but do'es not sleepe:

But she might full as well her Lecture smother,

For ent'ring one Eare, it goes out at t'other.

The accompanying quaint illustration shows the antiquity of "Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures."[¹¹⁴]

[¹¹⁴] At p. 107 the very phrase is mentioned, "These need not feare to have their shoulders besprinkled with Zantippee's livery; or to have their breakfast chang'd into a Morning Curtaine Lecture."

[5.]A friend of Durus comming on a day

To visite him, finding the doores say nay;

Being lock'd fast up, first knocks, and then doth pause,

As Lord have mercy on's [¹¹⁵] had bin the cause;

But missing it, he ask't a neighbour by

When the rich Durus' (doors) were lock'd and why?

He said it was a Custome growne of late

At diner time to lock your great man's gate,

Durus' his poor friend admir'd & thought the door

Was not for State lock'd up, but 'gainst the poore,

And thence departing empty of good cheere,

Said, Lord have mercy on us is not there.

[¹¹⁵] Houses visited by the plague were marked by a cross chalked on the door, and also the words, "Lord have mercy on us."

[72.]A Man there was, who liv'd a merry life,

Till in the end he tooke him to a Wife;

One that no image was (for shee could speake)

And now and then her husbands costrell [¹¹⁶] breake:

So fierce she was and furious, as in summe,

She was an arrant Devill of her tongue.

This drove the poore man to a discontent,

And oft, and many times did he repent

That e're hee chang'd his former quiet state,

But 'las, repentance then did come too late.

No cure he finde to cure this maladie,

But makes a vertue of necessitie,

The common cure for care to every man,

"A potte of nappy Ale:" where he began

To fortifie his braine 'gainst all should come,

'Mongst which the clamour of his wives loud tongue

This habit graffed [¹¹⁷] in him grew so strong,

That when he was from Ale, an houre seem'd long,

So well hee lik'd th' profession: on a Time

Having staid long at pot (for rule nor line

Limits no drunkard) even from Morne to Night,

He hasted home apace, by the Moone-light:

Where as he went, what phantasies were bred,

I doe not know, in his distempered head,

But a strange Ghost appear'd, and forc'd him stay,

With which perplext, hee thus began to say:

"Good Spirit, if thou be, I need no charme,

For well I know, thou wilt not doe mee harme;

And if the Devill; sure mee thou shoulds't not hurt,

I wed't thy Sister, and am plagued for't."

The Spirit, well approving what he said,

Dissolv'd to ayre, and quickly vanished.

[¹¹⁶] Head.

[¹¹⁷] Grafted.

[17.] A Taylor sent his bill to a Lawyer for money; the Lawyer bid the Boy tell his Master, that he was not running away (being very busie at that time). The Boy comes again, and tells him he must needs have his money. Did'st tell him, I was not running away? Yes Sir, but he bid me tell you, that though you were not running away, yet he was.

[17.] A Schollar was lock'd out of Wadham Colledge, and about ten a Clock he came and knockt; the Porter came to the Gate, and told him the Warden had took up the keys with him: Pray, says he to the Porter, go to the Warden, and tell him I am here: Truly, Sir, says he, the Warden is angry with me already, I dare not do it: but if you'll go your self, it may be he'll give you the keys.

[5.]He's rich that hath great in-comes by the year;

Then that great belly'd man is rich, Ile swear:

For sure, his belly ne'r so big had bin,

Had he not daily had great comings in.

[26.] One meeting a mad Fellow that was drunk, ask't him whither he was going? says he, I am going to the Tavern: No, says t'other, that you are not; for Drunkenness is the way to Hell, and thither you are going. Puh, says the Drunkard, you are therein much mistaken; and I ne'r fear that, for I am so drunk, that my Legs are not able to carry me so far; and what need I go thither agen, for I came from the Devil [¹¹⁸] (Tavern) but now.

[¹¹⁸] In Fleet Street, close by where Temple Bar stood, now Messrs. Childs' Bank.