THE LATEST CRAZE
Scene—A salon anywhere. Time—Afternoon tea. Hostess addressing her guests.
Hostess. Yes, I think this is so much more amusing than “Books,” and “Songs.” One gets so tired of a lady with toy banners in her hair calling herself “Under Two Flags,” and a man insisting that he is perfectly made up for “The Absent-Minded Beggar” when he wears a label of—“Quite blind. Give me a penny,” and keeps his eyes open.
First Lady Friend. Certainly. Well, do you think my “Curiosity” was good? An old boot belonging to my great grandfather.
Hostess. Perfectly delightful. So nice to have a great grandfather, and one who wore boots.
Second Lady Friend. Well, my “Curiosity” is not quite so personal. This is an old work-box that has been in our family for the last hundred years.
Chorus. How interesting!
Second Lady Friend. And it was bought, so I have been told, at the Exhibition of 1851.
Professor Grumbles (interposing). Dear lady, I fancy you have made a mistake in your dates. Now, if the box was in your family a century, and it came from the Exhibition of 1851, it must——
Hostess (interposing). Oh, my dear Professor, pray don’t worry us with statistics. Now, what have you got?
Professor Grumbles (producing a bag). Well dear lady, my little contribution to the general hilarity of the occasion will be caused by my friend in the bag. It is a specimen—a very rare specimen—of the South African puff-adder. Most doctors will tell you that the sting of this reptile is dangerous. (He produces from the bag a black, vicious-looking snake.) In fact, most people will say that the sting, or rather a bite, is certain death. But be reassured, my good friends. In spite of this universal belief, I may say that, without expressing an absolutely definite opinion, I don’t think so!
[“Curiosity” tea disperses rapidly and in some confusion.
CONFUSION WORSE CONFOUNDED
Jones. “Con-found it all! Somebody’s taken my hat, and left this filthy, beastly, shabby old thing instead!”
Brown. “A—I beg your pardon, but that happens to be MY hat!”