HOW TO GROW A PINK OF FASHION
This Pink must be planted in the most aristocratic soil. The mould should be the very mould of form. It grows mostly in the open air, and Belgravia may be looked upon as the great nursery for these Pinks. Several favourable specimens, also, have been reared at the theatres, the Italian and French operas, and similar fashionable forcing houses. It is met with in great profusion at the balls of the nobility. The latter specimen, however, cannot bear the daylight. It is put into a hot bed the first thing when carried home in the morning, and there it remains closed up and almost dead until the evening, when it just begins to lift its drooping head. It is about twelve o'clock at night that it is seen to the most blooming advantage. Your Pink of Fashion is watered with a liquid called champagne, and, if it is at all faint, a little piece of chicken and ham, and a few crumbs of bread, applied to the mouth of the delicate flower, will revive it wonderfully. It is a very tender plant, though it has been known to bloom for two or three seasons. The greatest care, however, is requisite to keep it from the cold, for its beauty is so sensitive, that the slightest neglect will nip it in the bud. The Pink is of several colours, but the white with a beautiful maiden blush is the specimen the most preferred. This Pink usually carries its head very high, and, though not distinguished for any particular amount of scents, still it is eagerly taken in hand in society for its (s)talk. The Pink of Fashion is mostly single, but cases of double Pinks have been recorded. The double (or married) Pink, however, does not excite one half the interest of the one that is single.
Music at Home.—Mrs. Smith (fortissimo, to Mrs. Brown, in one of those sudden and unexpected pauses with which Herr Signor Hammerantonga is fond of surprising his audience). "And so I gave her a month's warning on the spot!"
Farmer Twentystone, from Mudshire, visits his recently married niece at Lavender Villas, Brixton.
Housemaid. "Will you sit down, if you please, sir?"
FEBRUARY 14
Mistress. "So you want me to read this love-letter to you?"
Maid. "If ye plaze, mam. And I've brought ye some cotton-wool ye can stuff in yer ears while ye rade it!"
Her Ladyship (who has been away from home for Christmas). "Well, Blundell, I hope you all had an enjoyable Christmas dinner?" Blundell. "Yes, thank you, my lady. Ahem! I—er—took the liberty of obtaining—in the absence of your ladyship—the biggest goose procurable!"
Brass.—Sympathetic Old Lady. "Oh dear, dear! I do so feel, Mabel, for that poor man with the long trumpet."—(She must mean the trombone in this street band.)—"All through the piece, dear, he's been trying to fix it right, and he can't do it, poor fellow!!"
Sisters! (Before the ball.)—Pierrette (changing the subject after a recent tiff in which she has come off victorious). "This glass is better, Rose. I can see myself here beautifully!" Pompadour (seeing her opportunity). "Plainly, I suppose you mean."
Sentimental Youth (to partner shaken by a passing tremor). "Oh, I hope you don't feel cold?" She. "Not at all, thanks. Only 'the grey goose walking over my grave.'" Sentimental Youth (with effusion). "Happy goose!"