Land of play: Verses, rhymes, stories

by Unknown

A CONTEST BETWEEN NOSE AND EYES

Between Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose.

The spectacles set them unhappily wrong;

The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,

To which the sad spectacles ought to belong.

So Tongue was the lawyer and argued the cause

With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learning;

While Chief-Baron Ear sat to balance the laws,

So famed for his talent in nicely discerning.

“In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear,

And your lordship,” he said, “will undoubtedly find

That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear,

Which amounts to possession time out of mind.”

Then holding the spectacles up to the Court—

“Your lordship observes they are made with a straddle,

As wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short,

Designed to sit close to it, just like a saddle.

“Again, would your lordship a moment suppose

(’Tis a case that has happened, and may be again),

That the visage or countenance had not a nose,

Pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles then?

“On the whole it appears, and my argument shows,

With a reasoning the Court will never condemn,

That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose,

And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.”

Then shifting his side (as a lawyer knows how),

He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes;

But what were his arguments few people know,

For the Court did not think they were equally wise.

So his lordship decreed with a brave solemn tone,

Decisive and clear, without one if or but—

“That whenever the Nose put his spectacles on,

By daylight or candlelight—Eyes should be shut!”

—William Cowper.

To err is human, to forgive divine.

—Alexander Pope.

The man that hails you Tom or Jack,

And proves by thumping on your back,

His sense of your great merit,

Is such a friend that one had need

Be very much his friend, indeed,

To pardon or to bear it.

—William Cowper.

Out in the Cold.

The Old Woman and Her Pig.

An old woman was sweeping her house, and she found a little crooked sixpence. “What,” said she, “shall I do with this little sixpence? I will go to market, and buy a little pig.” As she was coming home, she came to a stile; the piggy would not go over the stile.

She went a little farther, and she met a dog. So she said to the dog—

“Dog, dog, bite pig;

Piggy won’t get over the stile;

And I shan’t get home to-night.”

But the dog would not.

She went a little farther, and she met a stick. So she said—

“Stick, stick, beat dog;

Dog won’t bite pig;

Piggy won’t get over the stile;

And I shan’t get home to-night.”

But the stick would not. She went a little farther, and she met a fire. So she said—

“Fire, fire, burn stick;

Stick won’t beat dog;

Dog won’t bite pig;

Piggy won’t get over the stile;

And I shan’t get home to-night.”

But the fire would not.

She went a little farther, and she met some water. So she said—

“Water, water, quench fire;

Fire won’t burn stick;” etc.

But the water would not.

She went a little farther, and she met an ox. So she said—

“Ox, ox, drink water;

Water won’t quench fire;” etc.

But the ox would not.

She went a little farther, and she met a butcher. So she said—

“Butcher, butcher, kill ox;

Ox won’t drink water;” etc.

But the butcher would not. She went a little farther, and she met a rope. So she said—

“Rope, rope, hang butcher;

Butcher won’t kill ox;” etc.

But the rope would not. She went a little farther, and she met a rat. So she said—

“Rat, rat, gnaw rope;

Rope won’t hang butcher;” etc.

But the rat would not.

She went a little farther, and she met a cat. So she said—

“Cat, cat, kill rat;

Rat won’t gnaw rope;” etc.

But the cat said to her, “If you will go to yonder cow, and fetch me a saucer of milk, I will kill the rat.” So away went the old woman to the cow, and said—

“Cow, cow, give me a saucer of milk;

Cat won’t kill rat;” etc.

But the cow said to her, “If you will go to yonder haymakers, and fetch me a wisp of hay, I’ll give you the milk.” So away went the old woman to the haymakers, and said—

“Haymakers, give me a wisp of hay;

Cow won’t give me milk;” etc.

But the haymakers said to her, “If you will go to yonder stream, and fetch us a bucket of water, we’ll give you the hay.” So away the old woman went; but when she got to the stream, she found the bucket was full of holes. So she covered the bottom with pebbles, and then filled the bucket with water, and away she went back with it to the haymakers; and they gave her a wisp of hay. As soon as the cow had eaten the hay, she gave the old woman the milk; and away she went with it in a saucer to the cat. As soon as the cat had lapped up the milk—

The cat began to kill the rat;

The rat began to gnaw the rope;

The rope began to hang the butcher;

The butcher began to kill the ox;

The ox began to drink the water;

The water began to quench the fire;

The fire began to burn the stick;

The stick began to beat the dog;

The dog began to bite the pig;

The little pig in a fright jumped over the stile;

And so the old woman got home that night.

As Tommy Snooks.

As Tommy Snooks and Bessy Brooks

Were walking out one Sunday,

Says Tommy Snooks to Bessy Brooks,

“To-morrow will be Monday.”

As Tittymouse sat.

As Tittymouse sat in the witty to spin,

Pussy came to her and bid her good e’en.

“Oh, what are you doing, my little ’oman?”

“A-spinning a doublet for my gude man.”

“Then shall I come to thee and wind up thy thread?”

“Oh, no, Mr. Puss, you will bite off my head.”