THE SOCIETY VOICE
[A contemporary complains that most people in Society consider it necessary to address one another in shrill, high-pitched voices.]
You’re pretty, Miss Kitty, and dainty and slim,
And graceful indeed is your mien;
Your eyes are as bright and your ankle as trim
As any the writer has seen.
Your curly brown locks, which invite a caress,
Would make any artist rejoice;
But you’ve one little fault, even I must confess,
And that’s your Society voice.
When I asked you to wed me a fortnight ago
At Mrs. De Jenkynson’s ball,
I never expected you, Kit, to say “No”
In tones that would ring through the hall.
You dreamt not—how should you, of course?—that the sound
Of your voice would be heard far and wide,
But I did feel a fool when a titter went round
As we walked to your chaperon’s side.
A beautiful maiden was never yet won,
’Tis said, by a faint-hearted swain;
And so, Mistress Kit, ere the season is done
I am sure to approach you again.
And oh! if your feelings should leave you no choice
But to utter the verdict I dread,
Pronounce not my doom at the top of your voice,
But speak in a whisper instead.
INFELICITOUS QUOTATIONS
Fair Authoress. “So sorry to be so late. I’m afraid I’m last!”
Genial Host. “‘Last—but not least!’”