A SONG OF THE ROAD
Tinkle, twinkle, motor-car,
Just to tell us where you are,
While about the streets you fly
Like a comet in the sky.
When the blazing sun is "off,"
When the fog breeds wheeze and cough,
Round the corners as you scour
With your dozen miles an hour—
Then the traveller in the dark,
Growling some profane remark,
Would not know which way to go
While you're rushing to and fro.
On our fears, then, as you gloat
(Ours who neither "bike" nor "mote"),
Just to tell us where you are—
Tinkle, twinkle, motor-car.
"Motor Body."—"One man can change from a tonneau to a landaulette, shooting brake, or racing car in two minutes, and, when fixed, cannot be told from ANY fixed body."—Advt. in the "Autocar."
The disguise would certainly deceive one's nearest relations, but as likely as not one's dog would come up and give the whole show away by licking the sparking plug.
Chauffeur. "Pardon, monsieur. This way, conducts she straight to Hele?"
Major Chili Pepper (a rabid anti-motorist and slightly deaf). "Certainly it will, sir if you continue to drive on the wrong side of the road!"
"FACILIS
Bikist (gaily). "Here we go down! down! down! down!"
DESCENSUS!"
The same (very much down). "Never again with you, my bikey!"
Should Motors carry Maxims?—Under the title "Murderous Magistrate," the Daily Mail printed some observations made by a barrister who reproves Canon Greenwell for remarking from the Durham County Bench that if a few motorists were shot no great harm would be done. The same paper subsequently published an article headed, "Maxims for Motorists." Retaliation in kind is natural, and a maxim is an excellent retort to a canon. But why abuse the canon first?
So many accidents have occurred lately through the ignition of petrol that a wealthy motorist, we hear, is making arrangements for his car to be followed, wherever it may go, by a fully-equipped fire-engine, and, if this example be followed widely, our roads will become more interesting than ever.
Are there motor-cars in the celestial regions? Professor Schaer, of Geneva, has discovered what he describes as a new comet plunging due south at a rate of almost 8 degrees a day, and careering across the Milky Way regardless of all other traffic.
OUR ELECTION—POLLING DAY
Energetic Committeeman. "It's all right. Drive on! He's voted!"