HINTS FOR BIKING BEGINNERS
1. Insure your life and limbs. The former will benefit your relations, the latter yourself.
2. Learn on a hired machine. The best plan is to borrow a machine from a friend. It saves hiring. Should the tyre become punctured, the brake be broken, the bell cracked, the lamp missing, and the gear out of gear, you will return it as soon as possible, advising your friend to provide himself with a stronger one next time.
3. Practise on some soft and smooth ground. For example, on a lawn; the one next door for choice. A muddy road, although sufficiently soft, is not recommended—the drawbacks are obvious.
4. Choose a secluded place for practising. It may at first sight appear somewhat selfish to deprive your neighbours of a gratuitous performance which would be certain to amuse them. Nevertheless, be firm.
5. Get someone to hold you on. Engage a friend in an interesting conversation while you mount your bicycle. Do you remember Mr. Winkle's dialogue with Sam Weller when he attempted skating? You can model your conversation on this idea. Friend will support you while you ride and talk. Keep him at it. It will be excellent exercise for him, physically and morally. Also economical for you; as, otherwise, you would have to pay a runner.
6. Don't bike; trike.
A New Terror.—Johnson. Hullo, Thompson, you look peekish. What's wrong?
Thompson. The vibration of motor-carring has got on my liver.
Johnson. I see, automobilious!
On the Brighton Road.—Cyclist (to owner of dog over which he has nearly ridden). Take your beast out of my way! What right has he here?
Owner. Well, he pays seven and sixpence a year for the privilege of perambulation, and you pay nothing!
The Very Oldest Motor-Car.—The whirligig of time.
"Hi! Whip behind!"
"Yah! 'E ain't got none!"
Adding Insult to Injury.—Tramp Photographer. "Now, sir, just as you are for a shillin'!" [And little Binks, who prides himself upon his motor driving, is trying his best to get his wife to promise not to tell anyone about the smash.]